And Many More
by evitascarlett
Summary: A oneshot collection of various birthdays in the life of Johanna Beckett. A Johanna Verse story (Apologize/Reflections/Redemption/TuesdayswithJohanna ect). Castle Ficathon 2019 entry.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I know, here we go again, another ficathon entry; what can I say, I can't help myself. This will be a collection of oneshots of various birthdays of Johanna; I'm including birth/early years for readers who have asked for glimpses of her childhood; as well as birthdays from her years with Jim and eventually Kate…and yes, some from her stay in Wyoming, and even into the era of Tuesdays with Johanna. I hope you'll enjoy this dive into this sector of the Johanna Verse!_

Chapter 1- Best Laid Plans- February 4, 1951

This wasn't how it was supposed to be, Naomi McKenzie mused as another pain ripped through her body, drops of sweat sliding down her face as tears spilled from her eyes. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Her second child was supposed to be born a week ago in a nice sterile hospital room in Manhattan; its tiny body slipping into the hands of the doctor who had delivered her son three years before without incident. She was supposed to have medication to help with the pain. Her husband was supposed to be in the waiting room, pacing…waiting impatiently for the news of if they'd been blessed with a boy or a girl. It had all been planned, as much as labor and delivery could be planned that was.

But her baby apparently had different plans…plans that she didn't understand or fathom.

"Breathe, Naomi," her mother said.

She closed her eyes, taking a shuddering breath. Her baby was a week overdue and had shown no signs of leaving the comfort of the womb and so she thought that she and Frankie could spend an uneventful visit with her mother in Brooklyn without worry…and then a blizzard hit before Frank could come and get them.

Then the pains had started…and then in the thick of the storm, her water broke and her planned delivery was up in smoke. Instead of a hospital she found herself in her childhood bedroom. Instead of a doctor and nurse, her mother was preparing to deliver her baby and her Aunt Francesca had trudged down the street in the deep snow to assist. There would be no medication for the pain…she was feeling every second of it, feeling like she was being split in half. Her husband wasn't waiting nearby…instead he was at home, waiting by the phone for the call to say that their child had been safely delivered…waiting for the snow to stop and the roads to be cleared so that he could reach them.

Another pain tore through her and she gritted her teeth, trying not to scream as she didn't want to frighten Frankie who was in the next room with his grandfather. "It's not supposed to be this way," she muttered.

Sophia glanced up at her. "Apparently God says otherwise."

"It's not fair," she cried as Francesca swiped the cool washcloth cross her brow.

"Life isn't always fair, mi cara," her mother said as she rubbed her daughter's leg. "But don't worry; everything is going to be fine."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Yes, you can," Sophia consoled in her light Italian accent. "Life doesn't deliver anything we can't handle."

"Frank needs to be here," Naomi cried.

"Oh what do you need Frank for?" Sophie said lightly; "He did his part nine months ago."

"He should be here…I'd feel better if he was here."

"Now, Naomi; Frank would just be out there in the living room pacing a hole in my rug and barking demands for me to make you hurry this baby out of the womb."

"I love him," she cried.

"I know, darling; I know," her mother soothed. "He'll be here as soon as he can and we'll call him as soon as the baby is here."

"I hope it's a girl," Naomi said, her teeth gritting.

"Why? To punish Frank because he isn't here?" Sophia asked with a laugh.

"No; because I'm never having another baby and I'd hate to quit without having a girl!"

Her mother chuckled softly. "Well we'll see what you're getting here shortly…I want you to start pushing on the next pain, it's time."

It was time, Naomi thought to herself…time to welcome her second child, who for some reason had decided to be born in the midst of a snowstorm without the presence of its father. For nine months she had prayed for a girl…even Frank had prayed for one with her…a beautiful little girl to complete their family. He said she would be their princess…and she wanted that so badly; even had a little pink dress hidden away at home that she hadn't been able to resist.

"Push, Naomi," her mother demanded.

She did as she was told, trying to keep her anguish as quiet as possible as she followed each command to push. She felt like it would never end; that it had been an eternity since her labor started. Frankie hadn't taken this long…Frankie had only taken ten hours…this baby had nearly doubled that time.

"Almost there, darling," Sophia soothed. "I can see the head…just a few more pushes and it'll be over."

A loud cry slipped from her lips without permission as she pushed again; silently cursing her husband, the weather and everything else she could think of. "I can't do this," she cried once more. "I'm tired."

"I know you are," her mother consoled; "But you have to keep going; it's almost over; you'll have a beautiful new baby to hold. Come on, push again."

Naomi summoned all of her strength and pushed each time her mother demanded it, sinking back against the pillows as the piercing wail of an infant punctured the air. "What is it?" Naomi asked. "Is it my girl?"

Sophia smiled as she held up the squalling baby. "It's a girl, darling; and I don't think she's a morning person…but of course who is at five in the morning?"

A sob slipped across her lips as she took in the sight of her baby girl, tiny fist waving as she wailed, her chin quivering. God had answered her prayers, he had given her her much wanted baby girl. "She's got her daddy's temper."

"Oh, I don't know; that could just as well be a Calabrese temper," Sophia said as she tended to the baby; cutting the cord with the scissors she had sterilized and wrapped in a clean cloth earlier that evening. "I'm not sure I've ever seen a baby with so much hair though; how about you, Franny?"

"No," her sister stated as she mopped Naomi's face. "Now we know why Naomi had so much heartburn."

"My thoughts exactly," Sophia stated.

"Bring her to me, Mama; let me see my baby girl," Naomi demanded.

"I was taking care of the cord, Naomi; I'll bring her to you as soon as I get her wrapped up. Franny; get that towel we've been keeping warm."

Francesca hurried from the room to get the bath towel they had hanging over a kitchen chair while heat from the oven warmed it.

"Is she okay?" Naomi asked.

"She's fine darling," Sophia said as she grabbed a washcloth. "I'm just cleaning her off a little. We'll bath her properly after you've seen her for a few minutes."

"I can't wait to get a bath myself."

"You'll have to wait a little longer; there's still the afterbirth…you're not getting off this bed until that's out."

Naomi grimaced as Fran entered the room, handing Sophia the towel. "What do you want me to do next, Sophia?"

"We'll need warm water to bath the baby; there's another basin under the sink. Spread a towel out on the dresser, we'll bath her there."

Francesca went off to do her bidding as Sophia wrapped up the baby and held her close for a moment, kissing her forehead lightly before she moved to the side of the bed. "Here's your mama, Bambina," she said as she laid the baby in her daughter's arms. "Grandma will get you settled soon."

"She's so beautiful," Naomi said softly, her fingers tracing the tiny face of her daughter who continued to cry. She captured her small fist and pressed a kiss to it and then to her sticky forehead. "Hey, little one, it's okay; Mama's got you."

"She's got good lungs," Sophia remarked as she moved back to the bottom of the bed, hoping the afterbirth would expel soon and easily; the delivery had gone well and she didn't want any complications now, she thought as she glanced down at the bag at her feet that already contained soiled towels and was waiting for the afterbirth to join them. It didn't seem like the best recourse but she didn't know how else to dispose of the distasteful part of the birthing process.

"Your daddy is going to be so happy," Naomi told her daughter as she smoothed her fingers across her cheek. "We got our princess…he'll come see you as soon as he can, I promise."

The baby started to calm in her arms, looking up at her with unfocused eyes. She smiled down at her, her finger slipping into her daughter's tiny hand. "You're perfect, Bambina. So perfect."

"What are you going to call her?" Sophia asked.

"I was thinking about Melissa," Naomi confessed; "But I'm not sure Frank's onboard with that. He wants her middle name to be Alexandra…but it'll depend on what we finally decide for her first name."

"Melissa is nice," her mother commented; "Not very Italian though."

"Neither is Naomi."

"That's a biblical name," Sophia stated; "It suits you…you could give her a name from the bible."

"Maybe," she said, feeling pains once more as Fran carried a basin into the room. "I feel like I need to push again."

"Good," Sophia stated; patting her leg. "That will be the afterbirth; Franny; take the baby and start her bath. I'll take care of Naomi. Go ahead and push, mi cara. How about Rachel for her name?"

"Frank doesn't like that name. I like Elizabeth…he doesn't care for it either because it's Bridget's middle name…but she's so good to us…such a good sister-in-law, I wouldn't mind our baby sharing her name somehow."

"Elizabeth is a pretty name," Sophia agreed as she tended to her task. "You could use it as a middle name if Frank isn't entirely onboard. You gave birth to her, you should get final say…after all, he does have a son named after him."

"I hope Frankie's alright," Naomi remarked. "I hope he'll like his sister."

"He won't at first but he'll get used to her," her mother assured. "Afterbirth is out, darling. You rest for a few minutes; I'll help Franny with the baby and then we'll get you bathed."

"I need to call Frank," she stated. "I need to tell him our Princess is here."

"I've heard that the name Sarah means Princess," Sophia remarked as she moved to the nightstand to get the phone for her daughter. "It's also a biblical name."

"Sarah's such a pretty name," Naomi replied; glancing toward the dresser where her baby was fussing over her bath. "It would suit her I think…but it's Frank's mother's name…he's never gotten over her loss."

"Maybe he would if he had a way to honor her memory," Sophia remarked as she sat the phone on the bed. "Call your husband and tell him all is well…I'll find something for little Sarah to wear."

"Don't get me attached to that name, Mama…it's probably best for me to think of her as Melissa until her father gets here."

"No matter what her name is; she's beautiful and so are you; thank you for my new granddaughter, my darling."

Tears filled Naomi's eyes as she squeezed her mother's hand. "Thank you for taking care of us."

"It's my job, I'm happy to do it," Sophia stated as she pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You make your call now."

Naomi's fingers trembled as she dealt with the rotary phone and then impatience gnawed at her as the line rang in her ear; her daughter still fussing as she was tended to. Finally the line clicked, an anxious, yet tired voice filling her ear. "Hello?"

"Frank," she said, tears still detectable in her voice.

"Naomi, are you alright, dear?" Frank asked.

"I'm fine," she answered; her daughter's fussing turning into a full fledged wail.

"Is that…" he trailed off.

A smile touched her lips. "She's here….our princess is here."

* * *

Naomi smiled as her son was led into the room later that day. "There's my boy," she said as he regarded her warily. "Come on up here by me and see your new baby sister."

"No jumping," Sophia said as she lifted her grandson up onto the bed and then took a seat in the extra kitchen chair that had been placed in the room.

Frankie eyed his mother, not saying a word, his gaze on her and not the baby she held.

"Aren't you going to talk to me?" Naomi asked.

"You all better now?" Frankie asked.

"I'm fine, honey," she said, her fingers caressing his face. "Our new baby is here; see her?"

"I don't want no new baby! I'm the baby!"

"You're not a baby; you're a big boy," Naomi told him. "You're a big brother now."

"I don't want that baby!"

"She's nice," she told him. "Look at her, isn't she pretty?"

Frankie frowned. "She cries loud. She woke me up."

"Well, honey; babies do that…you cried and woke me up when you were a baby."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did," she laughed. "You know what; today is your sister's birthday. How about you tell Sissy happy birthday and give her a kiss on her cheek?"

"No," he said, folding his small arms across his chest in what she couldn't help but think was a perfect imitation of his father.

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't want her."

"Now, Frankie," Naomi said softly; "Don't be that way; she's your baby sister. It's very nice to have a little girl around."

"We don't need a girl baby. We need a boy baby."

"I already have a boy," Naomi told him. "I've got you; no other little boy can compare to you; and now we have a baby girl and I get to be her mommy too."

"You're my mommy!" Frankie cried.

The baby in her arms shifted slightly, a soft huff of breath slipping across her lips as her tiny hand fell against her cheek as if she was distressed by her brother's reception of her. Naomi sighed a little too; this wasn't going to be an easy transition for her son. "Sweetie, just because we have a new baby doesn't mean that I'm not your mommy anymore; I am. I'm your mommy and I'm sissy's mommy too. You can share me with her, can't you?"

"No," he said, tears filling his brown eyes. "Don't want to."

Naomi wrapped her arm around him and hugged him to her. "Honey, it won't be so bad, you'll see…I've got enough love for both of you. We've talked about this, remember."

"I don't want her!" he wailed.

"You'll get used to her," she said gently. "Just think, one day when she's bigger, you'll have someone to play with at home. Won't that be nice?"

"I want my Daddy," Frankie stated tearfully.

"Daddy will get here as soon as he can. Would you like to hold your sister? Grandma and I will help you."

"No," he said as he snuggled into her side.

Naomi rubbed his small arm, her gaze darting toward her mother, hoping for answers of how to handle this. Sophia merely smiled. "He'll get used to her," her mother stated.

That didn't help in the here and now, Naomi thought to herself. "Do you want to help me think of names for your sister?" she asked Frankie. "Daddy and I don't know what to name her yet."

Frankie said nothing but she could feel a teardrop seep through her nightgown. "You can help me," she coaxed. "Do you want to look at her? Maybe you can help me decide if she looks like a Melissa or a Sarah…which name do you like best?"

"Stupid baby," he answered.

"That's not nice, Frankie," Naomi admonished. "Your sister is just a baby; she didn't mean to upset you by being born."

"Send her back."

"I can't, honey; and I don't want to," she said as she looked to her mother. "Will you take her for a minute?"

"Of course," Sophia said as she rose from her chair and came to the bed. She took her granddaughter into her arms, smiling as she did so. "Your brother is stubborn, Bambina; but don't worry, he'll get used to you."

Naomi tugged her son into her arms despite the soreness of her body. "Frankie; you're still my baby too; I still love you as much as always and you know what?"

"What?"

"Your little sister is going to love you so much. She's going to think you're the best big brother in the world, you know that? And when she's bigger, she'll play games with you and you two will play outside together, you'll see, it'll be fine…you'll like her once you get to know her. You'll love her as much as she loves you."

"No."

"Yes; and when we get home, you can help me with the baby."

"Don't want to."

"Well then maybe I can read you both a story."

"No! Just me!" Frankie demanded.

"Alright, honey; story time will be just for us for awhile…but Sissy is going to live with us now and we can't just ignore her."

"I'm going to go play with Grandpa," her son grumbled as he pushed away from her and scrambled off the bed, running from the room.

Naomi sighed deeply. "Being the mother of two isn't going to be easy."

"No, dear; it isn't," Sophia said knowingly; "But being the mother of one isn't easy either. Frankie will need a little time to get used to things but he'll come around; you'll just have to find a way to get him acquainted with his sister."

"I hope I can get her acquainted with her father soon."

"The storm won't last forever; Frank McKenzie will meet his daughter when the time is right. I'm hoping we can get a doctor around here soon to check you both over and give you the seal of approval."

"We're fine, Mama…but I'll be glad to know her weight…and I'll be glad to get her started on formula. You know I couldn't nurse Frankie for long…and I know I'm not going to be able to feed her for long either. I don't understand why I'm not able to produce enough milk," she said, anguish in her tone.

"Naomi, it's just something that happens to some women; your aunt was the same way. It's nothing to be ashamed of…and if you can't sustain her until the storm ends then we'll give her the canned milk I have…and Franny has a few cans at home too if we'd need them. Don't worry; she'll be fed, even if I have to go door to door looking for cans of milk to get us through."

"I hope it won't come to that," she murmured; "But if it does, Frank will pay them back for it."

"Don't worry so much, Naomi," Sophia said as she handed the baby back to her. "Just relax and enjoy your daughter. I'll go check on Frankie."

Naomi couldn't help but smile as she settled her daughter in her arms. "Well, sweetheart; it's been a hell of a birthday for you, hasn't it? A blizzard raging outside, your daddy at home, your brother's upset…you're dressed in this old fashioned hand me down of mine," she said with a soft laugh as she touched the worn cotton sleeve of her old baby gown. "Your cradle is a dresser drawer instead of the one at home…and I have to worry about keeping you fed until this storm is over…but it's okay, because you're here and you're perfect and everything's going to be alright…and we'll make your next birthday better than this one."

* * *

Two days after her daughter's birth, Naomi felt content despite still being in residence at her mother's apartment. Her baby had been checked over by the doctor and deemed healthy; and had had her first bottle of the formula recipe he had given her mother. Best of all, her little family was together again, as Frank had arrived earlier in the day and had fallen in love with his daughter the moment she had been laid in his arms. Their son was in the living room playing with his new trucks that his father had brought him as his gift for becoming a big brother. Frankie had also started to take curious peeks at the baby when she'd be lying in her makeshift bed that had been created out of a dresser drawer. It gave her hope that Frankie was ending his standoff; that his determination to reject his sister was waning, despite his comments to Frank about sending her back. This was more like it, she thought with a smile as she softly kissed the baby's forehead. This was more like the plans she'd had in mind when she daydreamed about how her daughter's arrival would go.

The baby stretched and mewed, her eye lids fluttering and then opening fully, just as her husband had been waiting for. "She's waking up, Frank."

"Finally," he said with a smile as he shifted in the chair, his hands reaching for her. "Give her to me so I can get a good look at her with her eyes open."

Naomi handed over the baby, smiling as his large hand cupped her small head. She looked so small and delicate in her father's hands. The smile lingered on her face as she watched her husband's features soften…but then after a moment, he frowned, tension sweeping across his face as he studied their newborn.

"What's wrong, Frank?" she asked.

"Her eyes are green!" he spat.

"I know; they're beautiful, aren't they?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It's not natural."

"Frank, don't be silly," Naomi said with a soft laugh. "Babies can be born with green eyes just as easily as blue or brown. There's nothing wrong with her eyes."

"They're green!"

"Green eyes are beautiful," she stated.

Disgust flicked across his face as he practically shoved the baby back into her arms. "She looks like my mother."

"I think she looks like me."

Frank shook his head as he got up from the chair. "Green eyes and dark hair…she looks like my mother! Those are my mother's eyes!"

"Well that's not so terrible," Naomi said as she looked down at her baby who was still wide awake, her gaze looking serious, as if she knew exactly what was going on around her, but she knew that wasn't possible…at least she hoped her child couldn't sense the distress of her father. "Frank, your mother, based on the photos you've allowed me to see, was a beautiful woman and if our daughter looks like her in some way, I don't see that as a bad thing. I think it's a wonderful thing, something that should be embraced."

"Green eyes just like my mother," he muttered.

"Let's call her Sarah," Naomi suggested softly.

"Are you crazy!" Frank bellowed, making the baby flinch and whimper.

"No, I'm not crazy…I like the name and it would be a nice way to honor your mother's memory."

"No! I'm not interested in honoring her memory!"

"But, Frank; I really do like the name Sarah. It means princess and we've been calling her our princess my whole pregnancy."

"No, Naomi! You wanted to name her Melissa!"

"I know but Mom suggested Sarah, without knowing that the name had any meaning to you…and I think it suits her. Honoring your mother is just a bonus."

"No! Her name will not be Sarah! I'm not honoring that woman's memory. I'd rather forget all about her and I can't do that if she's looking back at me through her eyes!"

"Frank, you're being ridiculous! You shouldn't want to forget your mother and you shouldn't be carrying on this way about our daughter having green eyes. She's a newborn; her eyes can change colors up until she's a year old."

"They better change," he said as he got up from his chair and paced the room. "I don't want a green eyed daughter!"

"Frank, don't say that," Naomi replied, hurt rippling through her as she held her baby close to her as if it would protect her from her father's hurtful words. "She's our baby…we prayed for a girl and God gave us one."

"That's not the one I wanted! I wanted it to look like you, not my damn mother!"

"A little while ago you said she was the prettiest little girl there ever was."

"She is pretty but those eyes need to change. You better start praying that her eyes change, Naomi. You pray with everything you have in you."

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" she asked tearfully. "Before she opened her eyes, you were happy…you were head over heels in love with her."

"It's ruined now," he muttered as he gave the infant a disdainful look.

Naomi sniffled. "Only if you let it be ruined! I don't care if her eyes change colors. I don't care if it's your mother's name; I want to call her Sarah. She looks like a Sarah."

"I don't give a damn if she looks like a Mexican jumping bean! Her name will not be Sarah. It's Melissa or some other name you like but it's not Sarah. Now I'm leaving; call me when the doctor says you can move home and I'll come pick you up."

"Frank," she said softly as the baby began to cry. "Don't go."

"I've got things to do," he stated before storming from the room.

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she gently rocked back and forth to soothe the baby. "I'm so sorry, Bambina," she said softly as she brushed a kiss against her tuft of dark hair. "I'm so sorry…life hasn't started for you the way I planned. You were supposed to be born in a hospital…there wasn't supposed to be a blizzard…your father and brother were supposed to adore you…and they will; you just wait and see. Your daddy's stubborn but he'll come around. He'll love you; I promise…I'll make him love you."

"What's Frank in a snit about?" Sophia asked as she entered the room.

"He's not pleased with her," she cried.

"What are you talking about? He was all gooey eyed over her a few hours ago."

"He doesn't like her green eyes."

"Why the hell not!"

"Because his mother had green eyes."

"Oh for God's sake, what's wrong with her having her grandmother's eyes?"

"I don't know, I guess he's got a hang up about it. I told him they might change colors and he said I better pray that they do."

"He's being ridiculous," Sophia remarked, her fingers reaching out and stroking the baby's cheek; "And he better get over it or I'll put the eye on him."

Naomi sniffled. "He won't let me name her Sarah."

"You can name her whatever you want. If it was me and my husband told me I couldn't name my child Sarah; I'd name her that out of spite. If that's the name you want, then give it to her, he'll get over it."

She wasn't sure about that, Naomi thought to herself as her baby's cries ceased. If she couldn't name her baby Sarah, she'd find another way to honor her mother-in-law's memory. She'd call Bridget, gain a little information. "Mama, will you move the phone over here for me?"

"Of course, darling; who do you want to call?"

"Bridget," she answered.

"I'll go check on dinner while you call her," Sophia stated. "I'll warm a bottle for the bambina too."

Naomi placed her call and indulged in the first few minutes of small talk with her sister-in-law before coming to the question she wanted to ask. "Bridget, what was your mother's middle name?"

"Johanna," Bridget answered; "It doesn't go all that well with the name Sarah; but from what my grandmother told me, she gave her Johanna as a middle name to honor her favorite sister."

"Johanna," Naomi murmured as she looked down into her daughter's eyes. Johanna would do just fine if she lost the battle. If it couldn't be Sarah Alexandra, then it would be Johanna Elizabeth, she determined. She talked a few more minutes and then ended the call.

"Don't worry, Johanna," she whispered, trying the name on her. "It'll be alright…all my plans for your entrance into this world fell apart…but we'll make new ones…you have many more birthdays ahead and it'll be alright. I promise, bambina…everything will be alright."

_A/N: I left Frank's first reactions to baby Johanna out on purpose as I've already written it in flashback form for a scene in an upcoming chapter of Reflections. First Birthday comes next and then we'll jump a few years!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews. To the anons who want to complain I never finish anything, because I'm sure you're back, you always are; I have 31 entries on this site, 24 are marked complete. Two 'stories' are deleted scene collections I leave open for additions when I find them so I don't count those as actual in progress stories. So, yes, I have 5 remaining stories in progress, I like multiple projects and I'm not the only one who writes more than one story at a time. I like joining ficathons and I don't care if you like it or not. I do what makes me happy, not you._

Chapter 2- Great Expectations- February 4, 1952

"Mommy," Frankie said as he approached the doorway of his parents bedroom.

"Mommy's in the bathroom," Frank stated as he tied his tie. "What do you need, son?"

"Jo-Jo's crying," the little boy answered as he rubbed his eye. "She wants mommy."

"Well we better go see to her until Mommy gets there," Frank stated as he turned away from the mirror and left the room, his son trailing along beside him.

"Why does Jo-Jo gotta cry all the time?" Frankie muttered.

Frank patted his son's head as they climbed the steps. "Johanna cries in the morning because she can't get out of her crib on her own. She cries other times when she's hungry or wet…or you're being too rough with her."

"I don't want her touching my toys!"

"Well you better share with your sister today."

"Why?"

"Because it's her birthday. She's been with us for a year now."

"So?"

"So if you want your mother to let you have cake later, you'll be nice."

"Fine," Frankie said as he stomped off to his room.

Frank smiled a little as he watched him go and then he pushed through the ajar door of her daughter's room, hearing her cries as he did so. She hadn't worked up to full out, ear splitting wail yet…Frankie's alerts were getting quicker, he couldn't help but think. His daughter was standing in her crib, tears sliding down her cheeks. "It's alright, Josie," he told her.

A smile broke across her lips, her small arms stretching out toward him. "Dada!"

He never understood why she looked happy to see him, he mused as he moved toward the crib. She spent her days with Naomi and Frankie…by the time he got home at night; she was only up for a few hours. Even on the weekends he was in and out…and when he was home, he didn't always give her the attention he should.

"Dada!" she squealed once more.

"I'm here," he said as he lifted her out of the crib.

Johanna patted his cheeks and tried to bestow one of her baby kisses on him but he hurriedly held her out away from him. "No; don't do that," he stated.

His daughter fussed at the treatment and he brought her back close to his chest, raking his fingers through her tousled curls in an attempt to tame them but his daughter took the opportunity to bestow a sloppy kiss to his cheek. "No, Johanna!" he exclaimed; turning her around so that her back was to his body.

Johanna started to cry, kicking her legs in what he figured was frustration as he began to carry her across the room to the changing table. "You'll get over it," he told her. "I don't want you slobbering on me."

"Really, Frank?" Naomi asked as she leaned against the doorframe. "She's been up for what, ten minutes and you've already made her cry and shunned her? And on her birthday no less."

Frank rolled his eyes and headed toward his wife. "Here, take her."

"Mama," their daughter said as she reached for her mother.

Naomi smiled. "There's my beautiful girl," she said before kissing her daughter's lips. "Happy Birthday, sweet girl. Did daddy tell you happy birthday?"

"No," Frank answered as he followed Naomi to the changing table.

"Well don't you think you should?" she asked as she laid the baby down and started unsnapping her sleeper.

"She doesn't know what day it is or what birthdays mean, Naomi," he replied.

"No; but we do…and you need to tell her happy birthday…and that you're sorry for shunning her affection."

He sighed. "Happy Birthday, Josie. I'm not sorry for not wanting your sloppy attempts at kisses."

Naomi kept one hand on her squirming baby and slapped her husband's chest with the other. "You're such an ass at times, Frank."

"Oh come on, Naomi; she's a year old, she doesn't know anything other than you're mommy and I'm daddy and there's a little boy that lives here with us."

"Tell daddy you're working on learning your brother's name. He's been teaching you, hasn't he?" she asked lightly, tickling her daughter before reaching for a clean diaper.

Johanna giggled, her gaze fixed on her mother. "I can't believe you're one already," Naomi stated. "It's gone by so quickly; hasn't it, Frank?"

"No faster than any other year."

His wife huffed a little. "Well at least there isn't a blizzard today unlike last year…and we're all home together; at least until you leave for work."

"It's not like I won't be back."

"I know, Frank…and try to be home on time, alright? Don't forget that we have company coming for Johanna's birthday."

"I don't know why you're making a big deal out of this; she's not going to remember it."

"No, she won't…but I will and there's film in the camera; she'll know she had a small gathering for her birthday. I'll throw her a real party next year, but for this year it's just us and her grandparents."

Not all of her grandparents, Frank thought to himself and the reminder made him remember something that had been of the utmost importance to him for an entire year.

"Look at Daddy," Frank demanded, his hand carefully nudging his daughter's head to turn in his direction as she squirmed.

Johanna turned her head toward her father, a bright smile on her lips. "Dada."

Frank laid his hand on her forehead, gently keeping her in place as he studied her eyes. He frowned, seeing that what he had hoped for still hadn't happened and most likely wouldn't now that she was a year old. "Her eyes are still green!" he exclaimed, his tone gruff.

Naomi glanced at him while snapping up Johanna's sleeper. "Yes, they are…just like they were yesterday…and every day for a year now."

"You said they could change!" he bellowed, startling the baby and making her whimper.

"A baby's eyes can change colors, Frank," Naomi replied as she picked up the baby and cuddled her.

"Then why didn't hers!"

"Probably for the same reason Frankie's didn't; they just weren't meant to change."

"Frankie's eyes are brown! Her eyes should be blue like yours!"

"Frank, I have no control over Johanna's eye color. I can't force them to change…you're going to have to accept that her eyes are going to be green and there's nothing that can be done about it."

"I don't have to like it!"

"No, you don't have to like it…but I think it's silly that you get so up in arms about it."

"Easy for you to say," he snapped. "It's not your dead mother looking back at you."

Naomi sighed, her lips skimming against her daughter's dark curls. "She can't help it that she inherited her grandmother's eyes, Frank. It's not like she was given a choice."

"Whoever heard of a baby being born with green eyes!" he thundered. "Babies are supposed to be born with blue eyes!"

"It's not impossible for a baby to be born with green eyes…just like Frankie's eyes were brown when he was born. Not all babies are born with blue eyes; I've told you that until I'm blue in the face. Green eyes run in your family. Your sister's eyes are green…your mother's eyes were green…for all we know, they both could've been born with green eyes just like Johanna was. Your grandmother is still alive, we could get in touch with her and ask her…I wonder what color eyes she has," she said, although she knew very well that Frank's grandmother had green eyes but he could never know that she occasionally paid her a visit.

"For the last time, I have no desire to contact that woman."

"She's your grandmother, Frank…I'm sure she's missed you. It's not her fault that your father's mother cut that side of your family off from you; but you could change that now that you're an adult. I bet she'd love to see the kids."

"I don't care what Mary Alice would like, it's not happening; and before you ask again, her damn eyes are green."

"Then it's no wonder that Johanna has green eyes."

"I don't think it's normal for a baby to be born with green eyes," he ranted. "Maybe there's something wrong with her. Maybe that's why they haven't changed."

"There's nothing wrong with our daughter!" Naomi exclaimed. "She's perfectly healthy and beautiful."

"She'd still be beautiful with blue eyes!"

"Frank; you need to get over this. Johanna is a year old today, her eyes are green and they're going to stay that way. You should look at it as a sign that your mother is living on through the next generation in small ways."

"It's a bad omen!"

"How is having the same color eyes as her grandmother a bad omen?"

"My mother died young because she was stupid and foolish," he said, his tone low and dark. "I don't want her traits passed on to my daughter."

"Frank, the color of your mother's eyes had nothing to do with her death. Sarah died from pneumonia due to her lungs being weakened from an illness she hadn't fully healed from before she got sick again."

"She got sick because she thought it was fun to walk in the rain in early April!"

"It might have been poor judgment for her to walk in the rain when she wasn't fully over a previous illness but it has nothing to do with her eye color."

"It has to do with her spirit! I don't want her spirit in my daughter! But she's in there, that's why she has her eyes and you had to give her my mother's middle name and make it worse!"

"Oh my God, Frank; what do you think happened; your mother possessed my womb and was reincarnated as our child? Are you really that ridiculous?"

"She's in her!"

"She is not! Johanna has her eyes, nothing more and nothing less. The woman was her grandmother, she was most likely going to inherit something from her in the way of traits but overall she looks like me! Nothing bad is going to happen to her because she had the misfortune of being born with green eyes."

"You don't know that!"

"Neither do you!"

"You take her to a doctor and find out why her eyes haven't changed colors," Frank demanded.

"I will not!"

"You better!"

"No; that's stupid," Naomi retorted. "If you want her taken to a doctor because her eyes are green, you're going to be the one to take her."

"Dada!" Johanna exclaimed, her arms reaching for her father.

Frank gave her a disgruntled look and stepped away from her. "Frank," his wife hissed; "Why did you just do that?"

"I don't want her slobbering on me, I'm ready for work."

Naomi sighed as her daughter continued to reach for her father. "She wants her father."

"No!" he said, looking at his daughter as he said the word. "You stay with your mother where you belong."

"Frank, what is with you today!?" his wife exclaimed.

"Nothing; I just don't have time for her today. I'm going to go finish getting ready for work."

Naomi hugged her daughter to her, pressing kisses to her hair. "Let's go get Frankie," she murmured to her. "Do you want to go get brother? He'll play with you while I make breakfast."

Her daughter babbled in response and she carried her across the hallway as her husband's footsteps faded from the stairs. He was going to be in one of his moods, Naomi figured…and it just figured he'd pick their daughter's birthday to be in that mood.

* * *

Once she and the children were downstairs, Naomi placed Johanna on the floor with Frankie and allowed them to play as she started to get things ready for breakfast.

"Say Frankie," her son demanded; his tone light as he regarded his sister.

Johanna giggled at him and pushed the small ball they were playing with toward him.

"Say Frankie!" he said once again, his small fingers reaching out and tickling her.

She giggled once more, her baby babble spilling from her lips.

"Frankie, Frankie, Frankie," her brother stated, tickling her some more.

The baby laughed and reached for her brother but he dodged her hands by lying down on the floor. "Ha ha, tricked you, Jo-Jo."

Naomi moved to the doorway of the kitchen in time to see her daughter crawl to her brother's side…and then on him, bestowing her so called sloppy baby kisses upon him. "No, Jo-Jo," Frankie laughed as he squirmed.

Naomi hurried back to the kitchen counter to grab the camera and got back to the doorway in time to watch her children giggle together as Frankie tried to dodge the kisses his sister was determined to give him. The more he laughed and resisted, the more Johanna giggled and tried to kiss his cheeks, succeeding several times as her brother good naturedly proclaimed "Eww!" making her laugh all the more. Naomi snapped several pictures, thinking to herself that Frankie's response to his sister today was much different than it had been a year ago on this date.

She figured they were happy and content enough for the moment which would give her time to get the eggs and bread out now that she had the table set.

She had just gotten the eggs out of the refrigerator when she heard Frank's voice in the living room.

"What are you doing letting your sister slobber all over you like that?" he demanded to know, his voice gruff.

"We just playing," Frankie answered; laughter still in his voice.

"You don't let your sister kiss all over you!" he retorted. "What are you, a sissy?"

"No," his son replied, the amusement fading from his voice.

"Boys don't let their sisters slobber on them unless they're sissies!"

Frankie shoved Johanna off of him. "Get off, Jo-Jo!" he said meanly.

Johanna's head smacked against the floor as she fell off her brother, causing her to burst into tears.

"Frank!" Naomi yelled as she hurried to their daughter who he was apparently leaving on the floor as he made no move to pick her up. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Why would you say that to him?"

"Because it's the truth; no son of mine is going to be a sissy!"

"He's not a sissy!"

"The way you and that baby hug and kiss him all the time, he's going to end up being a little mama's boy and I won't stand for it, Naomi! My son will not be a sissy! Do what you want with the girl; the boy is mine and he's being raised to be a man, not a wishy washy wimp!"

"Excuse me," Naomi said harshly; "But _my_ son is being raised to be a decent human being with feelings and a heart. I'm not going to let him grow up like you did! There's nothing wrong with a little girl giving her brother affection and there's nothing wrong with a little boy loving his baby sister and letting her kiss his cheek! Do you think I never kissed my brother when I was a little girl?"

"My sisters never kissed on me!" Frank retorted.

"Who would want to!" she yelled back. "At the moment, I don't know why I ever kissed you!"

"He has to learn to be a man!"

"I think his father needs to remember how to be a man instead of being an ass," she exclaimed as she examined Johanna's head. "And you," she said as she looked to her son; "You don't ever push your sister like that again; now she hit her head and she's crying. Does that make you feel good to know that you hurt your sister!?"

"No," he said softly, tears pooling in his eyes. "Daddy said Jo-Jo can't kiss me."

"Well Daddy's wrong; you and Jo-Jo were playing and having fun, no one was doing anything wrong. You don't push her again. If you need help getting her off of you, you yell for me and I'll help you; you don't push!"

"I'm sorry I hurt Jo-Jo" he cried, the tears breaking free. "I didn't mean to."

"Your sister is fine," Frank snapped. "You stop that crying; you're a McKenzie. McKenzie men don't cry! It's time you start toughening up!"

Naomi knelt down in front of Frankie and drew her to him with her free arm as she kept hold of Johanna with the other. "Johanna's fine," she soothed. "She hit her head and it probably hurt…it also scared her. You have to be careful, she's still a baby. Now hug your sister and tell her that you're sorry."

Frankie glanced at his father, seeing the disapproval on his face. He stepped away from his mother and sister with a sniffle, his head lowering. "Sorry, Jo-Jo," he murmured.

Naomi got back on her feet, shifting Johanna back to her hip. "Are you happy now, Frank?" she asked tersely.

"My son isn't going to be a sissy," he replied, his tone low and even. "It's my job to make him a man; just like it's your job to make Johanna into a woman that a man will want to marry one day. Your problem is you want to coddle them. Every time that baby squawks you pick her up. Every time something goes wrong for Frankie, he cries and runs to you because he knows mommy will make it all better and give him a cookie. Quit babying these kids and get breakfast on the table."

Anger flashed in Naomi's blue eyes as she moved to the playpen and sat Johanna inside before picking up Frankie and putting him in as well. She tossed in the small ball they had been playing with as she caught her son's eye. "Play with your sister," she said before turning toward her husband. "And you, Frank McKenzie; in the kitchen…now!"

Frank followed behind her, knowing his wife was livid even before she turned her gaze on him. "How dare you," she seethed. "I've got two crying kids thanks to you and you want to bark demands about your breakfast!? Make your own damn breakfast! Better yet, go eat at the diner because I'm not fixing you a damn thing this morning…I'll spend that time coddling my kids as you want to put it. Let me tell you something, Frank; I had kids because I wanted to enjoy them, love them, give them good memories. I didn't have them so they could be raised to be cold, unfeeling human beings. I didn't have them to be raised to be seen and not heard. All you've done this morning is upset them and you don't have an ounce of remorse. For a year now, I've watched you play some sort of twisted game with our daughter, acting like a normal father for awhile and then shoving her away, resisting her…all because her eyes are green and they remind you of someone. I've watched you shun her affection. Now I've watched you shame our son for allowing his sister to show him affection and you've implied that it's wrong for him to return that affection. So not only do you deny Johanna your full heart, you've now started training her brother to deny her too. It's wrong, Frank! It's wrong and I'm sick of it!"

"Don't tell me how to be a parent," he said sharply. "They get enough mushiness from you; they don't need it from me too."

"You give Frankie more affection than you do Johanna," she retorted; "With the exception of this morning."

"Frankie's a boy; of course I favor him. What the hell am I supposed to do with a girl?"

"Love her," she spat.

"You know what, Naomi; some days this past year, I'm sorry we had kids."

"Is that right?" she asked, her hand clenching into a fist.

"Yeah; it is…because your whole world is them, you don't have anything left for me!"

"Don't you even go there!" Naomi yelled; "If anyone is neglectful in this house, it's you! You barely lift a finger around here, you come home whenever you feel like it and expect me to wait dinner. You just want to pick a fight today for some reason…we're ruining Johanna's birthday!"

"Who gives a damn that it's her birthday! She doesn't know what day it is!"

"Get out!" she yelled. "Just get out and don't come back until you've pulled your head out of your ass and you're willing to act like a loving husband and father!"

"That suits me just fine! I won't even show up for that birthday gathering you've planned; how do you like that!"

"Good; maybe the kids will enjoy themselves without you pushing the birthday girl away and calling her brother names! You need to make some changes, Frank; I mean it! You've got to get over this hang up you have over our daughter's traits and you need to quit trying to teach our son to be unfeeling…and you need to stop blaming me for everything. If I give more attention to the kids than you think I should, did you ever think it's because maybe you haven't been around as much lately and I don't have anyone else?"

"I have to work late at times, get over it!"

"Just go," she cried; "You've done upset everything today so just go."

"I'll gladly go!" he said angrily as he stormed from the room and went to get his suit jacket and briefcase. Once he had them, he moved through the house without a word to any of them, merely slamming the door behind him after grabbing his coat and keys.

Tears filled Naomi's eyes but she held them back as she made her way to the playpen in the living room where her children were still sniffling. She pasted a smile on her face as she lifted Frankie out of the playpen and then Johanna before sinking down onto the floor and pulling them both into the circle of her arms. "It's alright," she murmured. "Don't cry anymore, it's alright."

"Am I sissy, Mommy?" Frankie asked.

"No, darling," she told him, hugging him tighter. "A boy who loves his sister and plays with her, looks after her; he's a good boy, one to be proud of. Don't you pay any attention to Daddy; he doesn't know what he's talking about. You're not a sissy at all."

"Does Jo-Jo got a boo boo?" he sniffed.

"No, honey; I checked her, she's fine," Naomi assured; "She's just being quiet because everyone is upset…it's not a good way to start her birthday, is it?"

"No," Frankie agreed.

"You were doing a good job though at making her happy when the two of you were playing, I'm sorry Daddy is in a bad mood and ruined it."

"Why's Daddy mad?"

"Because he can't always have his way," she replied; figuring it was the best answer she could come up with. "Do you know what we need? We need special pancakes since it's Johanna's birthday. What animal do you want your pancake to be?"

"A horse," Frankie replied.

"I probably could've guessed that," she said lightly, tickling him to make him laugh. "What animal should Jo-Jo have? You pick for her."

Frankie thought for a moment. "A bunny."

Naomi smiled and ruffled his hair. "That's a very good choice; Johanna likes bunnies."

Frankie eyed his mother for a moment before speaking the question of utmost importance in his mind. "Can I still have birthday cake later?"

"Of course you're going to have birthday cake later, why wouldn't you?"

"Daddy said if I wasn't nice to Jo-Jo I wouldn't get no cake…and I made Jo-Jo cry."

"You did," Naomi said with a nod; "But I don't think you would've done that if it hadn't been for what Daddy said so I'm not mad at you this time. You're going to eat cake with Johanna later; it would make her sad if her big brother didn't get to eat cake with her."

Frankie smiled a little as he took his little sister's hand. "When will Jo-Jo say my name?"

"Soon," Naomi assured.

"No!" Johanna exclaimed.

"She said no!" Frankie exclaimed.

"No!" his sister repeated.

Naomi sighed. "I bet she learned that from Daddy."

"But I thought she was going to say my name next," he said sadly.

"She will, darling; just give her time. Your name is a hard word for her right now but she'll say it, I promise; we'll keep saying it to her and eventually she'll say it back. Let's go get our pancakes made and then we'll get ready and take Johanna to get her birthday picture taken…and I'll take you to the store so you can get her a little present just from you. Would you like that?"

"Do I get a toy too?"

"It's Johanna's birthday, not yours."

"Please, Mommy."

Naomi gave a nod, it had been a rough morning; they needed a pick me up. "Alright, but something small, okay? No fits!"

"I'll be good," he promised. "I'm going to get Jo-Jo a ball…then she will have one and I will have one; we'll have two," he said holding up two small fingers.

"Very good," his mother praised; "You're doing so well with your numbers."

"Will Jo-Jo like a ball?" he asked.

"She'll love it; she likes playing ball with you. Let's go get breakfast started and then we'll get ready to go out for awhile."

* * *

After getting Johanna's picture taken for her birthday…and then slipping Frankie into a picture with her since he was dressed up and behaving himself, Naomi was content carrying her daughter through the toy store as Frankie moved along the aisles, picking out a bright red ball with a blue star on it as his birthday gift to his sister. For himself, he had chosen a package of army men…and on the spur of the moment, she had picked up a package of blocks for them to share; hoping it would inspire Frankie to keep playing with his sister despite what his father had said that morning.

"Are you finished looking?" Naomi asked Frankie after letting him browse for a few more minutes.

"Guess so. Can I ride the horse?" he asked, pointing to the coin operated horse at the front of the store. "Jo-Jo can ride with me since it's her birthday."

Naomi smiled, knowing he had included his sister as an extra way of sucking up for the five cent ride but she wouldn't let on that she was wise to him. "I think you've both been good while we've been out…and it is Johanna's birthday, so I think a pony ride is probably in order. It's very nice of you to let your sister ride with you."

"Let's go!" Frankie exclaimed.

"Let me pay for our things first," she told him; "That way I can make sure I get a few nickels. Can you wait that long?"

"Yes," he replied as he obediently followed her to the counter.

"You're being a very good boy today, I'm really proud of you."

Her son nodded. "I want to eat birthday cake later. Jo-Jo's being good too; she hasn't cried."

"You're right, she's being good," Naomi said as she nuzzled her daughter's cheek. "She must want birthday cake too."

Frankie looked up at his sister. "Say Frankie!"

"No!" Johanna exclaimed, giggling as she did so.

"Mommy, she told me no!" he stated.

"Honey, Johanna doesn't know what that word means. She just keeps saying it because it's a new word she's learned. She'll say your name soon, I'm sure of it."

Her son sighed deeply. "It's taking so long."

"She's trying," Naomi assured as she laid the toys on the counter. "It's Daddy's fault that she learned to say 'no' today."

"She learned a new word on her birthday," Frankie stated.

"Yes, she did, just not the one we wanted," Naomi said as she sat Johanna on her feet. "Hold your sister's hand so I can get my wallet out of my purse, okay?"

Frankie nodded and took his sister's hand as Johanna reached out and clutched the hem of her mother's coat with the other hand. Naomi handed the money over to the cashier, asking for some nickels in her change. Once she was finished, she put her wallet back in her purse and accepted her shopping bag, prying Johanna's hand off of her coat and holding it. "Alright, now you two can have your pony ride," she said as they made their way to the mechanical horse in front of one of the store windows.

Frankie climbed onto the base of the horse and then hoisted himself into the saddle of the horse. "I'm going to put Johanna in front of you," Naomi said as she picked up her daughter and sat her on the horse in front of her brother. "Hold on to her while I put the nickel in the slot."

Frankie wrapped an arm around his sister's midsection, holding her tight as he held on to the horse with his free hand. Naomi dropped the coin in the slot and then put a protective hand on Johanna as well as the horse started to move.

"Giddy up, horsey," Frankie said with a laugh. "Giddy up."

Naomi couldn't help but smile as Johanna giggled with her brother. "Mommy," Frankie said, his tone light. "Are we going to go see Daddy at work?"

"No, not today," she told him as the ride ended.

Johanna started to fuss as the horse ceased its motion, her brother joining her in protest. "One more ride," Frankie stated.

"You can ride another time," Naomi told him.

"Please, Mommy…it's Jo-Jo's birthday, she wants another ride," he stated.

She smiled. "You have no qualms using your sister's birthday to get what you want, do you?"

Frankie grinned. "She likes it; she wants another ride…please?"

"Oh, alright, but after this one, you're both getting off and we're going home. I want both of you to take a nap so you won't be cranky when your grandparents come over tonight for dinner and cake."

"I don't want to take a nap," he whined.

"Then you'll play quietly while Johanna naps, because she's not getting out of it."

"No, no, no!" her daughter exclaimed.

Frankie laughed as Naomi took another nickel from her purse. "Jo-Jo told you no."

"I heard; but we'll see who wins," she said with a laugh as he daughter gave another chorus of nos.

"Giddy up, horsey!" Frankie exclaimed as the horse began to move once more, his sister squealing happily.

"You have beautiful children," an older woman said as she walked past Naomi.

She smiled. "Thank you, I think so too," she answered, thinking to herself that she was glad Johanna's eyes hadn't changed colors despite Frank's wishes. Her green eyes were a part of her beauty…they were special and she wouldn't change them for anything.

* * *

Snow crunched under Frank's shoes as he stalked across the cemetery to the stone at that marked Sarah McKenzie's grave. He hadn't brought her any flowers, feeling that today she was undeserving of such a gesture, even if it was rare for him to bring her a flower anyway. Today he was there to give her a piece of his mind and a man couldn't do that and lay down flowers at the same time. It just wasn't done.

"Why?" he demanded to know as he came to a stop in front of her stone. "Why did you have to pick my daughter to live through?"

Silence and stillness filled the world around him, reminding him of the eerie feeling it had inspired in him when he was eight years old and had found his way to his mother's grave months after her burial. His mother wasn't one for being quiet…she liked noise. She liked to be busy. She wouldn't like the silence and stillness of a world that seemed to be mute. She didn't have a choice though…but he had the choice not to visit and he didn't too often, unable to shake off the fears of childhood when they'd creep up on him.

"Why?" Frank repeated. "Why her? You have other granddaughters. Why didn't you pick one that I don't have to look at! Do you know how hard Naomi prayed for a girl? I even prayed for one with her…and you had to ruin it for me! It's not fair, Sarah! I finally had it all; a successful business, a home, a wife, a son…all we needed was a pretty little girl to complete the picture and we got one…only she looks like you! You ruined it! Just like you ruined all of our lives by being stupid and weak! Those aren't traits I want in my daughter."

The wind blew softly, sending a chill through him but he didn't care; his anger would keep him warm. "To make matters worse, Naomi goes and pins your middle name on her; so now I have a dark haired, green eyed Johanna as a constant reminder of a woman who caused her own death by being stupid!"

Frank paced a few steps and then turned back to his mother's stone. "It's not fair that you ruined it for me…do you know how much I loved her when I first saw her? It's just not fair. Johanna's a year old today and I'm still seeing you every time I look at her. I prayed for her eyes to change! Why couldn't you let them change? I don't want to remember you. For 24 years I've done my best to put you out of my mind and now you're looking back at me through my kid and it isn't right. If I grow to hate her, it's going to be your fault!"

His heart squeezed a little at the thought that he might grow to hate his daughter. Surely she wouldn't give him reason to hate her…at least he hoped not. She was still a baby…there was time; he could drive those traces of Sarah McKenzie from her soul. He'd make her strong and smart, he wouldn't accept anything less. He'd make sure she wasn't doomed to her grandmother's flights of fancy or her fate.

Her grandmother…the words echoed in his mind; it was hard to think of his mother as a grandmother. It was hard enough to allow himself to recall the kind of mother she had been. "It's not fair," he grumbled. "It's just not fair…you should be here…you should be at the house, spoiling her in the name of her birthday…bouncing her on your knee to make her laugh and singing her those silly songs you always made up. You should be sneaking Frankie cookies and telling him stories…you should be here; but you're not…and I hate you for it. I hate you…and every time I have to look into my daughter's eyes and see you, I hate you a little more. I just wanted you to know that," Frank stated before turning away from her grave.

He had only gotten a few steps away when the rain started to fall and he paused in his tracks. _"It rains when the angels are crying." _His mother had always said that…he could still hear her voice in his ear as if it was yesterday. Was this sudden shower the tears of Sarah McKenzie? It seemed likely, after all, he had no doubt that she had made it to heaven and was an angel. Had he made her cry? The thought made him feel slightly ashamed…and the part of him that was still that eight year old boy felt like crying too; but he wouldn't; just like he hadn't when he was eight. He was a McKenzie and McKenzie men didn't cry.

With that thought in mind, Frank jutted his chin upwards, and continued his walk back toward the car. He didn't feel up to a family gathering tonight, even if it was his daughter's first birthday…it wasn't like she'd remember if he was there or not; and besides, all he'd be able to think about was the person who should be there…the one he hated himself for wanting there. But Sarah McKenzie would never be there; just like she hadn't been there for any of his birthdays past the age of eight. He'd just be conveniently busy tonight and creep home once the handful of guests had gone home. Naomi would be angry but she had been angry when he left…so what was a little more anger? He could take the heat, he was a McKenzie…and McKenzies did what they had to do.

* * *

That evening, Naomi held off on lighting the candle on the cake as long as possible in hope that Frank would make his way home to celebrate with their daughter. She should've known better, she thought as she left her parents and father-in-law at the table with the kids as she went to the kitchen to get the cake. Her husband was too obsessed about his daughter's eye color and making sure his son wasn't a so called 'sissy'. He was missing yet another milestone of Johanna's life. He had been in Dallas at a convention when she laughed for the first time. He was at work the first time she crawled; at a ballgame when she spoke Dada as her second word. He was bowling when she took her first steps. Now he was brooding somewhere as she celebrated her first birthday.

It made her angry.

It also made her sad…all the hoping and praying they did for a little girl and he seemed bent on missing out and holding her at arms length at times.

Naomi breathed deeply as she gripped the counter. If Frank didn't get over his issues, she could imagine a very bumpy relationship between him and his daughter as the years went by. She didn't want that…but she didn't know how to get him to properly bond with their daughter.

"Naomi," Patrick said as he entered the kitchen and made his way to her. "Where's Frank? Don't tell me he's at work because I just called the office and no one answered."

"I don't know where he is," she answered as she took the lid off of the cake holder.

"What's going on?" her father-in-law demanded to know.

"We had words," she stated as she opened the pack of candles. "I don't approve of the way he treats our children sometimes, especially our daughter."

"Meaning?"

"He doesn't give her the attention she deserves."

Patrick shrugged. "She's a girl; men prefer boys."

"Oh really?" Naomi remarked; "It's awful funny that you spend a lot of time playing peek-a-boo with her and still manage to give equal time to Frankie."

"It's different for Grandfathers," he said gruffly.

"I see…I guess that's why you allow your granddaughter to kiss you and yet her father won't allow it…he doesn't even want her kissing her brother."

"Well you can't have the boy turning into a sissy," Patrick stated.

Naomi rolled her eyes. "I heard all about that this morning and it's a bunch of bull."

"It's the truth!"

She carefully stuck the candle in the cake above the words 'Happy Birthday Johanna'. "I guess you also think it's okay for Frank to constantly carry on about Johanna's eye color."

"She has Sarah's eyes," Patrick stated, gruffness in his tone as he looked away.

"Yes, I know. It's all I've heard for a year."

"Well you can't expect Frank not to be bothered by it."

"What good comes of being bothered by it? Does it bother you?"

"Sometimes," Patrick admitted. "But I try to ignore it the best I can."

"I wish Frank would ignore it…I wish he'd see it as his mother living on and be comforted by it."

"He'd rather her stay buried."

"I think all of you would," Naomi remarked. "She's barely spoken of…Frank has a few photos of her but he keeps them locked in a box. I told him we should set one out with the rest of the family photos, he refuses. Even you don't have a picture of Sarah sitting out."

"I have her picture on my nightstand," he answered; "And one in my desk drawer. They're in places where only I see them; that's how I prefer it."

"Do you think that's right? When you all buried Sarah; you buried her memory too…and you buried it too deep."

"It's easier to forget, Naomi."

"Is it?" she asked; "Because if you ask me, none of you have been able to forget…and trying to keep her memory buried in a box doesn't do a damn bit of good. Maybe if you allowed yourselves to talk about her, remember her…set out a photo…maybe then you'd be able to work through it and move on with less pain."

Patrick shook his head. "She's gone, there's nothing to speak of."

"But there is…she's my mother-in-law and I know barely anything about her. Her grandchildren won't know anything about her if you and Frank and the others don't speak of her."

"They're not going to know her because she's dead; photos and stories aren't going to change anything; they're just secondhand accounts. To speak of her often would only serve to remind us all of the end. No one needs that. Seeing little Johanna look like her grandmother in some ways is enough to bring back that pain…especially the eyes…and it's possible that Frank recalls my mother always saying that green eyed women weren't to be trusted…green eyed women break the hearts of those who love them."

"That's ridiculous…it's just as ridiculous as Frank this morning saying that his mother's spirit is in our daughter. She's a beautiful baby girl…and clearly her grandmother was beautiful too. Sarah didn't break your hearts on purpose…but Frank might break Johanna's all because he can't get over this and it isn't right. So where are the warnings about brown eyed men? Perhaps it ought to be said that brown eyed men are hard hearted."

Patrick gave her a small smile. "Listen, Naomi; Frank will get used to her eyes being green one day. You'll just have to be patient. As for me, I love the little lass and I do my best to ignore the resemblance to Sarah…and as for Sarah; we have to leave her where she is."

"Do you think that's what she'd want?"

He smiled sadly. "No…but I guess that's what she gets for leaving me. Light the candle now, those kids are waiting for their cake and ice cream."

Naomi closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing back her frustration before she found the matches and lit the candle on the birthday cake. She carefully carried it to the table and held it away from Johanna's hands as they all sang 'Happy Birthday' to her.

"Frankie, help Johanna blow out her candle; make a nice wish for her," Naomi told him as she held the cake in front of Johanna's high chair.

Frankie stood on his chair and blew out the candle. "I wish for Jo-Jo to say my name."

She couldn't help but laugh softly as she sat the cake on the table. "I think that's more of a wish for you rather than a wish for your sister but I suppose it'll do."

"You should've seen that coming," Sophia remarked.

"Probably," she agreed. "Dad, did you get a picture of the cake with the candle lit?"

"I got it, Naomi," her father assured as he sat the camera back down on the table.

"Thank you," she said as she began slicing pieces of cake to pass out.

* * *

As the evening wore on, Naomi collected all the memories Frank was missing…the sight of their daughter's face smeared with pink icing as she shoved bites of cake into her mouth. The giggles between brother and sister as they wiped smears of icing on each other that she didn't have the heart to admonish them for. He missed seeing his father set Johanna on the rocking horse he had bought her. He missed watching her open her gifts, watching her toddle into Sophia's arms; hearing her laugh as her Grandpa Calabrese batted a pink balloon back and forth to her. He missed it all…and before she knew it, the grandparents all left to go home and she bathed the children, read them a story and put them to bed.

She cleaned up the mess, stored the leftovers and straightened up the house, leaving the gifts in the living room to be dealt with the next day. Soon there was nothing left to clean, the house quiet and she was all alone, her husband still absent…his daughter's birthday celebrated without him.

* * *

The house was dark when Frank finally let himself in the door that night. Silence surrounded him as he sat down the small bag he carried and shrugged out of his coat, hanging it on the hook near the door. He picked up the bag and made his way into the living room; the television was off, the room neatly straitened despite the small pile of opened birthday gifts in the corner near the playpen. The table was still sitting off to the side of the room; apparently whoever had helped her move it hadn't stayed behind to help her put it back at the end of the evening. He'd have to do it in the morning; he figured as he made his way into the dark kitchen and turned on the light. There on the counter in the cake holder was the leftover birthday cake; it's pink icing bright and pretty, befitting a little girl celebrating her special day.

Frank frowned, he had missed his daughter's birthday…her first birthday…just as he had missed her birth. It seemed like it was going to be the way between them. It wasn't a thought that made him feel good but at the moment there wasn't anything he could do about it. He couldn't change the way things had gone any more than he could change the color of her eyes and the way they made him feel. He turned off the kitchen light and left the room, heading for the stairs, climbing them quietly with his bag in hand. He went to Frankie's room first, slipping inside without a sound and going to the bed. He straightened the covers over his son and pressed a kiss to his head before he pulled a new toy train from the bag and sat it on the nightstand where Frankie would see it first thing in the morning. Hopefully it would smooth over any hurt feelings from the things he had said…just as he was hoping the earrings in his bag would smooth things over with Naomi.

He left his son's room and made his way across the hallway, entering his daughter's room. In the dim shafts of moonlight that spilled through the window, he could see Johanna sitting up in her crib. Frank made his way to the dresser and clicked on the small dim lamp, illuminating the room. "Hey, why are you awake?" he asked softly as he approached the crib.

Johanna looked back at him, pacifier in her mouth and her small hand curled around the foot of her teddy bear that Patrick McKenzie had given her shortly after her birth. His daughter didn't stretch her arms out to him as she normally did and he frowned slightly as he sat his bag down on the floor. "Are you okay?" he asked, his hand moving over her dark hair.

She stared at him, making him feel as though she was looking into his soul and judging him. It unnerved him and he reached out and pulled the pacifier from her mouth. "You're getting too big for this, Josie," he murmured as he laid it in the crib.

Johanna stuck her thumb in her mouth as a substitution as she continued to stare at her father.

"That's a smartass move, little girl," Frank stated as he gently pulled her thumb from her mouth.

She whimpered softly as he kept her from putting her thumb in her mouth.

"Let's not have any of that," he said as he lifted her into his arms. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

His daughter didn't give him her usual stream of baby babble or her string of dadas…she didn't try to cover his face with her kisses. Tonight she was quiet and lacking her usual wiggling and giggling personality. He carried her to the changing table and checked her diaper but found her to be dry. "You're not getting sick are you?" he asked, a tinge of worry coloring his tone as he felt her forehead. She didn't show any signs of a fever so he lifted her back into his arms and got his bag before moving to the rocking chair and settling down with her on his lap.

Frank glanced at his watch. "It's still your birthday for thirty more minutes," he told her as he reached into the bag on the stand and pulled out a small rag doll. "I know Mama already got you a dolly, but I figure a girl can never have too many dolls," he said as he wiggled the doll at her.

Johanna smiled, her hands reaching for the doll. "You like it?" he asked as he allowed her to take it.

She gave her new doll a kiss and touched its face, a smile still on her lips. Frank laughed softly. "Happy Birthday, Josie."

His daughter cooed at her new friend and he brushed a kiss against her hair. "I guess your day got off to the wrong start this morning," he murmured. "That's my fault, not yours…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for missing your birthday party too. You won't remember that I wasn't there, but I will…and your mother will, so I'm not likely to forget even if I'd like to."

Johanna kept hold of her doll with one hand and rubbed her eye with the other.

"You're sleepy," Frank said as he shifted her a bit to cradle her, gently rocking the chair as he did so. She looked up at him, her fingers catching hold of the bottom of his tie. "You know I love you, right?" he asked quietly; "Because I do…it's just not easy…well, maybe that's not exactly the way to put it. It's not difficult to love you…it's just that you remind me of someone I'd rather forget. I know it's not your fault…but it doesn't seem to matter sometimes. I do love you though…I just wish things could be different; but wishes are foolish things, you know? Daddy doesn't put much stock in such things. Mommy's the dreamer…she's the one that makes the magic here; it's not me…not in any way. Mommy prayed for babies and God gave her babies, one of each, just like she wanted. I prayed for a simple change of your eye color and I was denied so that has to tell you something about your father, Josie. I'm not on the right side of things…I don't warm a pew every Sunday…in fact I can't even remember the last time I did warm one. Your Mommy goes though, which you know, because she takes you and Frankie…and I guess that gives her a better chance at getting the things she wants. That's okay though, she deserves everything that she wants…and she wanted you more than the moon and all the stars in the sky…and God gave her you. I wanted you too…I just hoped that you'd look exactly like your mother."

"Dada," Johanna said softly.

He nodded. "I know; you do look like her…but you look like someone else too. You look like your grandmother Sarah. You don't know her…but I'm sure she knows you; she's an angel now…has been for a long time…sometimes I wonder if she was ever really here at all," he said as he continued to rock his daughter. "You looking like her was the last thing I ever expected. It's the last thing I wanted too…it's taken the shine off things…but I still love you."

"No," his daughter remarked.

Frank's brow furrowed. "When did you start saying 'no'?"

"No!"

"I bet I'm getting blamed for that," Frank remarked; "But I do love you, Josie…I want you to know that."

"No!"

"Okay; I get it, you have a new word; now listen to me," he stated.

"No."

Frank smirked at her. "You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?"

"Mama," Johanna said.

"Mama told you to do it? I'll buy that," he replied.

"Mama," she said again as she rubbed her eye.

"You don't need mama right now; Daddy's here…I can put you to sleep just as well as she can."

"Mama," Johanna murmured, a whimper slipping across her lips.

"What, I'm not good enough for you?" he asked, taking offense as she started to fuss, gearing up to cry. "I even brought you a gift and now I'm not good enough to hold you while you fall asleep?"

"It's not like that at all, Frank," Naomi said from the doorway.

His head jerked up at the sound of his wife's voice. "How long have you been there?"

"Not long," she answered. "I heard someone moving around up here, I thought Frankie had gotten up and was over here waking up his sister."

"She was awake when I came in," Frank stated. "I don't know why though."

"Probably too much excitement for her this evening," Naomi replied as she entered the room and made her way to them. "It was hard to get her down earlier…but she looks sleepier this time."

"Mama!"

"Apparently she's made her choice too," Frank said gruffly as he got up from the chair and shoved their daughter toward Naomi.

"Frank," she said as she adjusted her hold on Johanna. "She wants me because I'm the one who always gets up with her when she wakes up at night…you never once got up with her in the middle of the night. I'm lucky if you come up and get her in the mornings. I tend to her when she's sick, when she's fussy, when she's tired…you don't give her all that much attention, Frank. When it comes to the kids, you give your attention to Frankie and whatever is left over, you give to Johanna and it's not much. She loves you…but she looks for me when she wants comfort because I'm the only one who gives it to her. If you want her to be that comfortable with you putting her to bed, then you need to start giving her some more attention."

"There's a gift for you in the bag," Frank said with a nod at the stand by the chair. "I'm going to go get ready for bed."

"Frank," she sighed.

"It's fine, Naomi; I don't care that she wants you. You're her mother, lullabies and bedtime stories are your job."

"And what's yours?"

"Keeping a roof over her head and food in her stomach," he replied.

"I think it's about more than that," Naomi remarked.

Frank shrugged. "I told you from the beginning that I wouldn't be good at this, Naomi."

"You're not a bad father…but you could give a little more feeling where your daughter is concerned…and you are the reason why her new word is 'no', it's all she hears from you. Frankie was so hoping her third word would be his name."

"She'll pick it up eventually," he said with a sigh, watching as she settled down in the chair.

"Dada," Johanna said, her head turning in his direction.

"She's waiting for her kiss goodnight," Naomi stated.

He huffed a little and leaned down, kissing her forehead. "Goodnight, Josie. Happy Birthday."

Naomi rocked slowly as she watched her husband leave the room and then she looked down at her baby. "Well, sweetheart; I guess Mama blew her promise to you. I told you on the day you were born we'd make your next birthday better…and today wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I didn't plan on Daddy having his hang ups…I didn't plan on us arguing or him skipping your little birthday gathering. Maybe neither one of us are good at this."

Johanna cuddled closer, her doll still clutched to her. Naomi smiled. "Did Daddy give you a doll? She's a nice dolly…I guess Daddy was out buying guilt gifts; that means he was wrong…he just doesn't like to say it. He does love you though, so do I…and I promise, we'll get your birthday right one of these years."

Johanna gave her a sleepy smile and she couldn't help but laugh softly. "I know, you're thinking 'one of these years?'…well, I'm afraid to promise it for next year because look at how this year went."

Her baby babbled at her sleepily and Naomi started humming a lullaby as she rocked her. It didn't take long for Johanna to fall back to sleep but she held her for awhile longer...her baby was a year old, she was walking…and soon she'd be running. She was learning words…it was already going by so quickly. She hugged her tighter as she swallowed hard; she hoped the year leading up to Johanna's second birthday would go slowly…she just wanted her to be her baby for awhile longer. Finally she rose from the chair and carried Johanna to the crib. She kissed her hair softly before laying her down, keeping her doll next to her as she covered her up. "Happy Birthday, Princess…let's take this next year slowly. I love you."

_A/N: Fourth birthday is up next!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews. Sorry for the wait on this one; I had it half way finished and then decided to re-write it._

Chapter 3- Fearless Four- February 4, 1955

"No, Colleen!" Johanna exclaimed as she pulled her doll away from her nearly two year old sister.

Colleen wailed unhappily, kicking her legs and flailing her arms as she always did when she was having a fit. "Mine!" she screamed.

"It's mine!" Johanna retorted. "You got a doll!"

Colleen screamed louder, trying to pull the doll away from her sister.

"No!"

"Johanna Elizabeth," Naomi said firmly as she stepped into the living room from the kitchen. "You share with your sister!"

"It's my doll," Johanna cried as she held on it. "Colleen's got a doll!"

"She wants to play with a different one now; you've been playing with that doll all day. Let her have a turn!"

Stubbornness flicked across her four year old daughter's face. "No! It's my doll. Grandpa gived me this dollhouse and dolls for my birthday! It's my birthday, not Colleen's!"

Naomi's jaw dropped, surprised that her normally well behaved daughter had just sassed her. "Don't you talk back to me, little girl! I can cancel that birthday party tomorrow!"

"No," Johanna whined. "I want more presents."

"Well you're not going to get any if you keep it up! I've just about had it today, little miss."

"It's my doll and my dollhouse!"

Naomi sighed deeply. She was going to kill Patrick McKenzie. He just couldn't wait until Johanna's party the next afternoon. No; he had come through the door with that doll house and set of dolls first thing that morning, stating that his granddaughter's birthday was today and it wasn't right to make her wait until Saturday at her party for her gift. Her life had been hell ever since as the girls fought over it all day long.

"It is your dollhouse," she stated; "But you still have to share with Colleen; she's your sister. Now you let her play with that doll and you play with a different one for awhile."

"It's not fair!" Johanna cried as she threw the doll at her sister.

"Hey," Naomi said sharply. "You don't throw things at your sister!"

"Put her in the playpen. I want to play by myself!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Don't you tell me what to do," Naomi exclaimed. "You're going to play with your sister or I'm sending you to your room and letting her play with it by herself and then I'm going to call Grandpa and tell him to come and take it back!"

"No!" she cried. "It's mine!"

"Then you better play nice!" her mother exclaimed. "I'm about fed up today, Johanna. Don't make me come in here and tell you again."

Johanna turned away from her mother and selected another doll from the set her grandfather had given her as Naomi headed back for the kitchen. She put the small doll in the house, intending to sit her down at the kitchen table but Colleen reached in and grabbed her. "No, Colleen! Mommy, she's trying to take my doll!"

Naomi stood at the threshold of the kitchen. "Johanna, you have to understand that your sister is just a baby; she doesn't understand sharing yet. Just play nice with her like I asked you to, alright?"

"I hate her!" Johanna exclaimed in frustration.

"No, you don't!" Naomi retorted; "And don't you ever let me hear you say that again!"

She pouted, tears filling her eyes as she pulled her doll out of Colleen's hand. Her sister screamed, throwing her fit once more. "Johanna!" their mother stated.

"Fine!" Johanna yelled, throwing down the doll. "I'm not playing anymore!"

Naomi breathed deeply, trying to find her last ounce of patience. "Sweetheart; why are you so cranky today? Birthday girls are supposed to be happy."

"I just want to play with my dollhouse," she cried; "And Colleen takes everything! Please put her away in the play pen."

"But she wants to play with you," Naomi said, doing her best to keep her frustration out of her voice. "Just try a little harder to be patient with her. Frankie didn't like sharing with you either when you were Colleen's age."

"Frankie don't share with me!"

"Yes, he does."

"No, he don't."

"He does when I make him and I'm making you! Now I've had it, play nice."

Johanna whimpered and reached for yet another doll only to have Colleen make a grab for it. "Mine!" Colleen yelled.

"No, it's not! Let me have one!"

"Mine!" her little sister yelled again before leaning over and sinking her teeth into Johanna's arm.

"OWWW!" Johanna screamed. "STOP IT, COLLEEN! MOMMY!"

Colleen held on, biting into her skin as Johanna tried to wiggle away from her. Finally she managed to slap her sister in the face, the action making Colleen let go and let out a loud wail.

"Johanna!" Naomi yelled; "You don't hit your sister in the face!"

"She bited me!" Johanna cried, tears streaming down her face as she held her arm out but Naomi was too busy examining the red mark on Colleen's cheek.

"That doesn't give you a right to hit!" her mother scolded. "I'll deal with Colleen when she's bad, not you!"

"But she hurt me!"

"That doesn't mean you hurt her in return, you let me or Daddy deal with it! Now this is your last warning; if you misbehave again, you're going to your room until dinner and I'll be canceling that birthday party tomorrow."

"You're mean," Johanna sniffled as her mother cuddled her little sister. "It all Colleen's fault and she don't get in trouble."

"Colleen's a baby; she doesn't know better," Naomi said. "Now let me check your arm."

"No," Johanna sniffled as she moved back to her doll house. "Leave me alone."

Her mother sighed. "Sweetie; you've brought this on yourself today. You've been in trouble all day because you don't want to share your dollhouse…is that how you want to spend your birthday?"

She swiped at her eyes but said nothing, her chin jutting upwards as she reached for her doll.

"Bambina, let me check your arm," Naomi said as she moved closer.

"No," Johanna said turning away from her. "You only like Colleen."

"That's not true," she told her. "I love both of you; why would you say that?"

"Frankie told me so."

"And you believe Frankie?"

She nodded, her fingers straightening the doll's dress and then smoothing her hair.

"Well he's wrong; I love all three of you."

Johanna ignored her, placing her doll in the kitchen of her house as she had wanted it before Colleen bit her.

Naomi sighed. "Four is getting off to a rough start, Bambina."

Her daughter sniffled and went on playing with her dolls as she eyed the bite mark on her arm. She could count all of Colleen's teeth but thankfully she hadn't broken the skin. "Alright, Colleen, I'm going to put you back down here with Sissy; you be nice."

"Sissy mean!"

"No, she's not," Naomi said as she sat Colleen down. "She's just cranky today."

"I'm telling Daddy," Johanna sniffled as she laid her doll down and pushed herself off the floor.

"Johanna; you're not to bother your father when he's working at home," Naomi stated. "You're going to get in trouble."

"I'm already in trouble," she exclaimed as she stomped off to her father's home office and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Frank asked gruffly.

"It me," Johanna answered.

"Go bother your mother, Johanna. I'm busy."

"Please, Daddy," she pleaded. "I need you."

Frank looked up from the blueprints he was studying, his heart squeezing a little at her words. His eldest daughter rarely needed him…rarely sought him out. "Come in," he told her.

The doorknob turned and Johanna entered the room, pushing the door shut behind her before hurrying around his desk to stand near his chair. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Colleen bited me," she said holding out her arm.

Frank examined the mark, gently brushing his fingertips against it. "She did it again, did she?"

"Uh huh," she pouted. "It hurts."

He looked into her small face, seeing the pout on her lips that hinted that she was waiting for someone to kiss it and make it better. That was usually Naomi's job…but he had come home at noon, deciding that his home office would suffice since it was a slow day and he had heard Naomi yelling at Johanna numerous times. He supposed he was going to have to be the one to kiss the boo-boo this time. He lifted her onto his lap and kissed the bite mark on her arm. "Does that feel better?"

"Uh huh," she said, allowing herself to snuggle against him…another rarity, Frank couldn't help but think as he held her.

"I thought I told you to smack Colleen when she bites you."

"I did. Mommy got mad and yelled at _me_!"

"Why?"

"Cause Colleen's a baby," she said, mimicking her mother the best she could.

"Colleen's a little brat," Frank muttered.

"I know," Johanna said seriously as she nodded. "But Mommy likes her best even though she's been bad. She's been mean to me all day."

"Mommy or Colleen?"

"Mommy and Colleen have been mean," his daughter stated.

"I see," he replied. "What's going on today that they're being mean to you?"

"I want to play with my dollhouse and Mommy is making me share with Colleen and she keeps taking all my dolls and Mommy says I got to let her but it's my dollhouse! Grandpa gived it to me for my birthday! It's my birthday, not Colleen's!"

Frank nodded. "You do have a point, it's your birthday and it's your gift from Grandpa."

"Mommy keeps making me share it and Colleen don't play nice! I want Mommy to put her away in the playpen but she won't; she just yells at me and says she's gonna cancel my birthday party."

"Oh no she's not," Frank stated. "Daddy done paid for that party and Mommy isn't canceling anything unless she's got the money to hand back to me."

"She said she will cancel it and I won't get no more presents cause I'm being bad…it's Colleen's fault! She don't get in trouble! It's not fair!"

Frank gave her a gentle squeeze. "It isn't fair that Colleen hasn't gotten in trouble for being bad; she'll be two in two months; it's time for her to start learning right from wrong but Mommy wants to baby her."

"I don't want to play with Colleen all the time…I just want to play with my dollhouse by myself; it's mine."

"I know," he said, a measure of sympathy stirring in his soul.

Johanna sighed deeply, her bottom lip poking out as she glanced at the papers on her father's desk. "Daddy?"

"What?"

"What's that big picture?" she asked.

"That's a blueprint," Frank told her, rolling the chair closer so she could see it better. "A blueprint is a picture of a building that needs to be built."

Johanna studied the drawing. "Are you gonna build that building, Daddy?"

"My workers are going to build it," he replied.

"What is that building for?"

"It's going to be an apartment building," Frank explained. "See all these different boxes?"

"Uh huh."

"Those are apartments; when it's all done, people will live in each one of those squares."

"Mommies and daddies and babies?" Johanna asked.

He nodded. "Yeah; families will live there; and probably some people that don't have babies yet."

"Can I see that building?" she asked.

"It's not built yet, honey. When it's finished, I'll take you to see it, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

The door of the office opened and Naomi poked her head inside. "Johanna, Daddy is working, you need to go play with your sister."

"She's fine," Frank told her, a touch of tartness in his voice. "Why don't you go play with Colleen and see how long you last with her."

"Frank…" Naomi started to say.

"Daddy, do you build dollhouses?" Johanna asked.

He laughed. "No; my company hasn't built any dollhouses; toy companies make those but they have blueprints too so they know how to make them."

"How do they make a blueprint?" his daughter asked as Naomi shook her head and shut the door.

"Well, there's this person called an architect; he's a man who knows how to draw technical pictures…you probably don't understand what that means, but he knows how to draw the inside and outside of buildings; and then the architect shows the drawings to me and I have my workers build it. They use the blueprint to tell them how to do it."

"Like directions for a game?" Johanna asked.

He patted her leg, a smile on his lips. "That's right; you're a smart girl. Blueprints are directions that the construction crew uses to build a building."

"Is it hard?"

Frank nodded. "It's very hard work."

"Daddy, did you ever build a building with the directions?"

"Yes," he told her; "I have done construction work…before I started my company."

"Now you got a big office in a big building," Johanna said.

"That's right," he replied as he gave in to the urge to press a kiss against the top of her head. "How about I go put Colleen in her playpen so you can play with your dollhouse by yourself until dinner? Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes, Daddy," she answered, smiling up at him.

Frank adjusted his hold on her and rose from the chair, carrying her from the room and back to the living room. "Colleen's chewing on one of my new dolls!" she said in distress as he sat her down in front of her dollhouse.

"I'll get it," he told her as he wrestled the doll away from Colleen and then picked her up and put her in the playpen. He tossed some of the baby toys in with her as she started to wail. "You stop that," Frank told Colleen. "You sit in there for awhile and play with your own toys so your sister can have some peace!"

"Frank!" Naomi exclaimed as she entered the room from the kitchen. "What are you doing?"

"Restoring peace to my household," he remarked. "Johanna doesn't want to play with Colleen anymore today."

"Well that's too damn bad," his wife retorted. "They're sisters and they're going to play together nicely…and you will share that dollhouse, Johanna; or it's going back to your grandfather!"

"No!" she cried. "It's mine; Daddy said so!"

"They don't need to play together every minute of the day," Frank retorted. "Johanna isn't responsible for keeping Colleen entertained."

"Out!" Colleen wailed from the playpen. "Me out!"

'No!" Frank stated. "You sit down and play with your own toys!"

"She wants to play with Johanna," Naomi stated. "She'll keep crying if we don't let her out."

"What else is new?" Frank asked. "She's been screaming her head off since you brought her home from the hospital. I barely even notice it anymore. Ignore it like I do."

Naomi scoffed. "So I'm just supposed to let my baby cry?"

"Yes; that's exactly what you need to start doing so you can break this bullshit of hers," he stated. "Frankie and Johanna weren't that way, and if they had been, I would've told you the same thing."

"They have a different temperament than Colleen does."

"Well then it's time to change her temperament!"

"She's just a baby, Frank."

"See, Daddy," Johanna said; "I told you that's what Mommy says."

He nodded. "I know; she needs to find a new phrase. You go ahead and play with your dolls. I'll deal with Mommy and her moodiness."

"Okay, Daddy."

Seeing Johanna moving toward the box of dolls, Frank gave his attention back to his wife. "Colleen is almost two years old; it's time for her to learn. Now I said she's staying in the playpen and Johanna's playing on her own just like Frankie's upstairs playing on his own and that's the end of it," he said before turning and heading back to the office.

Naomi huffed as she watched Johanna settle in front of her dollhouse, picking up her favored doll and returning to what she had been doing before Colleen bit her.

"Mama, out," Colleen cried as she stood in the playpen. "Out! Pease!"

She sighed, her arms reaching for her child. Why should she force her to stay in a pen while the other two children were at liberty, able to roam where they wanted? She lifted Colleen out of the playpen, cuddling her as she wiped her tears with the corner of her apron. She kissed her soft cheeks several times until she began to calm and then she carried her closer to Johanna and sat her down. "You be nice to Sissy, Colleen," she told her as she eyed her daughter.

"Daddy said she was staying in the playpen!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Daddy doesn't tell me what to do and neither do you," Naomi told her. "Now play nice."

Johanna shifted, turning slightly away from her sister as Naomi headed back to the kitchen. Frankie came bounding down the stairs, following on his mother's heels. "Can I have a cookie?" he asked.

"No; you had two an hour ago when you got home from school," Naomi told him. "You can wait until dinner."

"But I'm hungry now!"

"You'll be fine awhile longer," she stated, aggravation in her tone.

Frankie scowled. "It's not fair," he muttered.

"So I've heard," Naomi remarked; thinking to herself that she had now heard that from two of her three children.

Frankie stomped off to the living room, going to the TV and turning it on, casting a glance at his sisters as he did so. He saw that Colleen had one of his trucks in her hand and stormed over and tore it out her hand and marched away as she screamed.

"Johanna Elizabeth!" Naomi exclaimed from the kitchen.

"I didn't do it!" Johanna cried. "Frankie did."

Frankie pretended to be shocked by the statement as his mother entered the room. "No, I didn't! Johanna did it; all I did was get my truck."

"I didn't do it!" Johanna yelled. "It was Frankie; he took his truck from Colleen!"

"I did not," Frankie lied.

"Knock it off, all three of you," Naomi said sternly. "Johanna, if you take one more thing from your sister, you're going to be sorry."

"I didn't!"

"You've been doing it all day!" Naomi yelled back; "Now knock it off!"

Frankie laughed at his sister as his mother went back into the kitchen. "Ha-ha, you got in trouble."

"Shut up!" Johanna retorted.

Colleen reached for the doll in her hand and Johanna jerked her hand away. "No, play with yours!"

"Sissy mean!" Colleen yelled before leaning over and sinking her teeth into Johanna's arm once more.

"OW! MOMMY! DADDY!" Johanna screamed as she slapped Colleen's face a little harder this time, making her let go and then she shoved her, making her fall over which sent Colleen into a screaming fit.

"JOHANNA!" Naomi yelled.

"She bited me again!" she cried.

"And what did I tell you! I would've handled it; you don't hit!"

"Daddy told me to smack her when she does that!"

"You don't listen to your father when he tells you to hit people in the face, that's wrong!" Naomi yelled as she examined Colleen's face before yanking the doll from Johanna's hand and dragging her to her feet. She slapped her hand against her eldest daughter's backside twice and then headed for the stairs with her. "You're going to sit on the steps until dinner and think about what you did! You have been so bad today, Johanna; and on your birthday at that!"

"What the hell is going on!?" Frank bellowed as Naomi was directing Johanna to a step.

"Colleen bited me again!" Johanna cried.

"How did she bite you? She was in the playpen," he stated.

"Mommy took her out," his daughter replied, holding her arm out so he could see the newest bite mark.

"Oh she did, did she?"

"Uh huh; and I smacked Colleen like you said and Mommy smacked my butt!"

Frank turned to Naomi, his brown eyes dark with anger. "And did you punish Colleen for biting?"

"No; she doesn't understand."

"Uh huh," he said as he stormed into the living room where Colleen had Johanna's doll in hand. He pulled the doll from her hand and smacked her mouth, making Colleen cry once more. "You don't bite, Colleen! Every time you bite someone in this house, you're getting your mouth smacked and I don't care if your mother likes it or not!" he yelled as he picked her up. "If your sister is being punished, so are you; you're staying in that damn playpen until dinner and you can scream your damn head off!"

"Don't smack her mouth!" Naomi exclaimed. "If you're going to discipline her, a swat on the bottom will suffice."

"Her bottom didn't do the biting; her mouth did," Frank replied; "And I'm sick of it. She must think she's part dog and that her brother and sister are her chew toys! It's going to stop!"

"Oh and we're just going to do it your way," Naomi retorted. "You want to discipline Colleen but it's fine that Johanna doesn't like to share and has jerked things out of her hands all day; it's fine that Frankie tattles…you're fine with those things."

"Johanna shares with her sister more often than she doesn't," he stated. "Today is Johanna's day; the dollhouse is her gift from her grandfather and she doesn't have to share it or let that brat chew on those dolls that my father paid a fortune for! Now that's how it is! Johanna, go play; your punishment is over, you didn't do anything wrong. This wouldn't have happened if your mother had listened and left Colleen in the playpen."

"Don't you move from that step!" Naomi said, pointing a finger at her. "I will not tolerate you hitting your sister! You stay there until dinner and as for you, Frank; go back to your office!"

Frank's hand clenched at his side, his eyes narrowing at his wife. "I'm going to walk away, Naomi; not because you told me to, but because I have to so I don't get tempted to give you a smack like I gave Colleen," he stated before storming back to his office.

She glared at his back as he disappeared into his office. Colleen continued to wail in the playpen while Johanna cried on the stairs and Frankie laughed from his spot on the living room floor, making Naomi wish for a moment that she could run away but she did her best to shrug it off.

"Me play dolls!" Colleen screamed.

"No more dolls," Naomi told her. "Be quiet."

Colleen continued to cry, as did Johanna and Naomi felt like she was at her wits end as she moved to the stairs. "Come here, let me check the new bite," she told her eldest daughter.

"No," Johanna cried as she turned, putting her back to the wall and pulling her legs up against her. "Leave me alone."

"Johanna," she sighed.

"Leave me alone…go check Colleen; she's the baby," Johanna stated, her voice thick with tears.

"I'm not liking this attitude that has come along with your new age, sweetie."

Johanna stayed silent, a pout on her lips despite the angle of her chin. That McKenzie arrogance, Naomi thought to herself as she turned away to head back to the kitchen. She was definitely Frank McKenzie's child.

* * *

Time seemed to pass slowly to Johanna as she sat on the step, her brother making numerous trips past her, knocking into her, calling her names in a hushed voice. She ignored him until finally he stopped on the step in front of her, a cocky grin on his face.

"Nobody likes you," Frankie taunted. "That's why they got Colleen because they didn't like you and needed a new girl baby."

"Shut up, Frankie!" Johanna replied.

"It's true," he told her. "As soon as they find someone to take you, you're going away and you won't live here anymore and then Colleen will be the only girl."

"Mommy and Daddy aren't getting rid of me!"

"Yes, they are," he laughed. "Someone is going to come take you away to a place for bad girls…that's why we're having a party tomorrow."

"That's my birthday party," Johanna retorted.

Frankie shook his head. "Nope; that's your goodbye party…we don't want you so you gotta go away."

Tears pooled in her eyes. "I'll go live with Grandma; she loves me."

"You should. You should run away before they come get you at your party."

Johanna worried her bottom lip; was her mommy going to get rid of her? Was that why she was being so mean to her? Her stomach hurt as tears spilled down her cheeks. Mommy did like Colleen better…so maybe she was getting rid of her.

Frankie smiled, seeing that his story had the desired effect on his little sister. "I'll be glad when you go live at the place for bad girls. I'm not going to miss you."

"I won't miss you either!"

"I bet you'll miss ice cream and toys…you won't have no ice cream and no toys at your new home."

Johanna glared at him. "I hate you!"

"I hate you more!" he retorted as he reached out and grabbed her hair by the roots and yanked as hard as he could, making her scream.

"Let go!" Johanna screamed, her fist drawing back and swinging forward, clipping him in the chin.

"Ow!" he yelled, letting go of her hair to rub his chin.

"That's it, I've had it!" Naomi yelled, swatting Frankie on the backside. "You go sit on the couch and don't move until I say so; and you, little miss," she said jerking Johanna off the step and swatting her bottom as well; "You're going to your room for the rest of the night; I'll bring your dinner up to you and when you're finished, you're going straight to bed. You have been bad all day long and it's stopping right now!"

"What the hell is going on now?!" Frank demanded to know.

"Daddy!" Johanna cried, her arms reaching out to him.

Reflex had him reaching for her but Naomi blocked his path. "No; she's going to her room. Go on, Johanna; I'll be up in a minute to make sure you're settled."

"Why are you sending her to her room?" Frank asked.

"Because thanks to you telling our children to beat the hell out of each other all the time, Frankie just about ripped her hair out and she punched him; she got him right in the chin!"

"See, Daddy!" Frankie said, showing him the red mark.

"Did you pull your sister's hair?" Frank asked; "And don't even think of lying to me, boy."

"Yes," he answered.

"Then you got what you deserved just like Colleen did. Johanna has a right to defend herself, Naomi!"

"None of them need to be hitting each other," she said, her gaze returning to her daughter who had made her way to the top of the stairs and stood there. "I told you go to your room!"

"No!" Johanna yelled back. "Send Frankie to his room!"

"You go!" Naomi told her; "You haven't behaved an entire hour all day!"

"I'm going to go live with my Grandma!" she exclaimed. "Call her and tell her come get me!"

"No, I won't!"

"Call her! I want to live with Grandma!"

"You're staying right here where you belong! And I'll tell you something else, little girl; there will be no party tomorrow and no gifts! How do you like that!?" Naomi exclaimed.

"Yes, there is!" Johanna retorted. "My Daddy said I'm having my party cause he done paid for it and you don't have money to give him. How do _you _like that!" she said with a stomp of her foot.

Naomi's jaw dropped as Frank tried hard not to laugh. "Do you hear the attitude she has today?" his wife asked in outrage.

Frank nodded. "She's a McKenzie...we don't take shit laying down."

Naomi's blue eyes blazed. "Well I've got news for both of you; I'll say if a birthday party takes place or not!"

"You're not the boss!" Johanna exclaimed; "Daddy is; he's got a office!"

"She's not wrong," Frank remarked.

"Oh but she is," Naomi stated. "I am the boss here and I don't give a damn what your father said; now I said go to your room!"

Johanna's small hands clenched into fists as she stuck her tongue out at her mother.

Frank couldn't hold back his laughter as he looked at his daughter sticking her tongue out in anger.

"You think it's funny, Frank!" Naomi exclaimed.

He nodded. "A little…I mean look at her, she's so serious…and it's kind of refreshing to see her take you on; she's usually your little shadow but you've pissed her off all day and now she's letting you have it."

"It wouldn't be funny if she was doing it to you."

"No, that wouldn't be funny…but it's not me so I'm kind of amused."

"That's real nice," Naomi remarked. "You decide to work from home this afternoon and all you've done is undermine my authority with the children!"

"I haven't undermined anything! You're the one who let's them get away with everything, especially Colleen! If you wouldn't insist on her being up Johanna's ass all day, there wouldn't have been any problems, but no, you can't listen…so guess what, Naomi; they get that trait from you!"

"And they get being roughnecks from you!"

"Well at least they'll know how to take care of themselves! What's up your ass today?" he asked her. "You haven't been this moody since you were pregnant," Frank stated; and then the realization set in. "Oh my God…tell me you're not pregnant!"

Naomi swallowed hard. "I don't know yet."

"What do you mean you don't know!"

"The doctor is supposed to call today but he hasn't yet!"

"You better not be pregnant," he stated; "Because I am done, Naomi! I was done after baby number two…you snuck number three in on me and I am done! There is not going to be a fourth! I don't want anymore damn kids! Some days I'm not sure I want the three we have!"

"Well what if I want another one!" Naomi yelled.

"Then you better go find another husband because it's not going to be with me! We don't have room for another one. I don't want another one; I didn't want the last one! No more!"

"You might not have a choice!" she retorted. "If I am, you'll just have to accept it."

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I told you I was done…you said we were careful!"

"That doesn't mean it can't happen…that's how we got number three!"

"Oh my God," Frank stated. "I do not want anymore kids! I can't stand anymore!"

"Well you'll have to learn to stand it if I am."

"No; I'll just find an apartment and you and the kids can live here and I'll pay the bills."

"You'd leave us if I had another one!"

"I won't leave entirely; I'll pay the bills and I'll pick Frankie and Johanna up on the weekends!"

"What about Colleen!?"

"You get to keep her as a parting gift since you won't stop her from biting people! Jesus Christ, Naomi; we don't need anymore! We've got three! Three kids to feed, clothe and educate…there is not going to be a fourth!" he said before storming back to his office, Naomi hot on his heels.

Johanna remained at the top of the stairs, unsure of what to make of her parents yelling from behind the closed door of the office. Frankie drifted into view at the bottom of the steps and he glared up at her. "See what you did," he said tartly. "You made Mommy and Daddy fight and now everything is bad. It's all your fault! That's why no one likes you! I wish you would run away and live with Grandma!"

Johanna turned away from him, hurrying into her room as she started to cry again. She ran to her bed and grabbed her teddy bear, hugging him tightly as she cried into his fur. Maybe they didn't want her anymore. Maybe she would just go live with Grandma. Grandma wouldn't yell at her; she'd let her have birthday cake and presents…she wouldn't be mean to her…and Grandma didn't have other kids at her house; she could play on her own there and not get into trouble. With her mind made up, she went to the closet and got her shoes, putting them on and then kept her bear tucked protectively against her chest, she headed downstairs.

She could still hear her parents yelling in the office as she made her way through the living room.

"Where are you going?" Frankie asked as he played with his truck on the floor.

"To live with Grandma," Johanna answered. "Can you open the door for me?"

Frank smiled. "Sure," he said, getting up from the floor and hurrying to the entry way. He turned the lock on the door handle and opened it, pushing open the screendoor as well.

"Bye, stupid," he told his sister.

"Bye, dummy," she retorted as she stepped out into the cold.

Frankie shut the door behind her before she could turn back to get her coat. She shivered a little, hugging her bear tight and then she set off down the porch steps; she'd get warm at her grandmother's…she just hoped she got there before it got dark. She didn't like the dark; it scared her…but she'd try to be brave anyway.

* * *

Patrick McKenzie wasn't sure why he had the sudden urge to step outside of his home for some air but he was starting to regret it as the cold air of early February wrapped around him. He shivered a little, thinking to himself that he probably should've put on a coat. The thought was fleeting however as his housekeeper stepped outside the door and handed the garment to him.

"You'll catch your death standing out here with no coat on," Alma chastened.

"I was just getting a breath of air," he grumbled as he pulled the coat on.

Alma smiled a little. "I don't want Sarah haunting me for letting you out here in the cold without a coat."

Patrick frowned. "Let's not talk about Sarah."

"It's hard not to sometimes…she was one of my closest friends. I miss her."

"I'm aware of that, Alma."

"I know you're…," Alma started to say but trailed off as she caught sight of something across the street. "Patrick," she said, a touch of panic in her voice. "Isn't that your granddaughter?"

Patrick gave a shake of his head, trying to shake away thoughts of his wife. "Where?"

"That little girl over there!"

Patrick glanced across the street, his heart squeezing as he saw his four year old granddaughter strutting down the street, a teddy bear tucked in the crock of her arm. She wore no coat, no one was following behind her and she was quickly approaching the end of the street where she'd either have to turn and continue down the sidewalk and out of sight…or worse, step out into the street and into the traffic. Before he could even think about it, his feet were propelling him down the steps and across the street, running after the little girl.

"Johanna, stop!" he yelled.

The little girl flinched at the sound of his voice, stopping in her tracks as she clutched her bear tightly to her chest. "Grandpa," her small voice said.

"Where are you going?" Patrick asked as he reached her, lifting her into his arms as his heart beat wildly, seeing how close she was to reaching the end of the sidewalk.

"I'm going to my Grandma's," Johanna answered, her chin quivering as she shivered in the cold.

"You're going to freeze, lass," he said as he tucked her against his chest and pulled his coat around her before heading back across the street. "Why are you out here by yourself! Do you know little girls could get hurt being out by themselves?! Where is your mother and father?"

"Don't yell at her, Patrick," Alma chastened as he headed up the walk. "You'll frighten her."

He thought that maybe she should be frightened but he held his tongue as he carried the small bundle into the house. "Alright, Josie; where's mommy and daddy?"

"At home," she answered, her voice small and fearful as he sat her on her feet in the entry way.

Patrick glanced down at her, taking in her sullen face and the slightly fearful green eyes that peered up at him. Sarah's green eyes, he couldn't help but think…and he softened, offering his granddaughter his hand to hold. "I think we better go into the kitchen so Alma can make you some hot chocolate to warm you up. Would you like that?"

Johanna nodded and he led her to the kitchen as Alma followed behind them. "Does your mother and father know you're outside?" he asked once they were settled at the table.

"No," his granddaughter answered as she hugged her bear tightly.

"That's a nice bear," Patrick commented. "Is he your favorite?"

She nodded once again. "What's his name?" her grandfather asked.

"Fuzzy."

"Fuzzy," Patrick said with a laugh; "That's a good name for a bear. Where did you get him?"

Johanna looked at him. "Mommy said you gave him to me when I was a little baby."

"Oh," he said, peering at the well loved bear. "I thought he looked familiar. I'm glad you like him so much."

"I go to sleep with him," his granddaughter stated.

"I see; he's a good friend," Patrick remarked. "Why aren't you home playing with your dollhouse? It's your birthday you should be playing."

Johanna's bottom lip poked out. "It's not my birthday anymore."

"What do you mean not anymore? It's your birthday all day and all evening; it doesn't end until you're in your bed sleeping."

"Mommy said no birthday…no cake, no presents, no nothing," she pouted.

"Why would your Mommy say that? You're having a party tomorrow; I'm going to be there."

Johanna shook her head. "Mommy said no birthday. She was mean…Mommy and Daddy are fighting now. I'm going to go live with my Grandma."

"It's a long walk from here to your grandma's," Patrick told her.

"Maybe you can drive me in your car," his granddaughter suggested as Alma put a small plate of cookies in front of her.

"We'll see," he replied.

"She is so adorable," Alma cooed as she ran a hand over Johanna's dark curls. "She's got the face of a porcelain doll; and those beautiful green eyes…she looks just like Sar.."

"Alma," Patrick said gruffly, cutting her off. "Maybe you should listen at the back door every so often to see if you hear anyone yelling for a certain person."

Alma nodded, but not before giving her employer a sharp look for cutting her off mid sentence.

"Now, Josie; what's been going on today that has you wanting to go live with your grandma?"

"Everybody's being mean to me."

"They're being mean to you on your birthday? That's not very nice."

"It's not," his granddaughter agreed.

"What happened that caused all this trouble for you?" he asked.

"Colleen bited me!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Your sister bit you again!?" Patrick asked.

"Uh huh."

"What did you do when she bit you?"

"I smacked her," she said matter of factly.

Her grandfather gave a nod. "That seems reasonable to me."

"Mommy said I can't smack Colleen; she just a baby."

"She's almost two years old; she needs to quit biting people!" Patrick exclaimed. "What happened after you got in trouble?"

"Daddy put Colleen away in the playpen and said I could play with my dollhouse by myself but Mommy says I got to share and she took her out. Then Colleen bited me again!" she exclaimed, holding her arm out for her grandfather to see.

"Good lord, that kid must be half piranha," he muttered, taking in the bite marks on Johanna's small arm.

"What's a pawna?" Johanna asked.

"A fish with sharp teeth. What did you do when Colleen bit you again?"

"I smacked her and pushed her over."

"That still seems reasonable to me," he remarked; "Then what happened?"

"Colleen cried again and Mommy yelled and smacked my butt and said I had to sit on the step and think about it."

"Did you think about it?" Patrick asked.

"No; Frankie kept saying mean things. He kept pulling my hair and said no one likes me," she said sadly. "He said Mommy loves Colleen and they don't want me no more."

"Frankie's a little liar," her grandfather stated. "Your mommy loves you and they still want you as much as always. Did you tell on Frankie?"

"No; I punched him when he pulled my hair."

Patrick laughed as he tossled her hair. "You're a feisty one, lass."

"Mommy yelled and got mad and smacked my butt again and it hurt…and then she made me go to my room and said no birthday party."

"What happened next?" her grandfather asked as he stole a cookie from the plate in front of her.

"I cried and got my bear and Frankie opened the door for me so I can go live with Grandma."

"You cried and then decided to go live with your grandmother?" he repeated.

"Uh huh; Grandma loves me."

"She does," Patrick agreed. "But your mommy loves you too."

"She loves Colleen."

"She loves you both."

"I want to live with Grandma," Johanna stated. "Grandma will give me cake. Mommy and Daddy are mad and I'm not going to get cake because I'm a bad girl."

"You're not a bad girl," Patrick said as he ran his hand over her dark hair. "Your sister was bad for biting you and you had a right to defend yourself. Your brother was bad for pulling your hair and saying mean things and you had a right to defend yourself against him too. The law says if someone is hurting you, you're allowed to defend yourself."

"What's a law?" Johanna asked as Alma sat a cup of hot chocolate in front of her.

"A law is a set of rules that we have to follow," he explained. "Why did Colleen keep biting you?"

"Cause she wanted my dolls you gived me…she even chewed on one!"

"That little brat," Patrick remarked. "That's your present, you don't have to share it with Colleen; I gave it to you!"

"Mommy don't care; she said she'd tell you to take it back."

"The hell I will!"

"Patrick, language," Alma chastened.

"Oh…right," he said, trying to settle his temper as he pulled his granddaughter onto his lap and hugged her. "Guess you've had a rough day, lass."

"Uh huh; Mommy and Daddy are yelling…Frankie says it's my fault. He said I got to go live in a place for bad girls."

"No, you're not," Patrick soothed as he gave her another squeeze. "I wouldn't let anyone take you away."

"Can we send Frankie away?" Johanna asked.

"I'll look into it," he told her before putting her back on her chair. "Drink your hot chocolate and tell me more about what happened today."

* * *

The smell of dinner burning in the oven was enough to halt Naomi and Frank's argument, sending them both out of the office and into the kitchen. Naomi groaned as she opened the oven and found the roast burnt to a crisp and the water in the pot of potatoes boiled away. "So much for dinner," she muttered.

Frank rubbed his jaw, the day feeling like a disaster. "I'll just go pick something up for us to eat I guess."

"No; I'll just make something else," his wife retorted.

"Come on, Naomi; it's getting late. I'll just run out and get some burgers and fries."

"You know Johanna doesn't care much for burgers."

"She doesn't shun them," he replied. "She doesn't like them as much as Frankie does but she will eat one…go ask her, if she wants something else, I'll get her something else since it's her birthday."

"Alright," Naomi remarked as she cracked open the kitchen window to let the smoke and odor of burnt food out before leaving the kitchen and heading for the stairs.

"Johanna," she called as she reached the top of the steps. Her daughter didn't answer, but she wasn't surprised; she was probably giving her the silent treatment. "Johanna," she said again as she went into the girls room. Johanna wasn't curled up on her bed as she had expected her to be.

"Johanna!" she yelled, hurrying back into the hallway to the door of the bathroom that the children shared. Her child wasn't in there, nor was she in her brother's room. She returned to the girls room, looking under the bed and under the crib, finding no sign of her. The closet door was open but Johanna wasn't hiding inside there either.

"Johanna!"

Silence met Naomi's ears and her heart tumbled in her chest as she hurried out of the room. "Frank!"

"What?" he asked as he met her at the bottom of the steps.

"Johanna's not up there!" she exclaimed. "I checked everywhere up there."

"She probably snuck back down here and she's hiding," he remarked. "Go check under the kitchen table, you know she hides there when she's in trouble; I'll check our room."

Naomi hurried into the kitchen and pulled up the tablecloth, looking under for her middle child who did have a habit of making that her hiding place. She wasn't there this time, though…nor was she in any other corner of the kitchen. She hurried to the basement door but found that it was still locked, ruling it out as a place Johanna might have gone.

"Johanna!" she called out. "Quit hiding now!"

"She's not in the bedroom or our bathroom," Frank stated.

"Did you check under the bed and in the closet?"

"Yes," he said tartly; "I know how to look for a little girl."

"Johanna!" she called out again as they moved into the living room.

"Frankie," Frank said; "Have you seen Johanna?"

"Yeah," he said, his gaze on the cartoon on TV.

"Where is she!"

"Sissy go byes!" Colleen exclaimed from the playpen.

Naomi looked at Frank in horror.

"Frankie," Frank demanded. "Where is your sister!?"

"In the playpen," he told him.

Frank grabbed his son by the arm, pulling him off the couch. "I didn't mean Colleen and you know it! Now where is Johanna!?"

"She went to live with Grandma," he replied.

"And how did she do that? She can't get the door open by herself; it's too heavy for her to pull!"

"I opened it for her," Frankie stated. "I wish she coulda took Colleen with her."

"Frank!" Naomi gasped.

"You put your sister outside!" Frank yelled.

"She wanted to go," his son retorted; "And I'm glad she's gone, now I can hear the TV."

His father cracked his hand against his backside. "I hope you enjoyed it because you won't be watching TV for a week," he said. "Naomi, unplug that goddamn TV, I'm going out to get Johanna; she couldn't have gotten far."

"What if she did," she cried. "What if someone…"

"Don't think it," Frank demanded; "I'll find her…I promise, I'll find her. I'll check all over the yard and then go through the neighborhood; hopefully the farthest she got was Dad's, she might've gotten scared and went there. Just stay here and wait for phone calls," he told her as he hurried to the entry way to grab his coat and keys.

Naomi turned her gaze on her son. "Why would you open the door for your sister!" she yelled. "Do you know what could happen to a little girl!?"

"I don't care," he said; "I don't want her; she makes everyone mad!"

"And you don't?" she yelled. "I'm furious with you, Franklin Patrick McKenzie Jr.! That basketball game your father was going to take you to; that's not happening! You're grounded! And you better start praying that your father finds your sister…you pray!"

Her son glared at her and she walked away, moving to the window as tears clogged her throat. "God, please," she silently prayed. "Please let Frank find her and bring her home safely. I'll do better…just give me my little girl back."

* * *

Alma had started preparations for Patrick's dinner as she listened to Johanna tell her grandfather about the terrible day she had had. It did sound bad…and the fact that she was ignoring the cookies in front of her, seemed to hint at her distress.

"Now I don't get no cake and no presents," Johanna said once more.

Alma smiled a little, she must have Patrick's sweet tooth, she mused as she opened a cupboard and took out a package of snack cakes. The pink sno-ball cake would make for a quick little birthday cake, she thought as she dug in the drawer for a candle and a match. She stuck the small, skinny candle in the center of the cake and lit it before carrying it to the table. "Here's a birthday cake for you, sweetie," she told her.

"For me?" Johanna asked.

"For you," Alma replied. "We better sing Happy Birthday so she can make a wish, Patrick."

He nodded, although he hated to sing…but it appeared that he had had a hand in her bad day by leaving the dollhouse in the living room instead of carrying it up to her room for her.

"Make a wish and blow out the candle," Alma said after they finished singing.

Johanna closed her eyes and blew out the candle as her grandfather and his housekeeper clapped.

"What did you wish for, lass?" Patrick asked as he pulled the candle from the cake.

"I wish that Mommy don't bring home anymore babies," she answered before taking a bite of her cake.

Patrick laughed. "That's a wish your father would approve of."

Alma drifted to the door, her ears straining as she picked up the sound of a voice somewhere nearby. She slipped out the backdoor quietly, listening once more.

"Johanna!" she heard as the voice grew closer. She hurried down the porch steps and around the house, catching sight of Frank as she did so. "Frank," she called out to him.

"Alma, have you seen Johanna?!" he asked.

"She's in the kitchen," she answered, shivering in the cold. "We were on the porch when we saw her heading down the street. Patrick grabbed her before she made it to the end of the block."

"Thank God," Frank muttered as he followed Alma back around the house. "Is she alright?"

"A little cold and upset but otherwise fine…don't yell at her too much; running away wasn't an idea she thought of on her own…but Patrick will probably want to tell you about that."

They moved into the house and Patrick met his son's gaze. "So you finally realized you were missing one?"

"Why didn't you call?" he asked.

"I wanted to see how long it would take you and Naomi to figure out she was gone," Patrick answered. "It took a little while…but I hear you and your wife were arguing so I'm sure you were preoccupied."

"You could say that," Frank said before shifting his gaze to Johanna, watching as fear flicked across her face as she pressed closer to her grandfather. "I ought to paddle your ass for you, Johanna. Do you know how worried your mother is? What were you thinking running away like that?"

Patrick gave his granddaughter a consoling pat. "It's alright, lass; tell Daddy what you told me…who told you to run away?"

"Frankie told me to run away," she said softly.

Frank stared at her for a moment. "Why would your brother do that?"

"Frankie said you and Mommy don't want me no more; that's why you got Colleen so you'd have a new girl baby. He said my party tomorrow isn't my birthday party, he said it's my goodbye party because you're getting rid of me and I gotta go live at a place for bad girls. I said I would go live with Grandma and he said I should run away before the party so they don't take me away to the bad girl place."

Frank closed his eyes. "And you believed him?"

"Uh huh…cause no one likes me, Frankie said so; and Mommy likes Colleen better and you said you don't want no kids…so I'll go live with Grandma cause I don't want to go to the bad girl place. Frankie says they don't have toys or ice cream."

"That Frankie," Patrick said with a shake of his head. "I love that boy but sometimes he's a little asshole."

"Patrick, language!" Alma scolded.

"I can't help it, Alma; it just comes out!" he exclaimed. "Anyway; Frank; now you know she didn't think this stunt up on her own…Frankie put it in her head and she's just certain that you all don't want her."

"That's not true," Frank said as he moved closer to his daughter. "We're not sending you away anywhere; you're staying home with us where you belong. You're a smart girl; you should know not to believe everything your brother says; he's a little liar."

"But you said you don't want kids…I'm a kid, Daddy."

Frank sighed as he stooped down by her chair. "Listen, Josie; you misunderstood; I told Mommy that I don't want her to bring home anymore babies because we have enough kids. I didn't mean that I don't want you and Frankie…and Colleen…I just don't want any new babies."

"Me neither," Johanna said.

"That's what she wished when she blew out the candle on her little cake," Patrick said with a laugh. "She wished that Mommy wouldn't bring home anymore babies."

Frank smiled. "You wished that?"

"Uh huh."

Her father laughed and kissed her forehead. "That's Daddy's girl."

"Daddy," Johanna said as she squirmed in her chair.

"What?"

"Am I gonna get my butt smacked again?"

Frank blew out a breath and shook his head. "No; not this time…but don't you ever run away again, do you understand?"

"Yes…I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I forgive you this time," he told her; "But if you do it again, you won't be so lucky."

"Am I gonna have my birthday party tomorrow?"

"Yes; because like I told you earlier; I already paid for it so I don't care what Mommy said. Most of the trouble you've been in today is Mommy's fault because she wouldn't make Colleen play in the playpen so you could play on your own…so I'm giving you a pass today because I don't feel like it was your fault."

"Okay, Daddy."

"See," Patrick told her as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I told you it would be okay."

Frank got to his feet and lifted Johanna into his arms and then picked up her bear from the side of the table and handed it to her. "We better get home; I have to get the car and go get us some burgers and fries to eat because Mommy burned dinner."

"I want to go with you, Daddy," Johanna said.

"I don't know if Mommy is going to let you out of her sight once she sees you."

"Please."

"Alright," he sighed; figuring that she was seeing him as her only ally for the day. "Are you going to eat a burger?"

"No cheese on it," Johanna replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Okay; what do you want on it?"

"Pickles!"

"What about a tomato?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I don't like 'matoes."

"Lettuce?"

"Yes; and ketchup."

Patrick laughed. "She doesn't like tomatoes but she likes ketchup."

"Yeah," Frank said as he adjusted his hold on her. "It's an oddity…but it's easily dealt with at least."

"True; Alma; will it be awhile before dinner?"

"Yes," she answered.

"Alright; Frank, I'll take you and Johanna to get your food and then home; I want to have a word with Naomi and then you and I are going to move that dollhouse to Johanna's bedroom so she can play with it in peace since I'm sure Naomi doesn't allow Colleen to play upstairs yet."

"That's a good idea, Dad. Alma; will you call Naomi and tell her that I have Johanna and that Dad is taking us to get the food and we'll be home directly?"

"Yes, I'll call her," she replied as she moved closer to kiss Johanna's cheek. "Happy birthday, baby doll."

"Thank you, Miss Alma," she smiled.

Alma watched them go, a small sense of sadness filling her. "I wish you were here, Sarah," she murmured; "You've got beautiful grandchildren…I wish you could be here to enjoy them…to comfort little girls whose days have gone wrong. Make birthdays a little happier. But I'm sure you're watching over them…maybe that's why Patrick suddenly needed that breath of air this afternoon."

* * *

"When are we going to eat; I'm hungry!" Frankie complained as he kicked his feet against the couch.

"We'll eat when your father gets home," Naomi snapped; "But I ought to send you to bed without supper for what you did to your sister!"

"Daddy found her," he retorted.

"That's not the point, Franklin!" she yelled. "If you ever do something like that again, I'm going to take the belt to you myself!"

"No, you won't," he stated.

"You want to try me?" she said, her tone low and even.

He glanced away. "No."

"That's what I thought."

"Mama, out!" Colleen yelled from the playpen.

"No!" Naomi told her. "You've caused enough trouble too!"

The sound of the door opening stopped her from saying more and she turned away from the sofa in time to see Patrick carrying Johanna into the room as Frank followed with the bags of food. "There's my baby," she cried, hurrying towards her daughter and taking her from her grandfather's arms. "Oh thank God, you're safe," she said, squeezing Johanna tightly. "Don't you ever do that again!"

"Frankie told me to," Johanna replied.

"You don't ever do something like that no matter who tells you to!"

"She's already had a talking to, Naomi," Frank stated as he took the food to the kitchen. "She knows she was wrong and she knows her brother is a little liar who is grounded for a week, no TV."

"And no basketball game!" Naomi added.

"Right," Frank said with a nod. "Grandpa and I are going to that game without you."

"That's not fair!" Frankie cried.

"Well maybe you'll remember that the next time you open the door and put your sister outside alone!" Frank yelled.

Patrick moved toward his grandson, leaning down to be close to his eye level. "You listen to me, boy; you ever do something like that your sister again and you know those boats my company has to ship things overseas?"

"Yeah."

"You'll find yourself on one of those boats on your way to a Norwegian school for wayward boys where you'll work from sunup to sundown and be given whale blubber to eat while wearing a sailor suit."

Frankie's eyes grew wide. "No."

"Oh yes," Patrick stated. "I already called; they'll keep a place waiting for you…so you better mind yourself, young man…because I have ships heading that way all the time."

Frankie sank back against the couch, his face slightly pale at the thought as his father and grandfather shared a knowing smile. "Now, Naomi," Patrick said as he turned to her. "I have a bone to pick with you."

"What?" she asked as she held Johanna tightly.

"I bought that dollhouse for Johanna," he said firmly; "Not Colleen. It's Johanna's birthday, it's her gift and she doesn't have to share it. I had that dollhouse and that box of dolls imported from London…and even with my client's generous discount, it still cost me a small fortune…and I don't appreciate you forcing Johanna to share it with that little piranha you call a child who has been chewing on the dolls!"

"I want the children to share," Naomi stated.

"They shouldn't have to share everything! They should be allowed to have something to themselves! Now; do you allow Colleen to play upstairs unsupervised?"

"Of course not; she could fall down the stairs."

Patrick smiled. "Good; then Frank and I are moving the dollhouse up to Johanna's room so that she can play with it in peace whenever she wants to. Now, if Johanna chooses to share it one day when her sister is old enough to have respect for things, that's her choice and she's free to do so…but for now, I said it's hers and hers alone. I paid for it and I'm going to move it and that's going to be the end of that. Colleen is your child; you entertain her; it's not her sister's job all the time; she's still a baby herself!"

"Fine," she said grudgingly; figuring it wasn't worth further argument over…perhaps life would be more peaceful if the dollhouse was upstairs. Johanna could play alone in her room and Frankie usually played alone in his when he wanted to play with his army men…and Colleen would have to learn to entertain herself in the playpen with her own toys.

"Good," he said as he took Johanna from her arms. "Go get your box of dolls, lass; Daddy and I will carry your dollhouse upstairs."

"Okay, Grandpa," she said happily.

"Can we eat now?" Frankie asked.

"Food is in the kitchen, Naomi," Frank remarked as he and Patrick moved across the room to pick up the large dollhouse to take upstairs.

She nodded, her head throbbing from anger, worry, and hunger. This wasn't the birthday she had in mind for her middle child…and she knew that for once, she couldn't blame it on Frank. This one was on her and her bad mood…and she hoped nothing like this would ever happen again.

* * *

Later that night, Frank wandered upstairs in search of Naomi. He found her in the girls room, perched on the edge of Johanna's bed, her fingers softly threading through her dark curls. "What are you doing?" he asked softly, not wanting to wake either child.

"Just thinking," she murmured.

"About what?" Frank asked.

"About today…I guess you probably noticed that she stuck close to you all evening."

He scoffed a little in amusement. "What, are you jealous?"

"No…I'd like her for her to be confident enough in your affection to always feel free to stay close to you."

"Naomi," he breathed; "Let's not go into all that again…not tonight."

She gave a soft nod. "I was so afraid…thinking the worst while you were out looking for her."

"I know…but she's alright; Dad saw her and got her…I don't think she'll pull a stunt like that again…and if Frankie ever tells her that kind of nonsense again, I'm letting Dad drive him down to the ships just to scare the hell out of him."

Naomi gave a soft laugh. "I thought about asking him to do it this weekend."

"No; we'll hang on to that card," Frank stated.

She breathed deeply. "She's still mad at me."

Frank nodded. "I think she's justified today, Naomi. You can't expect her to always want to play with Colleen…just like Frankie doesn't always want to play with Johanna. It just doesn't work that way. I'm sure you didn't spend every moment of your childhood playing nice with your siblings, now did you?"

"No…but I just want them to be close…especially the girls."

"If they're meant to be close, they will be. Johanna doesn't ignore Colleen; she plays with her, she tried to help you with her when she was an infant…she loves her…but she also wants to have something to herself and she deserves that, don't you think?"

"Yes…it was her gift, her day…and I spoiled it."

"We're not good with birthdays going off without a hitch…for any of them…but we'll get the hang of it one day. As for Josie; she'll be fine come morning. She just wants her birthday party and presents and cake…and I've assured her that she'll have it all. Afterwards, she can play with her dollhouse and dolls alone and she'll be a happy little girl again. It'll all be forgotten and you'll be forgiven."

"I hope so," Naomi whispered.

"You will be; you're her mommy…she thinks the sun rises and sets according to your whim; she'll be following you around as always."

"You were good with her today," she remarked. "I'd like to see that more often…and no, I'm not trying to start something."

"I do my best, Naomi."

"I know."

"I do love her," he said quietly.

"I know you do," she assured before pressing a soft kiss to Johanna's temple and rising from the bed.

Frank moved across the room and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "She's a feisty little thing," he whispered, a smile on her lips.

"Yes…she's a McKenzie," Naomi remarked.

"She is that," he agreed as he moved back toward the door where Naomi had drifted.

"The doctor called while you were out," she stated.

Frank's blood ran cold. "And?"

"The test was negative…I'm not pregnant."

"Thank God," he breathed as he pulled her into his arms for a quick hug.

"Would it really have been so terrible?" Naomi asked.

Frank released her. "Naomi; we have three…we've got all we can handle…we almost let one get away today…think about it; Frankie will be seven in few months; Johanna's four today, Colleen will be two in April…do we really need another baby?"

"Babies are always nice."

"Yes; they're nice and cute…but we have three babies…and we don't have room for more, especially if it would be another girl and I'm not buying another house. Be thankful for the three we have instead of asking for more," he stated. "Do you know how much it's going to cost to put them through college?"

She breathed deeply. "I know…what do you think they'll be when they grow up?"

"Well, I want Frankie to go into the business with me…that is if he isn't on one of Dad's ships by them. Johanna…she's already a smart little girl; she can be anything she wants; she gave you a good run for your money in the argument department so maybe she'll be a lawyer…Colleen…it's hard to tell at this point; she seems to like using her teeth so maybe she'll work in a dentist office."

Naomi laughed softly. "Maybe so."

"We have plenty to look forward to with the three kids we have, Naomi; let's just go with three."

She nodded. "Okay…but let's try to make the next round of birthdays a little smoother."

"Deal," Frank said; "And tomorrow, after the party; I'm adding a lock to the front door and the back door…one none of the children can reach."

"That's an idea I fully support," Naomi replied as they left the room. She didn't want anymore runaway attempts…and she prayed that the party would go smoothly…and that Johanna would forgive her for her the way today had gone.

_A/N: Debating which age to hit next…_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews._

Chapter 4- No Going Back – February 4, 1963

Naomi McKenzie slowly finished her clean up of the kitchen under the hopeful looking gaze of her daughter. She sighed; doing her best to avoid that pair of green eyes that was pinned upon her. She had been hoping that with dinner and her small birthday party, Johanna would forget what she had promised her for the last six months…after all, she hadn't mentioned it in a few weeks so she had been hopeful.

But she had a feeling that her hopes were going to be dashed. She closed her eyes, her eldest daughter was twelve today…God, how had it been twelve years already? She was growing up so quickly…and she was in a hurry to get there too, she couldn't help but think; but then again, so was Frankie. Another sigh slipped past her lips; Frankie's voice had been changing over the past year and Frank had taught him how to shave just a few months ago.

Naomi stole a quick glance at her daughter, she was still waiting at the table; her chores dismissed for the evening in the name of her birthday. She waited quietly and it was somewhat unnerving even if she did know what this was about. Her heart ached a little; her baby was in such a hurry…it was bad enough that she had bought her a selection of bras over the last year…that she was growing taller, filling out a little in her hips…and now; now she was desperate to shave her legs.

"Why?" Naomi silently asked; the voice in her head anguished. Why couldn't her little girl just slow down? Why did she need to take a razor to her legs, placing yet another checkmark on the list for the impending teenage years? Once she shaved, the only thing that would be left would be having the period and that couldn't be far off, she mused…her girl was already having mood swings and was sometimes emotional…much to her father's chagrin.

But then again, a lot of things were to Frank's chagrin lately when it came to their daughter. He was beside himself when she bought her her own perfume and deodorant from Avon. He almost blew a vessel when she came home from a sleepover with her fingernails and toe nails painted pink.

He'd probably have a stroke if she shaved her legs.

He'd probably die the day she had to hand her a pad and tell her to mark her days on the calendar in her room.

Of course, she felt like she might not be too far behind him every time Frankie talked about the glorious day when he'd be able to drive.

Naomi took a shuddering breath; she couldn't take this. She wasn't ready. Frank wasn't ready…but her kids were ready; at least two of them. Colleen would be ten in May and was lacking in the area of maturity.

"Mom," Johanna said from the table.

"Yes, dear?"

"Are you done cleaning up?"

God, she wished she wasn't. "Yes, I'm finished," Naomi admitted as she laid the dishcloth on the sink; the counters scrubbed to within an inch of their life.

"Is it time now?" Johanna asked, a smile on her lips, excitement shining in her eyes.

"Time for what?"

The smile faded, her dark brow rising. "You promised, Mama," Johanna said seriously. "You promised if I waited until I was twelve, I could do it on my birthday. You promised…don't you remember?"

Her mother frowned and Johanna's heart fell; surely she wasn't going to do this to her, was she? She promised she could shave her legs…she didn't want to be the last girl in her class to do it….worse yet, the last girl in her group of friends. So far Becca and Janet hadn't done it yet but she didn't want to keep putting it off and besides, she had already told Becca that she was going to do it. She didn't want her friend laughing in her face the next day if she showed up at school with the same unshaved legs she had now. It had to be tonight…she was tired of waiting; she was twelve years old; it was her legs, she could shave them if she wanted to.

"I'm shaving my legs," she stated, her tone serious as she held her mother's stare.

"Johanna," Naomi breathed; "Why don't you wait a little longer; you could…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "You said twelve; I'm twelve now!"

"You just turned twelve today; there's no need to rush."

"You said I could do it on my birthday!" her daughter retorted; "And I'm doing it!"

"Bambina…"

"No," her daughter stated. "You promised, Mom!"

"Johanna; you do realize that once you start shaving, you can't stop. You have to do it all the time," Naomi stated; hoping the idea of life long commitment would scare her off.

"I know, I'm ready," Johanna said anxiously.

Naomi was glad she was ready, because she sure wasn't. "Honey, are you really sure you want to do this? There's really no harm in waiting a little longer; your legs aren't in danger of getting you an unkind nickname yet."

Her daughter huffed as she got up from the chair. "You just want me to stay a baby! Well I'm not a baby! I want to shave my legs; I want to do it now; I waited and you promised! I'm just going to go do it; I don't need you to show me."

"Johanna, wait," Naomi said, resigning herself to the idea as her child reached the threshold of the kitchen.

Johanna turned to face her, that stubborn look she had inherited from her father on her face. "Why?"

"Because…I promised; so we'll go do it."

Johanna smiled brightly, hurrying toward her, her arms slipping around her waist in a hug. "Thank you, Mama," she murmured happily.

Naomi ran her hand over her daughter's hair, holding her tightly for a moment, trying to will back the moisture that stung her eyes. She pressed a kiss to her head. "I know you already took your shower earlier because of the party; so go put on your nightgown and then go wash your legs again."

"Okay," she said excitedly.

"I'll change and get you a razor and be up in a few minutes," Naomi told her.

Johanna eyed her warily. "You promise?"

"I promise, Bambina."

Johanna hurried from the kitchen and up the stairs, running into her bedroom and to the dresser to find one of her short nightgowns.

"What are you doing?" Colleen asked as she changed into her pajamas.

"Nothing."

"Uh huh," her sister accused as she hurried back to the door. "Where are you going?"

"To change."

"Can we read after you change?"

Johanna paused as she hurried back to the door. "Maybe…but I might be a little while. You can go ahead and read without me."

"What do you mean you're going to be awhile?" Colleen asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'll tell you later," Johanna said as she hurried away, rushing into the bathroom and closing the door.

She stripped off the blue dress she had worn for her party and tossed it on top of the clothes hamper before dropping her pink nightgown over her head. She moved to the bathtub and filled it with a little bit of water before grabbing her wash cloth and soap. She perched on the edge of the tub and scrubbed her legs, rinsing off the soap and leaving her skin damp. Her foot tapped against the floor anxiously, waiting for her mother to come upstairs…and if it got to be too long of a wait; she'd just take Frankie's razor out of the medicine cabinet and do it herself.

A few minutes passed, her legs starting to dry, so she splashed more water on them and silently fumed. What was taking her mother so long? Why was she making such a big deal about this when she promised she'd let her do this? Didn't she understand how important this was to her…she had gym class tomorrow; she wanted to have smooth legs when she put on that dorky uniform.

The bathroom door opened and anticipation leaped in her veins. "What are you doing in here?" Colleen asked.

"Oh my God; don't you knock!" Johanna exclaimed. "You're not supposed to walk in when someone's in the bathroom!"

"You're not doing anything," her sister retorted.

"It doesn't matter, Bug! Go away."

"No; I don't have to," Colleen said. "Why are you sitting in here?"

"It's none of your business, get out."

"No; not until you tell me what you're doing."

"I'm not telling you anything; and next time I'm in a room by myself; you knock before coming in!"

"I only have to do that for Frankie!" Colleen stated.

"No, you don't! It's for everyone."

"Girls," Naomi said as she stepped into the bathroom; "What's going on?"

"Johanna won't tell me what she's doing in here," Colleen said, her hand on her hip.

"I had the door closed and she came in without knocking!" Johanna exclaimed.

"Colleen!" Naomi exclaimed. "You know better than that!"

"I only have to knock for Frankie!"

"No; you knock for everyone in the house. Does your sister walk in on you in the bathroom?"

"No," she muttered.

"Then you don't do it to her," Naomi said as she perched on the other end of the tub, sitting a can on Frank's shave cream down and handing Johanna one of the pink razors in her hand.

"I just want to know what she's doing," Colleen whined.

"I'm shaving my legs," Johanna stated as she took the cap off the razor.

"Can I shave my legs?!" Colleen asked.

"No!" Naomi exclaimed.

"Why not?" her youngest child pouted. "Johanna's doing it."

"Johanna's older than you, dear; you're still too young."

"I am not!"

"You are too; you can shave when you're twelve, not a moment sooner."

"That's not fair."

"Shut up, Colleen," Johanna stated; "This isn't about you."

"Johanna," Naomi warned.

"Well it's not!"

"I know; but she's just a little girl, you have to understand."

"I'm not a little girl!" Colleen whined. "It's not fair; I don't get to wear a bra. I don't get to shave. I don't get Avon perfume. I don't get to do anything!"

"You will, sweetheart; Johanna's older than you…you'll have your time, I promise. Why don't you go read for a little while?"

"Can't I watch?"

"No," Johanna said; "Go back to our room."

"I wanna watch!"

"Johanna; let your sister watch," Naomi stated.

"No! I don't want her in here."

"It won't hurt to let her stay."

"No! I want it to be just me and you."

"Johanna," her mother sighed.

"Just forget it!" her daughter yelled. "Why do I always have to do everything with her?! Can I ever do anything without her? I have to go to dance class with her. She had to take ice skating with me. I have to walk with her to school, home from school; I have to share everything with her. The only time I get away from her is when I'm in the bathroom and she's done barged in here now!"

Naomi closed her eyes, trying to ignore the tears of frustration laying in Johanna's gaze and the petulant look on her younger daughter's face. Johanna was right…Colleen was everywhere she went, in everything she did…but this was Johanna's day; it was her rite of passage and she had the right to say that she didn't want her sister as an audience.

"Colleen; your sister is getting older…and like with your brother, there are times when you have to respect her need for privacy and space. Johanna loves you very much, but she doesn't want you in here while I teach her how to do this and you need to respect that."

"Why!?"

"Because it's the right thing to do…just like we respect you when you need privacy."

Colleen glared at them, angry tears in her eyes. "I'm telling Daddy!"

"You go ahead if that will make you feel better," Naomi told her as she picked up the can of shaving cream. "Please close the door behind you."

Colleen stormed from the room, slamming the door shut behind her. Naomi sighed a little and glanced at her daughter. "Johanna, you're going to have to understand that it's going to be hard for Colleen to see you doing grown up things that she's not old enough to do yet. She's used to doing everything with you."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "Yeah; I know…because I always _have_ to do everything with her."

"You love your sister."

"I never said I didn't," Johanna replied. "Just sometimes I get tired of having to be with her all the time. Did you want to be around Aunt Rita all the time?"

"No," Naomi admitted; "And I do understand that you feel the way you do but you have to understand how your sister feels too."

"I do…can we do this now?"

Naomi shifted on the edge of the tub, putting her back against the wall as she propped her leg up in front of her; adjusting her short robe so that it wouldn't be in her way. She sprayed some of the white foamy shave cream into her hand. "I like to use your Daddy's shave cream for this because it helps the razor glide smoothly," she explained as she spread it over her leg. She rinsed her hand off in the water in the tub and then handed the can to her daughter. "Do it the way I did it," she told her. "Be careful not to use too much; you just want to coat the leg, not bury it."

"Okay," Johanna replied, spraying some of the foam into her hand and then slathering it onto her leg that she propped up on the edge of the tub like her mother had.

"You don't need to go that far up!" Naomi exclaimed, seeing her daughter take the shaving cream above the knee.

"But there's hair there," Johanna remarked.

"I know, dear; but it's very fine and a girl your age doesn't need to shave above the knee yet."

"Do you shave above the knee?" her daughter asked.

"Yes."

"Then why can't I?"

"Because you're only twelve and it's not necessary…and you're going to do what I tell you or we don't do this at all tonight."

"Okay," Johanna relented; figuring she'd just shave above the knee next time when her mother wouldn't be in the room.

The can of shave cream was placed in the small amount of space between their feet on the edge of the tub and Johanna looked at her mother expectantly.

Naomi sighed, looking at her daughter in her pale pink nightgown; her long dark hair still pulled back like it had been for her party…shaving cream slathered on her leg, new pink razor in her hand. "Are you sure you're ready?" she asked once more.

"Yes, Mom!" her daughter declared in exasperation.

"Alright, darling," Naomi replied as she uncapped her own razor. "The blade is sharp; if you're not careful, you'll cut yourself…and believe me, if you don't tonight, you will at some point in life. It happens to everyone."

"Will it hurt a lot?"

"Not as much as childbirth," she muttered, while silently adding, 'and not as much as being forced to acknowledge that your daughter is rushing her way into being a teenager'."

"Mom."

Naomi smiled seeing Johanna's unamused look. "It'll sting…it'll bleed a little. Just be careful; you don't want your legs full of nicks."

"I'll be careful," Johanna promised.

"Alright; you're going to start at your ankle," her mother said, placing her razor against the base of her ankle; "And you're going to go up to your knee in smooth, even strokes," she instructed as she glided her razor up her leg.

Johanna watched and then positioned her razor at the base of her ankle.

"Once you take that first swipe, Bambina; there's no going back…remember, once you start, you can't stop."

Johanna glanced at her mother, wondering why she kept trying to talk her out of it but she said nothing, merely glanced back down at her leg as she moved the razor upwards.

Naomi swallowed hard, seeing that first smooth patch of leg amid the shave cream. She had done it…her daughter had taken that first swipe despite the warning…there was no going back. Adjusting to buying her bras had been bad enough…this was just one more example that her baby wasn't a little girl anymore.

"Did I do it right?" Johanna asked; taking her mother's silence as a sign that she had done it wrong.

"Yes, sweetheart; you did just fine," she answered; "Now rinse the razor in the water," she stated, demonstrating with her own, "that gets the shaving cream and the hair off the razor and then we take the second swipe."

Johanna smiled and cleaned off her razor before positioning it on her skin once more; gliding it upwards in unison with her mother.

The door of the bathroom opened, Frank coming into the room, Colleen on his heels, glee written across her face.

"What the hell are you doing!" Frank bellowed.

"Ow!" Johanna said, his presence startling her, making her nick her leg.

"Frank!" Naomi yelled; "What are you doing barging in here? Now you made her cut herself. Are you alright, darling?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Johanna said, her fingertip dabbing at the small cut.

"What are you doing to her?!" Frank yelled again, a touch of anguish in his voice, his gaze pinned to his daughter's leg.

"I'm not doing anything to her," Naomi answered. "I'm teaching her how to shave her legs…like I promised I would."

"She's just a little girl!"

"No, I'm not!" Johanna exclaimed. "I'm twelve; I'm almost a teenager!"

"I didn't ask you!" her father retorted; his gaze shifting back to his wife. "How could you do this!?"

"Frank," she said with a laugh; "You know girls shave their legs at a certain age."

"She's too young."

"No…she's not; she said she was ready."

"Well she's not," Frankie said, his tone low and even as his gaze shifted to Johanna. "You wash that stuff off your leg and get to bed, little girl!"

"I'm not a little girl and I'm not stopping!" Johanna said defiantly, taking another swipe up her leg with the razor.

"Stop that!"

"Frank, calm down," Naomi told him. "She's twelve…she's ready…and once you start you can't just quit. She has to finish that leg and do the other one."

"I can't believe you're doing this," he exclaimed.

"It'll be alright, honey," she told him. "Go back downstairs and watch TV; I'll be down later and I'll console you…and as for you, Colleen; we're going to have a talk before you go to bed."

"You said I could tell daddy if it would make me feel better," Colleen remarked.

"Yes, I know…do you feel better?"

"Uh huh…because now Johanna's in trouble and that's what she gets for not letting me watch."

"Oh my God, you're such a baby!" Johanna said, shooting a glare at her sister. "I would've told you all about it in our room but you just have to be a tattle tale."

"See, Colleen," Naomi stated; "Your sister would've shared her new experience with you if you had just waited; but you couldn't just go to your room and wait…you had to try and get her in trouble; and she isn't in trouble for growing up so you didn't accomplish anything accept upsetting your father. Do you still feel better?"

"Yes," Colleen stated.

Naomi eyed her youngest child. "Go to your room, Colleen; now."

"I don't get to do anything!" Colleen yelled as she stormed away.

"What's going on?!" Frankie asked as he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. "Oh my God, mouthy; you're shaving your legs?! Why are you doing that? Did someone call you hairy Mary or something?"

Johanna closed her eyes. "No! I just wanted to do it. Does everyone have to be in here?!"

"Frankie," Naomi stated; "Johanna respects your privacy, please respect hers and go back to your room."

"Okay," he laughed; "I just hope she doesn't cut her leg off."

"I won't!" Johanna exclaimed; "Unless Dad keeps yelling at me."

"Your father isn't going to yell anymore," Naomi stated as she got up from the edge of the tub. "Both of you, out!"

"But she's just a little girl," Frank complained.

"Go watch TV, dear; I'll be down in a little while," she told him as she pushed him out the door.

Her husband was still sputtering in the hallway as she closed the door and locked it. "There, Bambina; there won't be anymore interruptions."

"I'm glad," Johanna sighed as she rinsed the razor and took another swipe.

"Be careful going over your ankle bone; you'll want to apply a little less pressure around the ankle bone and when you go over your knees," Naomi instructed as she retook her seat.

"Why is Dad making such a big deal about this?" Johanna asked as she followed her mother's instructions, glancing at her as she demonstrated with her own razor.

"Because you're his first girl…and it's hard for him to think of you growing up."

"Why?" she laughed.

"Because you're his baby girl."

Johanna shook her head. "He doesn't even like me."

Naomi's heart ached. "That's not true; your father loves you very much…and seeing you go through these milestones is hard for him…it's hard for me too."

"I don't know why."

"Because you're my baby," Naomi murmured; "You'll understand one day when you have a baby."

Johanna laughed a little. "How old do I have to be for that?"

"Married," Naomi said firmly, rinsing her razor with more vigor than necessary. "You have to be married."

"That's not an age."

"Trust me; it is. You're going to finish school and go to college…and then you'll meet a nice man who has a good job and you'll get married. Then you can have a baby…in that exact order."

"Okay," she said; silence lingering with the exception of Naomi explaining how to do the back of her leg and her knee.

"Mama," Johanna said after rinsing off her finished leg.

"What?" she asked, watching as her daughter began to put shaving cream on her left leg.

"How did you meet Dad?"

Naomi smiled. "I met him at his office actually."

"Really?"

"Yes…his company was only a year old then and he had an advertisement in the newspaper that he needed a new secretary. I was trained to be a secretary so I went and applied at his office."

"But you teach piano," Johanna stated.

"I know…but the war was in its last throws and people weren't taking lessons like they used to. I learned to be a secretary as well as a piano teacher when I was in college."

"Did Dad give you the job?"

"No," she laughed.

"Why not?"

"I didn't type fast enough to suit him," she replied; "But he liked me…he asked me to have dinner with him and I did."

"And then what?"

"And then we dated for two years…and then he finally asked me to marry him and I said yes. We got married and we lived in a little tiny apartment until I found out that I was having your brother. Then we bought this house and Frankie was born…and then, awhile later, we prayed for a baby girl and God gave us you…and then one day there was Colleen."

Johanna smiled. "How did you know that you wanted to marry Dad?"

"I wanted to marry him because I loved him."

"But how did you know you loved him enough to marry him?"

Naomi smiled a little as she met her daughter's eye. "It's not something that can really be explained, darling; when it happens, you just know…love makes you feel wonderful; and when it's the right man, you can't ever picture yourself being anywhere but where he is."

"Will I feel that way one day?" Johanna asked.

"You will," her mother said confidently. "You'll find your special someone one day and you'll know he's the one you're meant to be with."

Johanna smiled. "I wonder where he is now?"

"Oh, I imagine he's probably doing his homework so he can be a smart boy who gets into a good college so he'll have a good job and be able to take care of his wife."

"I hope he's cute," she mused aloud.

"Oh, I'm sure he will be."

"Do you think he'll think I'm pretty?" Johanna asked softly.

"Of course he will," Naomi said, rinsing off her razor. "You are pretty…and that nice young man you'll find one day; in his eyes, you'll be the most beautiful girl in the world."

"I wonder when I'll meet him."

"When the time is right…you have to meet a few wrong ones first; and then you'll find him. Trust me, sweetheart; one day your prince will come."

Johanna smiled. "I hope so."

"He will; I'm sure of it."

Small talk fell between them as they finished shaving their legs, and Naomi felt the band around her heart loosen a bit as she talked with her daughter. She wasn't losing her…she was growing into young lady; one with dreams and ideas…curiosity and shy questions. She was changing; not just physically with the addition of bras to her wardrobe, the growth spurt, the hips and shapely legs that were now shaved. She was growing in every other way too…and it didn't have to mean the end of their closeness. Their bond could grow and change too. It wasn't the end…just a new beginning.

Naomi shook off her thoughts as Johanna finished rinsing off her legs. "Sometimes after you shave, your legs can feel dry," she told her; "If they do, put some lotion on them."

"They feel okay," Johanna replied, running her hands over them. "Nice and smooth."

Naomi smiled. "Do you feel better now?"

A bright smile broke across her daughter's lips. "Yeah, I do."

"Good," she said as she rose and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "While we're here, we may as well tackle the other joy of shaving; under the arm."

"Oh good," Johanna said; "I wanted to mention it but I was afraid someone might cry."

Naomi laughed softly. "I'll probably cry a little later…and one day, when you have a daughter; you might cry a little too when you have to do this."

Her daughter looked skeptical but said nothing as they went through their shaving lesson. When it was finished, Naomi opened the medicine cabinet and put Johanna's razor inside on a shelf Colleen wouldn't be able to reach. "Don't let that where your sister can get it," she told her; "Or she'll be in here cutting up her legs just to be like you."

"I'll be careful with it, I promise."

"Alright, sweetheart; and remember…you can't stop now."

"I don't want to; I like it," Johanna replied, a smile on her lips.

Naomi ran her hand over her hair. "I know…I guess it is new and exciting for you right now. Did you have a good birthday, Bambina?"

"Yes; I had fun at the party…and you kept your promise. It was a good birthday."

"Good," Naomi said as she pulled her daughter into a hug.

"Thank you, Mama," Johanna whispered.

"For what?"

"For this," she murmured; "I know you didn't want me to do it."

"It's just hard to let you grow up, baby," Naomi whispered; "But I can't stop you…all I can do is teach you."

"Is Dad still going to yell tomorrow?"

"No; I'll take care of him," she told her. "It's time for you to go to bed; school tomorrow."

Johanna released her and met her eye. "Can I read to Colleen first?"

She smiled. "I think that would be very nice of you; you girls can have thirty minutes of reading time and then I want lights out, okay?"

"Okay, Mama," she replied; she just hoped her sister wouldn't be annoying and say no just because she was mad.

* * *

Naomi walked with Johanna to the girls room and made her way to her youngest child's bed. She settled down on the side and quietly reminded her daughter that her siblings needed privacy, just as she did; and if she continued to breach it, there would be consequences. Colleen grudgingly nodded in the spots she was expected to and then accepted her mother's kiss goodnight. Naomi then moved back across the room to Johanna's side, kissing her forehead and wishing her happy birthday once again before leaving the room, hoping the her girls would reconcile.

Silence lingered between the sisters after the door closed, Colleen avoiding her sister's gaze until she finally broke the silence. "Did you shave your stupid legs?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did," Johanna said as she took a Nancy Drew book off the shelf and made her way to her sister's bed.

"It's not fair," her sister grumbled.

"You'll do it too one day."

"Why can't I do it with you?"

"Because you're not twelve yet," Johanna replied. "You'll be twelve in two years."

"But then you'll be fourteen…and we won't even be in the same school anymore."

"I know…but it'll be okay," she told her. "We'll still share a room…I'll still like you."

"It's still not fair…you get bras and perfume and now you shave your legs."

"You're going to have bras too," Johanna stated; "You're going to be ten soon, I didn't have a real bra then either. I had to wait until I was eleven."

Colleen huffed. "It takes too long."

"Be glad," her sister stated; "Dad yells about everything when you get older."

"He yells about everything now."

"That's true," she said as she nudged her sister. "Move over."

"Why?"

"I thought you wanted me to read with you," Johanna said, showing her the book in her hand. "Don't you want to?"

Colleen nodded and moved over so her sister could slip beneath the covers with her. "Did it hurt when you cut yourself?"

"Yeah; but just for a few seconds; it's a really small cut."

"Are you going to shave again?"

Johanna nodded. "I have to; you can't stop once you start."

"Why not?"

"Because then you'll have hairy legs," she answered as she opened the book.

"That wouldn't be good," Colleen remarked.

"Definitely not," Johanna agreed while turning the title page.

Colleen brushed her foot against her sister's bare leg. "It feels nice, sissy."

Johanna smiled. "Yeah; it does, doesn't it? They're soft and smooth."

"Will mine feel like that?"

"Yeah; but right now your legs aren't ready."

"Will you teach me when they are?" her sister asked.

"Mom will want to do that," Johanna replied.

"But what if she says no, I'm too young even though I'll be twelve then."

"Then I'll teach you," she stated; "But only if Mom says no…and she'll try to talk you out of it a bunch of times…so just tell her you'll do it without her and then she'll let you do it…when you're twelve. You have to wait until twelve and tell her that."

"Okay, I'll tell her that when I'm twelve…did you like it?"

"Yeah; I like it…you feel like a grown up lady."

"I wish I could feel like a grown up lady," Colleen said softly.

"You will; you just have to wait your turn," her sister told her. "You ready to read?"

"Yeah…I love you, sissy."

"I love you too," Johanna murmured, allowing her sister to snuggle close to her.

* * *

When Naomi made her way downstairs, she didn't find her husband in front of the TV as expected. She frowned a little, making her way to the bedroom so she could put her razor back in the bathroom. As she stepped into the room, her husband glared at her as he sat on the edge of his side of the bed. "I can't believe you did that," he stated tartly.

"Did what?" she asked, stepping into the master bathroom to put the razor away.

"You shaved her legs," he retorted.

"I didn't shave her legs; Johanna shaved them," Naomi said as she came back into the room and shed her robe.

"You shouldn't have allowed it! She's a little girl."

"She's not a little girl, Frank. She's twelve years old."

"She's been twelve for less than twenty-four hours!"

Naomi sighed; it was going to be a long night. "It doesn't matter, dear; she's still twelve…she's been after me for the last six months to let her shave her legs and I held her off, telling her if she waited, she could when she was twelve. I promised her."

"So what? You could've lied."

"Should we lie to our children?"

"Yes! It's what we're supposed to do," Frank stated; "I'm pretty sure it's page one in the handbook."

"Who told you that?"

"God," he stated firmly.

"Really?" Naomi said with a soft laugh as she sat down at her vanity. "When did God tell you this?"

"It doesn't matter…it's just a well known fact that we promise our kids things to shut them up and then we lie and say we didn't."

"Not about things like this, Frank; she's becoming a young lady."

"Well who told her to do that!" he yelled.

"God did, honey."

"Don't be a smart mouth, Naomi."

She sighed once more as she turned to look at him. "Frank; you do realize that she's wearing a bra now…a teenage one, but a bra none the less. Surely you've noticed that she's not looking much like a little girl anymore."

He looked at her with disdain. "I don't look at her there!"

Naomi laughed. "How can you not see it? She's not flat as a board anymore like Colleen is."

"I don't look at them there!"

She continued to laugh. "Well tomorrow at breakfast, I suggest you glance at Johanna below the neck; you'll see that she's definitely in progress in that area."

Frank closed his eyes, anguish written across his face. "Why?"

"You know why; because it's time," she remarked. "She's wearing a bra…her hips are filling out, her legs are losing that childlike look and becoming more womanly, she's gained a few inches in height. I bought her the bras; I got her perfume and deodorant; just like you bought Frankie cologne and deodorant."

"That's different," Frank stated; "He's a boy, he stinks. Johanna doesn't stink."

"That's because Johanna, as a girl, is more conscientious about bathing every day and using things that smell nice. Frankie; up until this past year was a little lax in showering regularly unless told repeatedly."

"It's still different," he muttered.

"Frank; it was just as hard for me knowing you were teaching Frankie how to shave as it is for you knowing I just taught Johanna how to shave her legs. My little boy is growing up and his father is teaching him what he needs to know to be a man…and your little girl is growing up and I have to teach her how to be a woman. If I hadn't shown her how to do it properly, she would've just done it herself and ended up cutting herself more than once."

"She's not ready to be a woman!" he exclaimed. "She's just a baby."

"She's not a baby…and she's going to be a woman before long whether you like it or not. The physical changes aren't the only thing going on right now, she's moody and emotional, protective of her privacy…she's noticing boys."

"What boys!" he yelled. "What's she doing with boys!?"

"Nothing yet, dear. She's just noticing them."

"How do you know?" he asked sharply.

"Because I have eyes, Frank! I see her looking at them; I see her get shy and blush when a boy speaks to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't have a crush on some boy."

"What boy? Where are these boys?!"

"Everywhere, Frank; school, church, neighborhood. There are boys everywhere. She's noticing them…they're not following her home from school…"

"They better not," he said darkly.

"She's becoming aware of them; she's just browsing, she hasn't tried to pick one up yet."

"She better not; I'll slap her in an all girls boarding school and kill the little bastard," he stated firmly.

She laughed. "Relax, Frank; we've go a few years before she wants to go out for a soda with a boy."

"She's not going," he muttered.

"You can't keep her from being interested in boys; you can't keep her from going out with them one day in the future. You want her to get married one day, don't you?"

"Yes; but I want her to be educated first. She's smart; she's going to go to college and make something of herself."

"I told her she has to finish school before getting married; not that she's thinking of eloping anytime soon. When we were upstairs, she asked me how you and I met."

"Did you stress the fact that when I met you, you were legal and had an education?"

"Yes, dear; she knows I was out of school. She's just curious about how people end up together…about love and how you know its right."

"Christ, Naomi; she shouldn't be talking about such things."

"Don't be ridiculous; all girls her age wonder about love and romance."

"Well don't go making it sound good!"

"Frank," she breathed; "You can't just lie to her, you can't just push a button and keep her a little girl. She's going to have crushes…puppy love…one day she'll date…one day some boy will break her heart."

"Oh God; I can just imagine the little punks she'll drag home," Frank stated. "Did you tell her to marry well? That when the time comes, years from now, she's to find a man who is well off and can take care of her?"

"Yes, darling," she soothed. "It's going to be alright."

"Doesn't feel like it," he muttered. "Bras and shaving legs…what's next? We catch her climbing out of some boy's car in the middle of the night?"

"No…next is having her period."

"Oh God! Don't say the 'P' word!"

She laughed. "She is going to have one, Frank; it's just a matter of time."

"Don't you have an idea of when?" he snapped.

"Probably when she's thirteen; that's how old I was," Naomi replied. "If you think she's moody and emotional now, wait until she has cramps and a pad shoved between her legs; she'll really be unhappy then."

Frank cringed. "Don't tell me these things!"

"I'm just preparing you for the inevitable," his wife stated; "And Colleen won't be far behind her…then you'll have two moody teenage girls and a moody wife."

"Jesus Christ," he murmured.

"There isn't anything he can do to help you, honey."

"Will all of you do it at the same time?"

"You better hope so; that way it'll only be one week of hellish moods. If we all go individually…well…there's four weeks in a month and three of us, you can do the math."

"I'm going to have to move out," Frank stated.

"Oh, no," Naomi laughed; "You're going to stay here and take it."

"I'm not ready for this, Naomi," he said quietly. "She was just a baby….remember we kept her in here in the cradle for a month longer than we should have because she just seemed too small to be upstairs in the crib by herself?"

Naomi moved to his side and sat down. "I remember; her head looked so small in the palm of your hand."

He nodded. "And now she has shaved legs."

"And has boobs."

Her husband cringed once more. "I don't want to think about those."

Naomi laid her head on his shoulder. "It's not any easier for me, Frank. I look at Frankie and see that little boy who used to tug on my apron and demand cookies…and now he's taller than me, goes to high school; shaves and wears cologne, his voice is almost finished changing; he talks about driving…he's had his first serious girlfriend. Johanna's almost finished sixth grade; she's more interested in nail polish and movie magazines than dolls…has shaved her legs, wears a bra; thinks boys are cute. They're growing up and Colleen wants to catch up so badly she can't stand it."

"Why did we have kids?" Frank muttered; it just felt like they were losing them.

She sighed. "We thought it would be fun."

"I'm not having fun anymore," he stated.

"I'm not having too much fun myself lately," Naomi remarked. "We could try for another baby…"

"Get away from me, you're trouble," Frank remarked as he got up from the bed. "No more babies."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Naomi smiled. "We'll just have to keep the ones we have…for however long we have them under our roof."

"Yeah…and next year on Johanna's birthday; I'm staying away from both of you because I don't want to hear or see anymore women's rituals."

She laughed. "I'm sure Johanna will appreciate that; and don't you barge in on her again like you did tonight. She's a young lady now and you need to start knocking. She needs her privacy."

Frank gave a nod as he left the room, heading for the kitchen and his bottle of whiskey in the cupboard. His daughter needed privacy to grow into a woman and he was going to need Jack Daniels to get through it.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 5- Fiery Fifteen – February 4, 1966 – Part 1

Johanna spun the lock on her locker, slightly chanting the combination to herself as always. "27-15-32," she kept murmuring internally as she turned the lock to the desired numbers and then popped open the door. She blew out a breath as she juggled her books; tossing her English textbook and binder inside, more than happy to forget about them until Monday…but she did have that paper to start working on, she recalled, a frown gracing her lips as she moved the binder to the bottom of the locker to be taken home so she could look over the instructions once more. Johanna mentally reviewed what other homework she had, her frown staying place as she added her algebra book to the take home pile. She never seemed to get away from that one. The bell had rang before biology homework could be given, thank God for that, Johanna mused.

She smiled a little as she tossed her biology book into the locker. God she hated biology…just as she had hated Earth Science the year before and was sure to hate whatever science came next year. She didn't know why she had to learn science when she had no desire to be a doctor…there was no way in hell she'd be one of those, or a nurse either for that matter. She also had no desire to be a biologist or any other type of scientist; so why waste her time? She wanted to be a lawyer; why couldn't she take more classes about government and laws? She also didn't need algebra to be a lawyer…she had yet to see Perry Mason working out what Z plus X minus Y equaled for a case so that was just another big waste of her time. Johanna added her history book to the pile to take home; she didn't mind history, in fact she liked it even though a lot of people seemed to complain about it. Learning dates didn't bother her; she could remember them easily for some reason, and besides, she understood the necessity in learning history…you had to learn from the past so you wouldn't make the same mistakes in the future.

History also gave her the foundations of laws and rights and that kept her interested as well. She had her heart set on being a lawyer…despite that damn Guidance Counselor smirking at her and telling her she needed a dose of reality as she tried to interest her in being a secretary or a school teacher. She'd give her a dose of reality, Johanna thought to herself as she put her Spanish book away. She'd show her…her grades were good, she'd work her ass off to get into a top school…and she would get into one, failure wasn't an option. She'd get there…she just had a few years to go and she couldn't wait to go to college…couldn't wait to get away from home. She sighed, thinking twice about leaving her Spanish book behind; she had a test Monday, she really should study…she didn't want a Spanish test taking down her average…especially when algebra was trying hard to do that. She groaned internally and put her Spanish book on the pile.

Studying for the test was going to be difficult without her mother to help her, Johanna thought as she pulled on her coat, a feeling of dread filling her stomach at the thought of going home despite the relief that the school day was over. Her mother had gone into the hospital two days before with appendicitis. They had to wait and bring her fever down before they could operate, which they did the day before and her mother would remain in the hospital for several more days…leaving her and her siblings in the care of their father.

Or more like in the care of her…her father just barked orders that she was to follow as the eldest girl of the house.

"Hey, Jo," her friend Cathy said as she opened her locker. "Happy Birthday."

She smiled; her friend was the only to say those words to her so far today. "Thanks; so far it's been a boring one."

"Yeah, I know the feeling; I almost fell asleep in algebra," Cathy remarked. "What are you doing for your birthday tonight?"

Johanna shrugged. "Probably nothing; my mom is still in the hospital."

"We could go out for pizza…maybe go skating afterwards," her friend replied. "I could invite some of the other girls."

"That would be fun," she said as she hooked her purse over her shoulder; "But I have to ask my Dad first and he won't be home until after five."

"Call me after you ask and let me know; my sister will drive us."

Johanna nodded. "I'll call as soon as I know…I just hope he says yes."

"I hope so too," Cathy replied. "I don't feel like sitting home tonight."

"Me neither," she said as she gathered up her books. "I have to go find Frankie so I have a ride home. I'll call you in a little while."

"Okay," Cathy said; "I'll talk to you later."

Johanna said goodbye and then hurried down the hallway to find her brother but Frankie wasn't at his locker. She frowned; usually he wasn't in a hurry to leave…except for when he was trying to get out of driving her home.

"Looking for your brother?" a voice said from behind her.

She turned, smiling at her brother's friend Joel. "Yeah; did he leave without me?"

"No, he's around the corner talking to Tanya…but you shouldn't bug him."

"Why not?"

"Because he's discussing grown up matters," Joel teased. "It's not for babies."

"I'm not a baby," Johanna retorted.

"You're fourteen," he laughed. "You're a baby."

Her chin jutted upwards. "I'm fifteen today."

"Ooh fifteen today," he laughed. "You've probably never even been kissed."

Her jaw tightened a little, it was the truth but he didn't need to know that. "Are you volunteering?" she asked.

Joel burst into laughter. "God no; but I can't wait to tell Frankie that you asked me to."

Her cheeks warmed; she was an idiot. "I didn't ask you to! You're the one who brought it up!"

"I don't kiss freshman."

"From what I hear, you don't kiss seniors either," she retorted; "They have better taste."

Joel smirked at her as Frankie and Tanya rounded the corner. "McKenzie; come get your baby sister."

"Tell her to get lost; that's what I do," Frankie remarked.

"Yeah, but I have to tell you how she asked me to kiss her," Joel stated.

"I did not!" Johanna exclaimed.

"She did…I think she wants me but I don't date babies."

Frankie looked at Johanna with disgust. "God, do you have to be so embarrassing? Why don't you have a crush on someone your own age? I'm sure some little freshman nerd will kiss you if you beg enough…you're not too ugly."

Her cheeks burned and his words stung. "I didn't ask him to kiss me and I don't have a crush on him. I wouldn't go out with your loser friend if he paid me!"

Tanya laughed. "Oh she wants him bad, doesn't she?"

"I think maybe she does," Frankie agreed.

"I don't!"

"She is such a baby, isn't she," Tanya said; "I can't believe they let her on the cheerleading squad."

Johanna smirked at her. "Aw, are you still mad because you didn't make it…because you couldn't turn a cartwheel to save your life."

Tanya glared at her. "Shut up you little bitch."

She smiled. "I guess the truth hurts, doesn't it? You couldn't land a single move…and yet a freshman did…five freshmen as a matter of fact."

"Frankie, you better shut your sister up," Tanya demanded. "The only reason I haven't punched her is because of you."

Johanna scoffed. "If you throw a punch like you do a cartwheel, I don't have anything to worry about."

"Shut up, Johanna," Frankie stated; "You are a big baby, you've been one all your life. What are you doing by my locker anyway?"

"Waiting to go home," she replied. "You're supposed to drive me and Colleen home."

"I'm not driving you home! I'm not picking up Colleen either. I've got plans with Tanya."

"Dad said you're supposed to drive us!"

"I don't give a damn what Dad said; start walking."

"Come on, Frankie; it's cold out!"

"It's cold out," Joel mimicked.

"Shut up, you goon," she told him.

Joel puckered up his lips and made kissy noises at her, making humiliation spread through her like wildfire.

Frankie laughed. "You'll be fine; you've got a coat."

"What about Colleen?"

"Walk to the junior high and get her," her brother retorted; "Now get lost."

"Frankie; Dad said…"

"I told you, I don't care what Dad said, I do what the hell I want," her brother stated. "I have plans so start walking, mouthy."

Joel and Tanya laughed as she glared at her brother before storming away. She couldn't wait until he left for college and she didn't have to look at his stupid face every day. Now she'd have a long cold walk home…fifteen was off to a great start, she thought sarcastically as she made her way to the school's exit.

* * *

Johanna silently cursed her brother as she made the walk to the junior high school and stood outside, shivering in the cold as she waited for her sister. As usual, Colleen took her sweet time finding the exit, making Johanna's annoyance grow.

"Where's Frankie?" Colleen demanded to know once she reached her sister's side.

"With Tanya," she answered; a slight edge to her tone.

"But he's supposed to drive us home!"

"Well he's not," Johanna snapped.

"How are we going to get home?" Colleen cried.

"The same way we always get home when the demon spawn doesn't drive us; we walk."

"But it's cold!"

"Yeah, I know; it's this thing called winter," Johanna said sarcastically. "Start walking."

Colleen pouted. "You should have made him drive us."

"I can't _make_ him do anything, Colleen; now let's go!"

"I'm going back in school and call Dad."

"No, you're not!"

"Why not!?"

"Because he's at work; he's not going to come and get us and I'll be the one who gets yelled at."

"I'm calling him!"

"Fine," Johanna said; "Go on back in school and call him and when he says no, walk home by yourself because I'm leaving."

"Fine!" Colleen yelled as she stomped up the sidewalk. "We'll walk and I'll get frostbite and die."

"We could've already been started for home if you didn't have to stand here and whine."

Her little sister huffed. "What's for dinner?"

Johanna shot her a look. "I don't know what you're having; I'm hoping Dad will let me go out."

"He's not going to let you go," Colleen retorted. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Out for pizza with Cathy and some of the girls and then maybe skating."

"Can I come?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's for my birthday and I want to be with my friends, not babysitting you."

"You don't babysit me!"

"Um, yeah, I do," Johanna replied; "It's what I've spent the majority of my life doing. I even had to take you to cheerleading practice with me last night because Dad wouldn't let you home alone because he thinks you're too irresponsible. If I get to go out tonight, you're not going."

"Your birthday isn't even until tomorrow," Colleen spat.

"No, it's today; it's the fourth."

"Your birthday is the fifth."

Johanna felt a headache building above her eyes. "Colleen, I think I know when I was born; it's February fourth, it's always been that date just like yours is April fifth and Frankie's is June seventh."

Colleen huffed. "Dad will make you take me with you."

"Then I won't go."

"I hope he tells you no," her sister retorted. "I didn't get you a present either."

"Big surprise," Johanna replied. "How come I always use a little of my allowance to get you a gift for your birthday but you never use some of yours to get me a gift?"

"I'm not spending my allowance on you! That's my money!"

"Remember that come April; because I'm not spending my money on you either."

"I don't care; Mom gets me presents…but I bet you don't get any this year since she hasn't been feeling good and now she's in the hospital."

"Do you think I don't already know that?" Johanna asked. "I know I'm not getting anything, that's why I'm hoping to go out and you're not going so you can cry all you want but I want one night to myself without you tagging along."

"I hope he tells you no," her sister stated; "Then you'll be sorry."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "We can't do everything together all the time, Colleen; you go do things with your friends at times and I don't get mad about it."

"You could come if you wanted to but you never ask."

"Because I don't want to come; they're _your_ friends."

"Whatever," Colleen retorted. "I'm freezing to death; I hope you're happy."

"Oh my God," Johanna muttered; "What do you want me to do about it? I can't change the weather and I can't make Frankie drive us and I'm not paying for a cab to haul your prissy ass home, so just shut up and keep walking."

"I'm telling Dad you cussed at me."

"Oh please do," she said sarcastically.

"What's your problem?" Colleen snapped.

"Gee, I don't know," Johanna said; "I'm tired…I'm cold…I'm listening to you whine. I have to do everything while Mom's in the hospital plus go to school and you sure don't help me with anything at home."

"I don't have to, I'm the baby," her sister remarked.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know…but you're going to have to grow up eventually and do something."

"I don't have to listen to you, you're not Mom!"

Johanna sighed deeply; sometimes she wished she could just slap her sister and tell her a few things but she knew she'd be the next one getting slapped if she did that…after all, she had learned that lesson back when Colleen was still a biter.

A car pulled up along side of them, the window rolled down as the driver made kissy noises at them. Johanna glanced at the driver and saw that it was Joel. "Go away," she told him.

"Now don't be like that," Joel taunted; "You shouldn't talk that way to the man you want to kiss."

"I'd rather kiss a fungus," she retorted.

He smirked at her. "With the way you act, a fungus is probably the best you can hope for."

"It's still a step up from you."

"Well since you want to be that way, maybe I'll just offer your sister a ride home…she's a lot cuter than you; you know that don't you?" he asked, his gaze moving to Colleen as he looked her up and down, a smile on his lips.

"I know," Colleen said. "I'm freezing since she didn't make Frankie drive us."

"Well come on," Joel told her; "I'll drive you anywhere you want to go, cutie."

"Great," Colleen said, heading for the door Joel was opening from the inside.

Johanna grabbed the back of her coat. "We are not getting in the car with him."

"I didn't invite you," Joel retorted; "I said I'd take her, she's cute and friendly."

"She's twelve," Johanna stated; "She's not going anywhere with you."

"I'll be thirteen in two months!" Colleen exclaimed. "I'll go if I want to!"

"You are not getting in the car with him, Colleen!" she yelled; not liking the way Joel was eyeing her little sister up. She didn't trust him in the slightest.

"Come on, Colleen," Joel said, a smile on his lips. "You don't have to listen to your mean big sister…I bet she gives you a hard time, doesn't she?"

"All the time," she said as she pulled away from Johanna.

"Well come on, I'll buy you a soda before I take you home."

Colleen smiled. "Okay!"

"No," Johanna said firmly as she grabbed a hold of Colleen's coat once more and jerked her back away from the car. "You're not going anywhere but home with me."

"You're not Mom; you don't get to tell me what to do. If I want to go with him, I will! You're just jealous because he likes me better!"

"He's seventeen, he has no business taking a twelve year old out for anything and you're not going, now let's go," she told her.

"No!"

"Is there a problem here?" A policeman asked as he made his way down the walk toward them, his car parked a few feet away.

"Yes," Johanna said; "He's trying to get my twelve year old sister to go with him and I said she's not going anywhere but home."

"I see," the officer said as he looked into the car. "And how old are you?"

"Seventeen," Joel answered.

"Don't you think she's a little young for you?"

He smirked. "I wasn't going to do anything with her."

"Uh huh," the officer said as he eyed him and then looked back to Johanna. "How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"And still acts like a baby," Joel stated.

"She's a baby?" the cop asked; "And yet you're trying to pick up her twelve year old sister? I've got news for you; she's not the one with a problem here, you are."

"All I did was offer the girl a ride home."

"Just the twelve year old?"

"Yeah; because her sister is a bitch."

"Oh, her sister rejected you so you think you can make her mad by going after the younger one," the officer said with a nod. "That's sick."

"I don't want Johanna!" Joel exclaimed; "She's a little goody two shoes."

"Too good for you," the cop stated; "I can't tell that by looking at her and by the fact that you'd try to pick up a little girl on her way home from school. I'll make sure I'm patrolling this area around this time every day and if I ever see you trying to pick up anyone here again who clearly hasn't asked you to, you're going to be in trouble and I don't think you're parents will like that phone call. Now you go on your way and I'll make sure these girls get home safely; don't let me catch you bothering them again."

"Believe me, I won't," Joel said with a smirk before pulling away from the curb.

"I can't believe you did that!" Colleen yelled at Johanna. "He liked me; I could've had a date!"

"You don't need a date!" Johanna yelled; "I didn't let you get in the car because he was probably up to no good you little idiot; how many times have Mom and Dad told you not to get in anyone's car!"

"He's Frankie's friend!"

"He has no business taking you anywhere! He's not a nice person, Colleen."

"You embarrassed me!" her sister cried, tears spilling down her cheeks. "He'll think I'm a baby now."

"You are," the officer said before Johanna could say a word. "Now, where are your parents?"

"Our father is at work," Johanna replied. "Our mother is in the hospital."

"Where does your father work?"

"He owns McKenzie-Thorton Industries," she answered.

The officer nodded. "We can do one of two things, girls; I can call your father and have him come get you…or I can take you home myself. I don't want you to walk the rest of the way in case your little friend has decided to wait somewhere."

Johanna glanced at Colleen who was still crying. "I think it would be best if we just go with you, Officer; our father might be tied up in meetings and he'd get mad if he had to stop to come get us."

"I understand," the officer stated. "Come on, we'll get you home; you do make sure the door is locked when you're home alone, don't you?"

"Yes," she answered as she tugged Colleen to the police car.

"Mom told us not to get in the car with strangers," Colleen said sarcastically as the police officer opened the door of his car for them.

"He's a police officer, Colleen; he's got a badge."

"Still a stranger," her sister said snottily.

The officer gave Johanna a smile as he pulled his identification from his pocket to show her. "For your peace of mind," he told her; "I know how little sisters can be."

Johanna looked over the identification and deemed it legitimate, not that she had any doubts, she could hear the calls from the police radio and his uniform and badge looked like the ones she was used to seeing on patrols after school. "Can you lock my sister up for awhile?" she asked.

He laughed as they got into the car. "If only I had a dollar for every time I've been asked that."

"Is that a no?"

"I'm afraid so," he replied; "And don't worry, I'll make sure to give you my card so if your father has any questions about why I took you home, he can call and I'll tell him that you did nothing wrong."

"I appreciate that," Johanna said with a sigh as she sank back against the warm seat of the car, Colleen sniffling beside her.

* * *

Johanna cringed as she heard the door open at 5:15 that evening. She listened carefully, waiting to hear if her father slammed the door or closed it like a normal person would…her plans to go out would depend on his mood; although she had a feeling Colleen would do her best to make sure she was kept home. She cast a glance at her petulant little sister as she sat on the sofa; her gaze was on the television, but she could tell that Colleen was listening as well, waiting for the verdict of their father's mood.

The door slammed and her heart sank a little as she saw a slight smile touch Colleen's lips. The little brat had been hoping he'd be in a bad mood just so she wouldn't be allowed to go do what she wanted Johanna thought as she grabbed the newspaper from the coffee table and put it by her father's chair as he preferred it. Frank stomped into the room with his briefcase in hand, eyeing them as he did so. "Hi, Dad," Johanna said cautiously. "Did you go see Mom?"

"Yes," he snapped; "She's still dopey from the medicine. Why don't I smell dinner? What have you been doing since you got home, sitting on your ass watching that TV?"

"You didn't tell me to cook dinner," she said, keeping her tone soft.

"I shouldn't have to tell you every damn day, you should know!" he yelled; "Don't you have the sense God gave a goose! I go work all day to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back; I expect a meal when I get home! Did you think we weren't going to have dinner tonight?! Aren't you hungry or did you already stuff your face?"

"No," she answered. "Colleen had a snack but I didn't. I was…um…"

"You were what?" Frank said with a glare.

"I was hoping I could go out and eat with my friends tonight and then go skating with them," Johanna answered. "My homework can wait until the weekend and my side of the room is clean."

"You think you're just going to go running out of here and leave us with no dinner?" he asked tartly. "What the hell are we supposed to do?"

Her foot tapped against the floor nervously. "Well…I thought maybe you could make something but I know you're tired…so could I make dinner for you and then go?" she asked hopefully.

Frank sighed as he studied her. "Where are you getting the money for it if I say you can?"

It was allowance day but Johanna didn't feel like it would be wise to mention that; besides, she still had enough left from her last allowance to cover her outing. "I've got enough money to cover it; I didn't use all of my allowance from last time."

Colleen rose from the sofa and Johanna instantly went on alert. "Today's allowance day," she remarked.

Frank glared at her. "I know; I haven't forgotten, I just wanted to see if she'd ask for it; but unlike you, she didn't."

Colleen gave him a haughty look. "Johanna got us brought home by the police!"

Frank's gaze was full of fire as he turned toward Johanna. "What did you do?!"

"Oh my God, it's not what you think," Johanna exclaimed; "I didn't do anything wrong."

"Then what is it?" he yelled.

"That little idiot," she said as she pointed to Colleen; "Was trying to get in the car with a seventeen year old boy."

"It was Joel," Colleen interrupted. "He wasn't a stranger!"

"A cop saw me trying to stop her," Johanna went on; "He asked if there was a problem and I told him that Joel was trying to get my sister in his car. He made Joel leave and he brought us home. He gave me his card so you could call and check our story if you wanted to, I put it on your desk."

Frank shook his head. "You really are stupid, Johanna! You made a mountain out of a mole hill. Joel isn't some stranger; he's your brother's friend. Why didn't you just let him drive you home? And for that matter, where is your brother?"

"Out with his girlfriend," Johanna replied; "He said he wasn't driving us, that's why we were walking. Joel was calling her cutie and telling her he'd take her out."

"He was probably joking," Frank remarked.

"No, he wasn't and I wasn't getting in the car with him. I don't like him and I don't trust him."

"So you'd rather embarrass your mother and I by allowing the police to bring you home!" her father yelled. "I bet the neighbors just loved that!"

"Oh my God, we didn't get arrested; the cop didn't even come to the door, he just made sure we got in the house safely!" Johanna stated.

"She was just mad because Joel was only going to drive me," Colleen interjected. "He was going to buy me a soda and she was jealous so she told the cops on him!"

Frank shook his head. "Is that what it was, you were jealous?"

"No!" she yelled. "I didn't let her go because I didn't want you yelling at me for letting a twelve year old go off with a seventeen year old boy!"

"It was Joel," Frank retorted; "He wouldn't have done anything to her. You could've gotten him in a lot of trouble with the way you acted, Johanna; and I would've had to deal with his parents."

"Fine," Johanna said; "The next time she wants to get someone's car, I'll let her go. I don't care who it is; she can climb right in and go off and do what the hell she wants; I won't stop her."

Before Frank could speak; Frankie barged into the living room. "Hey, mouthy," her brother said sharply; "Who the hell do you think you are telling the cops that Joel is some kind of creep?"

"He is a creep," she retorted.

"Why? Because he wouldn't kiss you like you asked him to today?"

"What!?" Frank yelled.

"I didn't ask anyone to kiss me!" Johanna yelled.

"That's not what Joel says," her brother retorted.

"Joel's a liar!"

"So you were mad and jealous," Frank stated; "And apparently you were out trying to act like a little tramp by being bold enough to ask some boy to kiss you!" he yelled; "And I'm telling you right now; I won't stand for any daughter of mine being a tramp!"

"I didn't ask him, I swear!"

"Why would he lie!" her father bellowed.

"Because he's an ass!" Johanna yelled back; "Why else would he want to pick up a twelve year old!"

"He was just being nice because she was cold!" Frankie yelled.

"Right," she scoffed. "None of it would've happened if you had driven us home like Dad told you to this morning but I don't hear anyone bitching at you for anything!"

"Watch your mouth, young lady," Frank said sternly, jabbing a finger in her direction.

"Well why aren't you yelling at him for not doing what you told him?" Johanna cried.

"I'm sure he had a good reason," Frank remarked.

"I had plans with Tanya," Frankie stated. "She was only available right after school."

"There, he had a reason," their father said.

"He could've dropped us off first!"

"Frankie is a man," Frank stated; "He doesn't want his little sisters along for any part of a date!"

Johanna fought back tears. "I'm so glad I'm the only one in this house who gets yelled at no matter what. Colleen can get in cars after she's been told not to; Frankie doesn't have to do what he's told; a boy can lie about me and I get called a tramp."

"That's what you call a girl who throws herself at men," Frank retorted; "And you better never let me hear of you doing it again and your little plan to go out tonight is over; you're not going anywhere but into that kitchen to make dinner."

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

"The hell you haven't! You're out being brazen with boys at school; almost causing Joel trouble with the law; embarrassing me by allowing a cop to bring you home so the whole neighborhood can see and let's not forget your attitude problem. You're not going anywhere tonight; you get in that kitchen and get dinner on the table within the hour and don't even think for a minute that you're going out this weekend because you're not!"

"I have a basketball game to cheer at tomorrow!" Johanna cried. "If I'm not there, I'll get benched a game as punishment."

"I don't care!" Frank yelled. "You're needed here! You're the oldest girl, when your mother isn't here this house and your sister are your responsibility! It's starting to look like a damn pig sty around here. You're staying home this weekend and cleaning this damn house and getting the laundry done; not to mention that you have meals to cook. The bedding needs changed too so you've got plenty to do right here at home instead of shaking your ass on a basketball court to entice more boys!

Angry tears filled her eyes but she bit them back. "Oh, so I'm supposed to do everything while you all sit on your asses and do nothing right?" she retorted; "God forbid you have to make a meal or Frankie have to wash his own stinking clothes or for little precious Colleen to pick up after herself or dry a dish. I wouldn't want any of you to die from the exertion!"

Frank glared at her angrily. "Just for that, little smartass; you're grounded for a week."

Johanna scoffed. "Like I'll notice while I'm busy playing slave girl."

"You'll know it when you don't get your allowance tonight; because you just lost it!" he yelled.

"What do I need it for!?" Johanna yelled back; "I'm not allowed to go out. I'm not allowed to have a life. All I get to do is be the slave while Mom's in the hospital. I'd tell you to change my name to Cinderella but I know there's no prince coming up the driveway to rescue me!"

"You got that right," Frankie stated; "And once everyone knows what you did to Joel; you'll never have a date."

"Shut up, Frankie! This is all your fault anyway!"

"Enough!" Frank yelled. "Get in that goddamn kitchen and make dinner, Johanna; and it better be done by the time I come out of my office!"

"Fine," she snapped before turning and heading for the kitchen. She went to the fridge and grabbed out the ingredients she needed to make dinner. She could hear her father's office door closing and her brother's footsteps stomping up the stairs. Anger raced through her veins as she grabbed the phone and dialed Cathy's number. She quickly and quietly told her friend that she wouldn't be able to go out that night and hung up before she started crying. Some birthday it was, she mused as she washed her hands.

"I guess you don't think you're so much now," Colleen crowed as she came into the kitchen. "I told you that you weren't going out for your stupid birthday. You don't even get your allowance," she said gleefully.

"Get lost, Colleen," Johanna said as she opened the package of hamburger.

"Well I did tell you so…that will teach you to be mean and say I can't go with you…and ruin my chance to go on a date."

Johanna turned toward her. "Look, you stupid little girl; no seventeen year old boy is going to date a twelve year old girl; and if he does, it isn't for the reasons you think it would be but you're still too much of a baby to realize how stupid you were being today; but don't you worry, I won't ever stand in your way again."

"You're just mad because he liked me!"

"Bug, if you want him, go for it," she told her. "But you're going to end up looking like a big fool. Now get out of my sight because I'm done with you today; you just had to run your mouth before I could explain things to Dad and make it worse than it had to be."

"I don't care," her sister stated; "You deserved it!"

Johanna turned toward her and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt. "And if you don't get away from me, I'm going to shove my fist so far down your throat that my fingers will be tickling your toes; and you'll deserve that. And just so you know, come Monday, you better beg your brother to pick you up from school because if he doesn't, you'll be walking home alone because I'm not coming to get you. I'm walking home with my friends and we're not going the way you are; so you have fun walking home alone. Now you have three seconds to get out of here you little bitch," she said before shoving her away.

"I'm telling Dad you called me a bitch!" Colleen yelled.

"Please do!" Johanna yelled; "You know where to find him."

Her sister stormed away and Johanna turned back to the counter, molding the meat into hamburger patties. "Ten days now, Johanna!" she heard her father yell.

She didn't bother responding; what was the point anyway; she always lost…but if Colleen thought she was going down alone, she was in for a big surprise.

* * *

Johanna put a hamburger on each of the three plates she had on the counter and then added a helping of macaroni and cheese to each one. She then added some steamed broccoli to each plate, knowing how much Colleen hated it…especially if it touched the things she did like to eat…and Johanna made sure it was touching the burger and the macaroni. She poured the drinks and put the plates on the table and then poured some macaroni and cheese into a bowl for herself and left it on the counter before she went and knocked on her father's office door. "Dinner's ready," she said sharply.

"It's about damn time," Frank muttered as he came out of the office. "Dinner!" he yelled up the stairs."

Frankie and Colleen hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen, taking their places at the table. "Broccoli!" Colleen yelled. "I hate broccoli; and it's touching my food!"

"Too bad," Johanna replied; "Eat what you have or starve, I really don't care."

"Only one burger?!" Frankie complained.

"There's two more on the stove keeping warm," she retorted; "When you want it, get it."

"Aren't you eating?" Frank asked as he noticed the table was only set for three.

"I'm just having a bowl of macaroni and cheese; I'll come to the table in the minute," Johanna answered. "I have to get something first; it's important."

Frank nodded and she hurried from the kitchen, bounding up the stairs and into her room. She went to Colleen's side of the room and lifted up the corner of the mattress and pulled out the note her sister had been hiding there for the past few days. She tucked it into her pocket and then made her way downstairs, grabbing her bowl from the counter and sitting down in her mother's place at the table.

"What was so important?" Frank demanded to know.

Johanna breathed deeply, settling herself to do this just right. "Well, I was thinking about what you said, about how Colleen's my responsibility while Mom is sick."

Her father nodded. "What about it?"

"Since she is my responsibility right now, I think you need to see this," she said, pulling the letter from her pocket. "This is a letter from Colleen's math teacher; she's been hiding it from you for days because he wants to see you; apparently Colleen's failing her math class and will probably have to retake it in summer school…plus she's having some other issues, like a talking problem in class…."

"You swore you wouldn't tell!" Colleen wailed.

Johanna smiled. "I lied. Oh, and Dad; her teacher mentioned that he would just call you since you didn't answer his letter and Colleen told him yesterday that he couldn't because our mother is very sick in the hospital and you don't leave her side. She told him we're staying with our Grandma in Brooklyn right now. I thought you should know since I want to be a responsible sister while Mom is away."

"I hate you!" Colleen yelled.

Johanna gave her sister a bright smile. "I bask in your hatred, Colleen."

A deep scowl was etched upon Frank's face as he read the letter from Colleen's teacher. "You lying little brat!" he seethed as he looked at his youngest child. "You're grounded for the next two weeks."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Johanna said; "She signed Mom's name to her failed math test last week."

"Shut up!" Colleen screamed.

"That's three weeks!" Frank yelled. "And you can forget about signing up for spring dance classes because your ass will be sitting up in your room studying your math; and you're going to quit talking in class or I'm going to make you wish you never learned to talk in the first place. Now is there anything else I need to know before I call your teacher Monday?"

"No," Colleen spat; "Don't take my dance class away!"

"It's already gone," Frank seethed; "You've got studying to do and maybe that will be a lesson for you, you little lying brat."

"Johanna only told you because she's mad at me!"

"I'm aware of that," Frank stated; "And I don't really care; did you think you were going to get away with it forever?"

"Maybe," she spat; "I'm not eating this food after broccoli touched it!"

"Then you'll have nothing," Frank stated; "Your sister isn't making you an individual meal; you eat what's on your plate or go to bed hungry and if you think I don't know you're trying to change the subject, you're wrong."

Colleen huffed and grew silent, anger written across her face as she stabbed her potatoes with her fork.

"Anything else daddy needs to know today?" Frank asked; his tone dripping in sarcasm.

Johanna swallowed a bite of her macaroni and cheese. "When I reminded Frankie that you told him he was supposed to drive us home, he said that he doesn't care what you say, he does what he wants."

Frank shot a glare down the table to his son. "Is that right?"

Frankie shifted in his chair, shrugging a little as he did so. "I'm a senior, I'm a man, I think I have a right to do what I want."

Frank's eyes narrowed at him. "Is that so? Well let me tell you something, son; while you're living under my roof, you better care about what I say because my word is law and it's my money paying for half of that car out there; so the next time I tell you to drive your sisters home, you better do it; do I make myself clear?"

Frankie ignored his father's words as he glared at his sister. "I'll get you for this, Johanna."

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe you will, maybe you won't."

Frank glanced at his oldest daughter. "Well, princess; do you feel better now that you've become a snitch and ratted out your siblings?"

"No," she replied; "I'd only feel better if I could punch them both in the face."

"I'd break you in half," her brother stated.

She met his gaze. 'That's what you think."

"That's enough!" Frank stated; "I want silence for the rest of this meal and when it's over, Johanna, you get the damn dishes washed and put away and you, Colleen, get upstairs and do the math homework you haven't turned in the last few weeks according to your teacher's note."

"Fine," Colleen grumbled as she shot Johanna an angry glance.

Johanna smiled at her; that would teach her sister to mess with her.

* * *

Later that evening, Frank rose from the chair behind his desk and stretched; cringing a little as he caught sight of the time. He was supposed to call Naomi before eight and let her talk to the kids but he had forgotten in the chaos of the early evening and now it was far too late. He sighed; oh well, Naomi was probably still drowsy anyway; he'd take them to see her the next day and all would be well. He moved around the office, working the kink out of his back, his ears straining but all he heard was silence. The house had been oddly quiet for awhile now…but Frankie had gone out and wasn't expected home until midnight. Colleen had stomped off to her room as soon as dinner was over and hadn't been seen or heard since. He had heard the usual muted noise of kitchen clean up and assumed that Johanna had completed her duties but he hadn't heard or seen her either in awhile.

Another sigh slipped across his lips; God he hated being the only parent at home. It wasn't easy to take on all three of them alone…especially the girls…and truth be told, he'd rather not take them on. He was a businessman, not a nurturer…he wasn't good at dealing with teenage girls and their emotions, hormones, and attitude problems. Frankie was much easier; but then again, everything was always easier with boys and men. Still…he was the father…and that meant he had to make a trip upstairs to make sure both girls were accounted for and that they hadn't quietly maimed or killed each other…not that he thought it would be possible; Colleen was too dramatic to be quiet while being maimed but he should check anyway. Naomi would kill him if he lost one on his watch.

With that thought in mind, Frank left his office and headed upstairs, making his way to his daughters' room.

Colleen glanced up at him from her math book as she sat on her bed. "Can I take a break now?" she asked. "I did three assignments."

"Prove it," he told her as he moved closer to her bed.

Colleen gave him a huffy look as she shoved her binder toward him. Frank flipped through the pages, seeing three completed assignments. "Fine, you can be done for the night," he told her; "Tomorrow when we get home from seeing your mother, you can do another three; and on Sunday you can finish up what's left and you better never let this happen again."

"I don't know why I have to learn this. I'm going to be a singer!" Colleen stated.

"You're not being a damn singer, that's childish nonsense and you need to get that stupidity out of your head," he told her. "You're going to pass your classes and go to college and make something of yourself. Look at your sister, she works her ass off in school and brings home mostly As and a B or two. She's going to get into a good college; don't you want to get into one?"

"No," she spat; "I don't want to be a nerd like Johanna."

"Your sister isn't a nerd; she's got a brain and she uses it; you've got one too, you're just afraid to switch it on; well you better get with the program, Colleen; because you are going to college, failure is not an option."

"I don't want to go to college!"

"Too bad!" he yelled. "You're going."

Colleen gave him a look of annoyance as she slammed her math book shut. "You didn't give me my allowance."

Frank smiled. "That's right, I didn't and I'm not going to; because stupid little liars don't get an allowance. You lied to your teacher about me; you're failing a class, you hid a note from your teacher, you forged your mother's name; you're not going to be seeing your allowance for a long time, Colleen; so you think about that the next time you laugh when one of your siblings loses theirs."

"That's not fair!" she cried.

"Oh I think it's more than fair," he said sternly; "You're lucky I didn't take my belt off and crack you across your ass with it like you deserve. You're grounded for the next three weeks so you have no use for an allowance. Deal with it. Now, where's your sister?"

"She says she's not walking me home from school anymore and she wouldn't help me with my homework even though I kept asking her to help me," she said bitterly. "She just took her books and went downstairs and said she wasn't coming back until I'm asleep because she's not dealing with me anymore tonight."

"Are you surprised?" Frank asked; "She's mad at you."

Colleen scoffed. "She's just mad because everyone forgot her stupid birthday."

"What!?" he yelled.

"That's why she wanted to go out tonight because it's her birthday and no one remembered."

Anger flicked across his face. "And you couldn't tell me this hours ago when we could've done something about it!?"

"Why should I?" Colleen yelled back. "She wasn't going to let me go with her and her stupid friends so I'm glad she got in trouble and didn't get to go!"

"You little twit," Frank seethed; "You knew it was her birthday and you didn't say a damn word! You were too busy flapping your gums about everything else but what you should! And just so you know since you seem to have it in your head that Joel was going to take you on a date; girls in this house aren't allowed to date until they're fifteen; the only exception is for school dances. Make sure you remember that, Colleen; now you go get ready for bed and I don't want to hear another peep out of you."

Colleen gathered up her books and got up from her bed, throwing them on the desk before turning to the dresser to get what she needed to change for the night. Seeing that his youngest child was dealt with, Frank turned and left the room to go search for his middle child.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he could see the light on in the kitchen and he moved toward the soft glow, stepping across the threshold as his gaze sought out his eldest girl. He found her at the kitchen table, a textbook open in front of her and her pencil hovering over her notebook as she worried her bottom lip. "Johanna," he said, as he moved closer.

"What did I do now?" she asked, her tone flat. "Did I miss a chore on tonight's list or are you here to add to tomorrow's list?"

"No," he replied, feeling slightly awkward as he stood at the head of the table. "What are you doing?"

"My homework."

"I thought you were going to leave it until the weekend?"

"Well I figured I better do some of it now," Johanna said tartly; "As we know, Mom won't be home this weekend and I've already been given my list of duties to complete. I've got a house to clean and laundry to do, beds to change, meals to cook; I'm not going to feel like doing algebra over the weekend."

"Algebra," Frank repeated. "You sometimes struggle with that."

"Thanks for the reminder," she said as she turned the page.

"Do you need any help?"

Johanna scoffed as she looked up at him. "Since when do you help me with my homework?"

Frank scowled. "I've helped you before."

"No, you haven't…I remember asking you to help me with my family tree assignment and you about blew a blood vessel over it. I don't think I've ever asked you since then and I never will; so don't worry, I'll figure it out on my own. I'm not Colleen; I don't just ball up the paper and throw it away."

Frank shifted on his feet. "Alright, listen…I'm sorry about not letting you go out with your friends."

"Yeah, right," she laughed.

"I am."

"Sure; you're about as sorry about that as I am about calling Colleen a little bitch and getting three more days of being grounded."

Frank gripped the back of the chair, trying to remain patient as he studied his daughter; she wasn't looking so much like a little girl these days…it was hard not to notice that the lines of her face had matured; that she had shot up a few inches and was now as tall as Naomi…that little girl softness had faded into the figure of a woman. He frowned; he still wasn't ready to think of her as a woman…she was just a girl…a girl who had gone through her milestones of bras, leg shaving and periods, but a girl none the less.

And today she was another year older…another step closer to being a full fledged woman.

And he had forgotten…and he didn't know what to say or do about it; he couldn't change what had been done and it was too late in the evening to try to throw some small celebration together.

"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" Frank asked, his tone oddly quiet.

Johanna's jaw tightened as her gaze jerked toward him, fire simmering in the green depths of her eyes. "I shouldn't have to…you're my father, you should know when I was born."

Frank bit his tongue for a moment, holding her gaze for a moment as he tried to reconcile how she could look so much like Naomi with that snap of fire in her eyes…and yet at the same time, look so much like Sarah McKenzie with that lift of her chin and the tightness of her jaw. "Things haven't exactly been calm around here, Johanna," he said, keeping his tone even. "I didn't deliberately forget you."

"Yeah, sure…you never do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked sharply.

"It means that I'm not even surprised that you forgot," Johanna remarked; "I'm really not; because I know that Mom is the one who has to remind you of anything that has to do with me…because you don't care about me, you never have. All I'm good for is to be your little slave girl while Mom's sick and your built in babysitter for Colleen because you don't want to deal with her. It wouldn't have mattered if I told you it was my birthday; you still would've screamed at me and grounded me and gave me my list of duties as your substitute housekeeper."

Frank squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten. "It's not like that; you're the oldest girl, taking care of the house and your sister in your mother's absence is what is expected of you."

"Well then I guess I better go upstairs and make sure Colleen's tucked in since I'm her new mommy," she said sarcastically. "Maybe I'll tell her a bedtime story."

Frank smirked at her. "The one about putting your fist so far down her throat you'll be tickling her toes?"

She smiled. "That is one of my favorites."

He sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, alright; I forgot your birthday and I know, it makes me seem like a terrible father but there's nothing I can do…and you're getting too old to be upset about silly things like birthdays. One day you'll be sliding into your thirties and you won't want to acknowledge your birthday at all."

"Then we should stop acknowledging yours because you're _way_ past thirty," Johanna remarked.

"You're awfully snarky today," he retorted; "Is it that time of the month?"

Johanna glared at him. "That's none of your business!"

"I'm your father; everything is my business!"

"My period is my business," she shot back; "It's not like you can control it like my allowance."

"Alright!" he yelled; "I don't want to discuss your personal business anymore than you do!"

"You're the one who brought it up."

"I know; I'm sorry. I'm sorry I brought it up, I'm sorry I forgot what day it is and that you didn't have anything to make it special, okay? I'm sorry."

"Oh I had lots of things to make it special," she retorted. "My brother let me walk home in the freezing cold, telling me I had a coat and would be fine, and yeah, I know I'm fine, but it would be nice if once in awhile he could be yelled at for not listening to you. I got lied about by his creep of a friend. I got to be brought home by a cop because my little sister is stupid and I was stupid enough to think it was my job to protect her. I got grounded. I got my allowance taken away. I got yelled at; I got chores, tomorrow I'll be getting yelled at by my coach when I call and tell her I won't be cheering at the game. I got all the housework to do…so yeah, I got a lot of special things for my birthday; thank you so much."

"I hate when you're like this," he snapped.

"Well then why don't you do what you always do, Dad; go back to your office and pretend I don't exist," Johanna retorted; "Because let's face it; Frankie is your golden child and Colleen's the baby and I'm the one you didn't want; so just leave me alone like you always do," she said as she slammed her books shut, gathering them up from the table as she shoved her chair back from the table.

"It's not like that at all, Johanna."

"Yeah; sure," she retorted, pushing past him as he tried to step into her path.

"Where do you think you're going?" Frank asked.

"Away from you," Johanna replied. "I don't want to hear that you're sorry because you're not…you never are. I just want all of you to leave me alone for the rest of the night; is that too much to ask!"

"You're in the wrong house for wanting to be alone," he told her as he followed her to the stairs.

"Yeah; I know," she said bitterly; "But I'll just take my chances with Colleen. I need to make sure she goes to bed anyway since she's 'my responsibility'."

Frank sighed as he watched her run up the stairs. "Happy Birthday," he called after her, making her turn and give him a look that he was sure could freeze the fires of hell.

"Yeah; it's been really happy…it's going to be really hard to top next year," Johanna retorted before she whirled away, her dark hair flipping over her shoulder as she stormed away.

He blew out a breath as he stared up the stairs at the empty hallway; he had really blown this one…and of course he had it to blow it with the one who held a grudge. Yeah; he'd never live this down. It wasn't a pleasing thought but Frank didn't know what else to do about it…he just wasn't any good at this…he didn't like being a single parent; Naomi needed to come home. Naomi needed to take care of this…or at least tell him how to take care of it because he didn't have a clue how to make it better or if he should even bother trying. Maybe it was best to just let it blow over on its own. Frank frowned as he continued to stare up the stairs…but then again, nothing ever seemed to blow over in his house; at least not without some type of battle preceding it. Why did it have to be Johanna? Why did it have to be his most difficult child? He forced himself away from the stairs; he knew why…it was because someone out there hated him.

…_to be continued_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 6- Fiery Fifteen-Part 2

The next morning after their tense breakfast was finished; Johanna got up from the table and began to clear away the dishes. "I'm going out," Frankie stated as he pushed back his chair.

"No, you're not," Frank remarked. "We're going to go see your mother."

"I'll see her when she gets home," his son replied. "I have plans."

"No, you'll see her today…you had plans yesterday; that's why you didn't bring the girls home like you were supposed to."

"So now I'm being punished by having to sit in a hospital room all day?" Frankie retorted.

Frank glared at him. "You'll sit in that damn room because it's your mother; you can see your little girlfriend tonight. You won't die from having your head out of her ass for a few hours."

"Fine," he retorted.

"Will you be back in time for lunch?" Johanna asked. "Do I need to make you something?"

Frank eyed her. "What do you mean will we be back? I said we're going to see your mother."

Johanna shook her head. "I'm not going; remember, I'm not to think of leaving this house this weekend because I have to stay home and play Cinderella."

Her father glared at her. "So you're going to be a little smartass and take your anger out on your mother."

"I'm not angry," she replied; "I'm just obeying my father like you always say I should."

"No; you're being a little smart ass because you're mad that I forgot your birthday. Well I already told you I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to do about it. People get busy, Johanna; the world doesn't revolve around you."

"I never said it did," she retorted. "You're the one who grounded me so I'm doing what you said and staying in the house."

"How do you think your mother is going to feel about that?" Frank asked.

She shrugged. "If she cares about talking to me, she can call, I'll be here…as for the rest; she can take it up with you. I'm just obeying your orders. I do need to know about lunch though."

"We'll eat out after we spend some time with your mother, you selfish little brat. I wouldn't want to put you out by asking you to make some sandwiches later in the day."

"Good," she replied. "It would take up time that I could be using on the laundry."

Frank shoved back his chair as he glared at her. "Just so you know; your waffles this morning were disgusting."

Johanna smirked at him. "And yet you shoved two down your throat without gagging so they must not have been too bad."

"I was hungry," he retorted. "It's not like you made a substantial dinner last night."

Her eyes narrowed. "I didn't know I had to make a five course meal."

Frank stepped toward her, using his height to try to intimidate her as he looked down at her. "I expect a better meal tonight; and you better lose the attitude or you'll be grounded for another week."

"I don't care," she replied. "I thought you were leaving."

Frank eyed her. "Are you anxious for us to leave?"

"Yeah, I am," Johanna stated. "It'll be a lot easier to get the house clean if all of you aren't in my way."

"Uh huh…what are you trying to pull?"

"Nothing!" she exclaimed. "You told me I had to stay home this weekend and clean so I'm doing it! What do you think I'm going to do?"

"I never can tell with you," her father retorted. "I don't put anything past you."

"I'm not doing anything but what you told me to do!" she yelled.

Frank stabbed a finger in her direction. "Don't you raise your voice to me, young lady; you keep it up and I'll slap that smart mouth of yours and then you'll have something better than a damn birthday to cry about."

Johanna glared at him. "Have you left yet?"

"We're leaving," he snapped. "Colleen, get your coat on and don't you dare even try to say you're not going."

"Don't hurry back," Johanna said as her sister left the room without a word.

Frank eyed her seriously. "You better be here when I get back; because if you're not…you better be in church asking God to help you when I find you."

"I'll be here," she retorted. "I know what happens to runaway slaves; I learned all about it in history class."

He jabbed her shoulder with his finger. "You're asking for an attitude adjustment, little girl; so you just keep it up and you're going to get it."

"I'm not afraid of you," Johanna murmured.

"You better get afraid; I've just about had it with you. It's barely eight-thirty and you're already on my last nerve. I know you're pissed off at me for yelling at you, for grounding you, not letting you go with your friends and for missing your birthday; but things happen, Johanna; you have to learn to get over it and act like a lady not a spoiled little brat."

Her jaw tightened. "Goodbye, father."

Anger flicked across Frank's face. "Don't call me that, you know I hate when you do that!"

"Dad!" Frankie yelled; "Are we going or are you going to spend all day yelling at the brat?"

"We're going," Frank yelled back. "Johanna, lock the door behind us and don't even think of having your friends over because I will ask the neighbors if they saw anyone around."

"I don't want anyone here," she remarked as she followed him to the door. "I want you all to go so I can be alone!"

"Fine," her father said as he stepped outside. "Be alone!"

"Thank you!" Johanna exclaimed as she slammed the door shut and locked it before leaning back against it. She breathed deeply…she just needed to be alone for awhile; needed peace and space…needed to pretend that she was on her own. It would be years before she could have her own place; but at least she could pretend for a little while. Maybe that would be her gift to herself.

* * *

Naomi McKenzie smiled as her husband and children entered her hospital room. Her head felt clearer today but she took a second look at the group filling into the room. No, her eyes weren't fooling her, she was missing a child. "Where's Johanna?" she asked.

"At home being a little brat," Frank said as he kissed her cheek.

Naomi sighed. "What role did you play in that?"

"She's the one who's had a burr up her ass," Frank stated; "Not to mention her attitude problem."

"She's mad because she got grounded and lost her allowance," Frankie stated as he flopped into a chair.

"Yeah," Colleen agreed; "And because everyone forgot her stupid birthday."

Naomi's eyes widened slightly. "Her birthday? Oh my God, Frank; what's the date?"

"Today is February fifth."

"How could you let this happen!" she exclaimed. "Why didn't you remind me yesterday?"

"Naomi, you were still groggy from the medication; I'm not sure you knew half of what I was saying."

"Well you weren't medicated; what's your excuse?! How could you forget her birthday?!"

"I've been busy," he snapped. "I have to worry about my wife lying in the hospital and go to work and run a business and then go home and deal with those three hellions every day. It slipped my mind. She'll get over it."

Naomi squeezed her eyes shut, imagining how disappointed her daughter must have been to have nothing special for her day. "Frank," she muttered; her soft tone carrying an edge.

"I told her I was sorry," her husband stated. "She doesn't believe me of course but she can't say I didn't tell her."

"She's probably angry with me too," she stated. "I hadn't even gotten her a gift yet."

"You were sick," Frank replied; "It's not like she's lacking for anything."

"I wanted to get her those boots she wanted."

"She's got boots."

She sighed a little. "The boots that are all the rage with young girls now."

"She doesn't need Go-Go Boots."

"She may not _need _them but she _wants _them, Frank; she doesn't ask for much."

"Well if you think I'm going out and try to figure out what size to buy her, you're wrong. You can buy the damn things when you're well enough to shop."

"Oh of course; I wouldn't want you to have to find your daughter a gift; it's so much better to let her have nothing."

"Don't worry, Naomi; I'm still the one she hates," Frank stated. "You'll still be the good one in her eyes; don't worry for a single second."

"It's her birthday, Frank; she should've had something! Did you at least get her a cake?"

"No," he answered; "By the time Colleen flapped her gums it was too late to do anything about it."

Naomi glanced at her youngest child. "Why didn't you tell your father that it was your sister's birthday?"

Colleen shrugged. "Because she wanted to go out with her friends for her birthday and she said I couldn't go…so that's what she gets…she didn't get to go out either."

"For God's sake," Naomi muttered; "Well you all better make it up to her today. You go buy her a cake, Frank; and take her out to dinner."

"She's grounded," he replied. "She's not to leave the house; although I offered to let her come visit you."

"What did you ground her for now?"

Frank explained the events of the day before with Colleen and Frankie adding in their commentary as he did so. Naomi sighed deeply when they finished. "I'm ashamed of all of you."

"What for?" Frankie asked; "We didn't do anything."

"You did plenty," Naomi said sharply. "If you had done what you were told and drove your sisters home, half of this trouble wouldn't have started. As for the business at school; how dare you take the word of your friend over the word of your sister!? How dare you let some boy humiliate her like that! You weren't there when the conversation happened so you had no right to believe him over her or to embarrass her further!"

"Dad's the one who called her a tramp, not me," Frankie replied.

"I'll deal with him in a minute," she snapped; her gaze shifting to Colleen. "And you, young lady; I have told you time and time again that you don't get in the car with anyone unless it's me, your father, brother, or grandfather; or when you're at your Aunt's, Bridget and Uncle Will; unless you have permission. Your sister did what she was supposed to do; she stopped you and you used your mistake to make trouble for her. Well guess what, little girl, you're grounded for a week for disobeying me, because you know better than to try to get in some boy's car, especially alone!"

"I'm already grounded for three weeks for the school stuff!" Colleen cried.

"Well now it's four!" Naomi said tartly; "And since you can't be trusted, your brother will be picking you up every day and driving you home…and if he doesn't pick you up like I've told him to, he will no longer have a car."

"You can't do that!" Frankie exclaimed.

Naomi narrowed her eyes at him. "You just watch me," she said; her tone low and clipped. "While you live under my roof, you'll do what I say and I said you're picking her up from school. The first time you don't pick her up because you're off with that trashy Tanya Hartley, I'll be waiting on you at the door when you get home and I will be collecting your keys; so you just try me, Franklin; you try me once."

Her son's jaw tightened as he glared at her for a moment before glancing to his father. "I'll be in the waiting room," he said before storming from the room.

"You go too, Colleen," Naomi said; "I want to talk to your father alone for a few minutes."

"Fine," she huffed as she stormed after her brother.

Frank sighed. "This doesn't seem to be the visit we had intended on."

"I guess not when you're letting everything go to hell," Naomi stated; "Good lord, Frank; it's only been a few days and it sounds like everything is falling apart. I better get out of here soon or I'll probably go home and find that I'm one daughter short because I don't put it past her to try and take off if you push too hard."

"If she does, she better hope she hides really well because when I find her, I'll blister her ass for her and slap her in that all girls boarding school in Vermont."

"Over my dead body," Naomi declared; "And if I ever hear you call either of our daughters a tramp, I swear to God, I'll punch you right in your mouth! How dare you say that to her!"

"Teach her not to throw herself at boys and I won't have a reason to call her that," Frank retorted.

"Were you in the school when this conversation happened?" Naomi asked.

"No."

"Then you don't know what really happened; you just automatically brand her the liar and take the word of the boy."

"Why would he lie?"

"I can think of plenty of reasons. Why would Johanna lie?"

"To save face because he didn't want her," Frank retorted; "She's a teenage girl, Naomi; you know they like to get bold sometimes."

"My daughter was raised right and if she says she didn't ask that boy to kiss her than I believe her…and it would be nice if her father would've believed her. You taught her a really nice lesson, Frank; you've now taught her that men can lie about her and you'll believe them over her. That's such a nice thing for a young girl to discover…especially on her birthday! It's bad enough that you called her a tramp; but it's even worse that you did it on that day!"

Frank blew out a breath. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"No; it's not okay! You didn't need to ground her; I know she has an attitude at times but based on everything I've heard about yesterday, I don't blame her for getting smart with you. You took everyone's word but hers and gave her some stupid nonsense about embarrassing us by accepting a ride home from that officer. Well I'd rather my girls come home in a police car than have Colleen out with a seventeen year old boy who could've done God knows what to her, and I don't give a damn if he's Frankie's friend. I've never liked him and I don't doubt for a minute that he was up to no good but you couldn't take that into consideration; no, all you could think about was yourself and your embarrassment. All she wanted was to go out with her friends and you should've just let her go, Frank…you bait her every damn time and as soon as she comes back at you, you ground her. You take her allowance. You took her cheerleading tonight and now she'll be punished by her coach for that; and for what? What did she really do to deserve all that? So she mouthed off to you…Frankie does it all the time and you don't ground him. So she said something to her sister that she probably shouldn't have…Colleen shouldn't have been so vindictive and then maybe she wouldn't have called her what she did. You find out it was her birthday and instead of trying; instead of saying you'd make it up today, you do nothing…you prove to her that she doesn't matter to you. You just give her a blasé apology and expect her to get over it…well she's a teenage girl, Frank; she doesn't just get over it.

"Apparently that trait never leaves," her husband stated.

Naomi glared at him. "You listen to me, Frank McKenzie," she said, her tone biting; "You better do something to make this birthday up to her."

"Like what?"

"Figure it out!" she yelled; "For once in your damn life, figure out what to do in regard to her. I don't want to hear excuses; just figure it out and do it! Make this better, Frank…don't just brush it under the rug because you don't think it's important. Do something."

"What the hell am I supposed to do, Naomi?" he spat.

"I told you; figure it out."

Frank clamped his lips shut, not wanting to argue further with his wife; not when any number of doctors and nurses could be in the hallway listening to every word they said. Instead he resigned himself to the idea of trying and gave a stiff nod…he didn't have the faintest idea of what to do, but he'd have to try to do something.

* * *

Johanna rubbed her fingers across her forehead as she made her way back downstairs that afternoon. She hoped the Midol would kick in soon and ease her headache and cramps. She sighed as she reached the bottom step; even the universe was ganging up on her; her period had arrived five days early and she wasn't sure if she should be worried about that or not. She was used to being late occasionally; her mother had told her to expect that at times but she hadn't ever mentioned being early…and of course she wasn't there to ease her mind. Johanna bit her bottom lip as she stood at the bottom of the stairs; she couldn't even call her grandmother and ask her; she was away in upstate New York tending to her own mother…she couldn't bother her with something like this…and she surely couldn't mention it to her father. Her eyes stung as tears pooled in her eyes but she shook it off. It would be alright…if nothing else, she could always ask the school nurse Monday morning, surely she'd be able to tell her.

She breathed deeply and exhaled; there was nothing she could do about her period; it had to run its course as usual…but at least its arrival meant that she no longer felt badly about missing the game tonight. She didn't feel like cheering now…but she also didn't like the thought of being benched for the next game…and she was officially benched now. The Coach hadn't been too understanding of her plight; in fact she had implied that she thought she was making the whole thing up just so she could go out with friends since it was Saturday instead of the usual Friday night games. It seemed like she was in trouble everywhere she went this week, Johanna mused; but there wasn't anything she could do about the Coach and her punishment either. She did still have chores to do however.

So far Johanna had accomplished cleaning and scrubbing the kitchen; she had changed all the bed linens and had cleaned the upstairs bathroom. She refused to clean Frankie's room…and she'd be damned if she cleaned up Colleen's half of their room. She had straightened her mother's side of the master bedroom but hadn't touched her father's side, other than to dust the dresser. She had cleaned their bathroom after a short debate about whether she should or not but she wasn't anxious to be yelled at again. She hadn't dared to touch his office. The first load of laundry was in the washer and the rest was sorted and in baskets in the basement. She still had the living room to clean and dinner to make. She wished she could take a break…revel in the peace of having the house to herself…watch what she wanted on TV; which she did have the TV on but she couldn't give it the attention she'd like when she was busy cleaning. She sighed; it would be nice if she could just stretch out on the couch, watch TV…vegetate for awhile without anyone to bother her.

But she had to get her list of chores done…they'd be home in time for dinner if not sooner.

Another sigh crossed her lips and she turned to head to the kitchen to get the cleaning supplies she'd need to clean the living room but then the phone rang, drawing her back to the stand beside the sofa. "Hello?" she answered.

"Hello, Bambina," her mother said, her soft voice floating across the line.

"Hi, Mom," Johanna murmured.

"I was disappointed not to see you this morning."

"I'm sorry…I just…"

"I know, dear," Naomi replied. "I hear you had a pretty bad day yesterday."

"Yeah; you could say that."

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," her mother stated; "You know I'd never do that on purpose, don't you?"

"I know, Mama," Johanna said softly. "You've been sick…it's not your fault."

"I promise that as soon as I get out of here, I'll take you out to get your gifts."

"It's okay; you don't have to worry about it."

"Don't be silly; I won't rest until you have your gifts…you're my baby, you need to celebrated, even if it is a little belated."

Johanna raked her hand through her hair. "Can we go just the two of us?" she asked.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yeah…I know Colleen will get mad…but just this once, can't it be just us?"

"Yes," Naomi replied softly; "When I'm deemed well enough; we'll take a Saturday and go off, just the two of us; shopping and lunch and I'm sure we can find a Katharine Hepburn movie playing somewhere in this city; and if not, then we'll just find some other movie. How does that sound?"

A small smile touched her lips. "It sounds good."

"I'll get you those boots you wanted."

"The white ones?"

"Yes, Bambina; the white ones. Is there anything else that's special that you want?"

"I saw a pair of sunglasses I like," Johanna replied. "They don't cost much."

"You shall have them," her mother said warmly; "And a few dresses for spring."

"When are you coming home?"

"I don't know yet, darling; I hope it's soon."

"Me too," she murmured.

"I heard about the, um, Joel incident."

Johanna closed her eyes, feeling her cheeks warm. "I didn't ask him to kiss me!"

"Well what exactly did happen that led to this story that you did?"

Johanna explained what had happened at school and what she had said in response to Joel's remark.

"I see," Naomi said when she finished; "But, sweetheart; your response could be construed in a way as you wanting him to kiss you."

"I don't want him to kiss me!"

"You asked if he was volunteering…you can't say things like that to a boy; especially a boy like Joel…you might not have meant it that way, but boys don't think the way we do. They think we always mean it their way. You have to be careful with your words, Johanna; it's things like that that can have the whole school talking about a girl."

"So you're calling me a tramp too?"

"No, I'm not!" her mother said sharply; "And your father better never say that word to you again either. I'm saying that you need to be mindful of what you say; you don't want to end up with a reputation that you don't deserve. You're a nice girl; you don't want people talking about you. I know you're at the age where you're interested in boys and I can understand why you'd have a little crush on your brother's friend but…"

"I don't have a crush on him!" she yelled. "Can anyone in this family ever believe me just once!?"

"Johanna…"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I don't like him; I'm only nice to him because you make me be nice to everyone! I don't have a crush on him."

"Alright, you don't…but if you did; I think it would be wise to look for a boy in your own grade."

"You don't believe me; you're just like Dad!"

"Now let's not go there," Naomi remarked; "If you say you don't like him, then I'll believe that."

"Well I don't like him! I do like a boy in my own grade but he doesn't even notice me, so now you know, okay!?"

Naomi was quiet for a moment. "What boy is this?"

"I'm not telling you. I'm telling anyone," she said tearfully.

"Then how can I help you get him to notice you?"

"He'll either notice me or he won't, I'm not saying anything to him. Apparently girls can't say anything."

"Oh my," Naomi sighed; "Are you in a mood today?"

"Yeah, I am, so I guess I'll hang up because I have to finish cleaning your house and make dinner for your husband…and then clean the kitchen again and do more of my homework and then I'll probably have to make sure Colleen's done her homework and send her to bed since I've been told I'm her substitute mommy when you're not here," Johanna said sharply.

"Well, Johanna, you are the oldest girl," Naomi said gently; "The oldest daughter is always expected to take on the role of lady of the house when her mother is absent."

"Yeah, I know; I already heard," she said bitterly. "It would be nice though if just once Colleen didn't get off the hook. She could stick her precious hands in the dish water once in awhile."

"You know I've been teaching her to do the dishes; she's a difficult student, you weren't."

"So I get punished for having a brain?"

"Your sister has a brain too."

"She's failing math."

"I know, I heard…I also heard how that fact was discovered so you shouldn't be surprised that your sister isn't volunteering to help you."

"It must be nice to be Colleen," Johanna said; "Even when she's in trouble she's excused."

"She is not excused!" Naomi stated; "And you better drop your attitude or you won't be getting those boots!"

"I've got to go," Johanna replied, tears clogging her throat. "I've got stuff to do."

"No; you tell me what your problem is, right now, you tell me."

"Everything," she replied; "Nothing's ever fair here; I have to do all the work while you're away and no ever helps. All I get is yelled at and told I'm wrong about everything. Some stupid boy lies about me and nobody believes me; I try to keep Colleen from getting in his car and Dad gets mad because a cop brought us home. I'm never allowed to get mad about anything because then I'm grounded for 'having an attitude'. I can't go cheer tonight because Dad said so and I had to call my coach and tell her and listen to her act like I'm lying and now I'm benched from the next game. I wanted to go out with my friends last night for a piece of pizza and to skate and I don't get to do that. My own father forgot my birthday and he's not sorry. My brother hates me and my sister gets on my nerves because I have to have her with me every second of my life it seems like. It's all of them against me and I never win and you're not here!"

"Alright," Naomi murmured; "Alright…I understand, you're frustrated; your father wasn't fair with you; your brother was mean, he sided with his friend instead of you like he should have. Colleen was in the wrong for trying to get into that boys car and I grounded her for a week when she was here. I know you get tired of her being your shadow…but one day you'll miss her when you're all grown up and you don't see each other all the time. You have to understand, she loves you; and I know you love her and that she doesn't make it easy at times…but you have to understand, she doesn't know how to let go of the way things used to be when you were both small and those two years difference between you didn't matter. I know you're having a hard time…you're growing up and it's exciting and scary and stressful…I know you struggle sometimes, that you're unsure of what you're supposed to do and that you lash out when you can't find any other way to let people know how you're feeling. I know that you think no one listens, but I do…and I know, I'm not there and that it's hard for you to not have me there to help fight your battles…but sweetheart; one day you won't have a choice but to go at things on your own; not that that means I won't support you or try to help you…but one day, it's going to happen…and one day a very long time for now, I won't be…"

"Don't say it!" Johanna cried. "Please don't say it."

Naomi swallowed the words. "There's no need to think of that right now…but you are growing up, Bambina; when you've got things on your mind, you're just going to have to find a way to make people listen…even if that person is your father. He'll listen."

"Yeah, sure," she sniffed as she swiped angrily at the tears on her cheeks.

"You and your daddy are too much alike," Naomi stated; "That's why you don't get along."

"I'm not like him!"

"Oh, sweetheart; you have a healthy dose of Frank McKenzie in your veins; it isn't a bad thing…it just makes it difficult for the two of you to connect the way you need to."

"He only cares about Frankie and Colleen."

"That's not true; your father loves you very much."

"He's got a funny way of showing it," Johanna retorted. "He told me my waffles are disgusting…and he didn't like dinner yesterday…nothing I ever do makes him happy."

"It'll be alright, honey," she soothed. "I'm sure your cooking has been fine; I taught you everything you know…he's just being picky because he misses me."

"No, he just hates everything I do so I don't know why he's making me do it."

"Darling, listen, tonight make lasagna, the breadsticks, and a nice salad. You make those things very well and I'm sure your father will be pleased with that, okay?"

"Okay," Johanna replied softly; at least that was something that didn't need constant attention.

"Anything else on your mind?"

She hesitated for a moment and then decided to lay out her newest worry. "My period came early…is there something wrong with me?"

"How early is it?" Naomi asked.

"Five days."

"You're fine, baby; those things happen sometimes."

"You always say it can be late," she reminded her.

"I know; but it can be early at times. They rarely ever stay on a perfect schedule, Johanna; you'll find that out as the years go on. You started at thirteen and that first year your cycle was questionable as I told you it would be. Now you're fifteen and it's pretty consistent but you can still expect to be late at times…and even early at times."

"What makes it come early though?"

"It could've been anything," her mother replied; "It might just be the hormones this time…but I have a feeling that the main culprit this time is stress. You've got school and you're upset that I'm away, you were very upset yesterday and you're still upset today…you had a lot of stress this past week; it brought it on a little early but it's nothing to worry about. You're fine. Take the Midol and lay down for a little while."

"I can't, I have too much to do."

"I said you can," Naomi remarked. "Now you go lay down and take a little nap and I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you too," Johanna replied before they said goodbye. She hung up the phone and glanced at the couch before forcing herself to head to the kitchen. She had to finish cleaning…she had to get things started for dinner; she'd have to change the laundry soon. There wasn't time for her to take a break.

* * *

It was a little after three-thirty when Johanna heard the front door open and voices filling the entry way. She frowned as she glanced at her mother's recipe book, double checking how long the pan of lasagna she was preparing should be in the oven. It needed to bake for an hour; which meant it would finish a little shy of their normal dinner time but she could let it cool while she made the salad and poured drinks. It would work out fine…and if they ate a few minutes early, who cared? All that meant was that she could get to the clean up faster.

"Johanna," her father called out.

"I'm in the kitchen," she answered as she finished sprinkling the cheese on top of the lasagna.

"Come out here," he bellowed.

She rolled her eyes. "Just a minute. I'm putting dinner in the oven."

"Fine, I'll just come to you," Frank said gruffly; silently ordering his other two children to follow him.

Johanna slid the pan in the oven as they came into the room and she carefully set the kitchen timer before she turned to face her father as he sat a pink box on the table. "I got the cleaning finished," she stated; "I'm still working on the laundry but it'll be done soon."

"Did you vacuum?" he asked.

"Yes."

"There's still lint on the carpet in the entry way," Frank stated.

Johanna's heart fell a little; apparently there wouldn't even be an attempt of half hearted praise that she had gotten nearly everything done before he got home. "I'm sorry," she murmured, hating that she felt so emotional about it. "I'll do it over."

"The kitchen doesn't look as clean as it could."

Her jaw tightened. "That's because I'm making dinner…I did scrub the floor and clean everything. After dinner, I'll be cleaning the counter and washing the dishes again."

Frank nodded. "Did you have any guests over?"

"No, I didn't."

"Good," he replied. "Open the box."

Johanna moved to the table and untied the string on the box, smiling a little as she lifted the lid and caught sight of a cake…but then her smile faded as her siblings burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Frank demanded to know.

"They spelled her name wrong," Colleen giggled.

"They got her age wrong too," Frankie laughed.

Frank looked at his silent middle child and then glanced at the cake she was staring at. _"Happy 4__th__ Birthday Joanna'. _He squeezed his eyes shut. "I told them, J-O-H-A-N-N-A!" he exclaimed. "This is your mother's fault for spelling your name that way!"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah…I guess it kind of is…people do spell it wrong all the time," she murmured.

"And I told them fourteen, not four," her father stated. "I specifically remember saying fourteen."

Frankie laughed harder as Johanna allowed the lid to fall, concealing the cake from view. "I'm fifteen, Dad," she remarked.

"No, you're not," he replied.

"Yeah, I am."

"You're not; you're fourteen!"

"Dad; I'm fifteen!" she exclaimed. "I'm almost finished ninth grade!"

Frank shook his head. "I know how old you are!"

"Dad, I was born in 1951!" Johanna nearly yelled. "It's 1966, that makes me fifteen…Frankie will be eighteen, I'm three years younger than Frankie; Colleen will be thirteen in April; I'm two years older than Colleen. I'm fifteen!"

Frank glanced at his son who nodded. "She's fifteen, Dad," Frankie stated; "I do know that for sure."

Great, Frank thought to himself…he not only forgot her birthday, he botched her age as well and brought her home a cake that he hadn't taken the time to examine at the bakery to make sure everything was correct. Yeah, this fatherhood thing was going really well, he thought sarcastically. Why the hell had he ever thought he'd be able to do this? What the hell had possessed Naomi to think that he could figure this out without her writing him detailed instructions?

"I'm sorry," he stated as he glanced at his daughter.

Johanna shrugged, shoving her hands into her pockets as she avoided his gaze. "It's okay," she said softly. "I can scrape the writing off the cake."

"I'll get another one tomorrow," Frank replied.

Johanna shook her head. "Bakeries are closed on Sundays…you don't have to worry about it."

He sighed deeply; he had disappointed her once again. "We've got presents," he said, trying to interject lightness into his tone. "Sit down; we'll give you your presents."

She sat down on the kitchen chair he pulled out for her; wondering if this could possibly go well when she had already been given a cake with the wrong age and misspelled name. Her father handed her a small box and she opened it, revealing a necklace with a charm in the shape of a cheerleader's megaphone. She already had a necklace like this…her grandfather had given her one for Christmas, only he had her name engraved on it. She forced a smile to her lips though, she couldn't tell her father that she already had one…after all, it would just be more proof that he didn't pay any attention to her given the fact that she had been wearing the necklace that Patrick McKenzie had given her nearly every day since Christmas. She was glad that it was tucked beneath the neck of her shirt…she had slipped it under while cleaning so it wouldn't get caught in anything. "Thanks, Dad; it's very pretty," she told him.

"You already have one of those," Colleen exclaimed. "Grandpa gave it to you for Christmas."

"It's not like this," Johanna said, giving her sister a sharp look.

"Yeah, it is," Colleen said, her fingers finding the delicate silver chain around Johanna's neck and pulling the charm from its hiding place. "See, it's the same charm, just Grandpa had your name put on it."

Johanna sighed. "Can you ever just keep your mouth shut?" she muttered.

Frank snatched the box from her hand. "You were going to sit there and pretend that you didn't already have one of these necklaces?!" he bellowed.

"It's not exactly the same," she replied; "My name isn't on that one…so technically it is different."

"It's the same damn necklace!" he exclaimed; "You were going to keep it instead of letting me return it to get my damn money back!"

She blew out a soft breath. "I didn't want to hurt your feelings…I wear the necklace Grandpa gave me nearly every day, I didn't want to make you feel bad for never noticing."

Frank snapped the lid of the box shut. "I'd rather know the truth! I don't need safe guarded from the truth! I'll get you something else. Colleen, give your sister her gift from you."

Colleen handed her the bag her gift was in and Johanna pulled out the record album that was inside, rolling her eyes as she did so. "Colleen; you know I hate this band," she said firmly. "I've told you a million times that I hate them."

"I thought you were joking," her sister lied.

"You know I wasn't! They are one of the most annoying bands on earth!"

"Well I like them!" Colleen exclaimed; "And if I have to listen to your records, I want it to be something I like!"

Johanna smiled and handed the record to her. "Here you go, Happy Birthday two months early, Colleen."

"Really?" her sister replied; "I can keep it?"

"Please do," she told her; thinking to herself that it wouldn't last long…she'd let Colleen listen to it once or twice and then that record would have an unfortunate accident.

"Colleen," Frank snapped; "Why did you buy your sister something you knew she didn't like!"

"I thought she'd change her mind," his youngest child said with a shrug as she read the back of the album.

He glared at her but it went unnoticed and so he shifted his attention to his son. "Frankie; give your sister her gift from you."

Frankie smirked at his sister as he handed over the bag he held. Johanna opened the bag and pulled out the small package, discovering a set of lipsticks. "Oh, this is that new set I read about in the magazine," she said, a small smile touching her lips as she studied the item.

"Yeah; I thought you might need some lipstick so you'll be ready when you ask the next guy to kiss you," Frankie said with a laugh.

Her smile faded; fury and embarrassment rushing through her veins as she eyed him. "Why don't you give it to Tanya, that way at least she'll have something on when she's laying in the backseat of your car!" she yelled as she hurled the item at him.

The lipstick set bounced off his chest and he laughed as they fell to the floor. She couldn't take another second of being in that room with them, Johanna thought to herself as she got up from her chair and ran from the room, bounding upstairs to her room and slamming the door shut.

Fury was written across Frank's face as he turned toward his children. "I asked one goddamn thing of you two," he stated; his tone low and even. "I asked you to get your sister a gift she would like…but could you do that? No…no you couldn't do that one little thing. You had to give her something you knew she wouldn't like," he said, jerking the album out of Colleen's hand; "And you are not keeping it for yourself, you little brat. It's going back to the store and I will find her something she will like."

"You're the one who bought her the same necklace," Colleen retorted; "And got her age wrong."

"I know that!" he yelled; "Do you think I need you to point it out, you little twit? You're the most selfish little girl I've ever seen in my life. Your sister buys you a gift every year; something she'll know you'll like and you can't even return the favor because you're too busy being petty about the fact that she doesn't like to have you up her ass every minute of her life. Well guess what, Colleen; she'll be leaving for college in three years and you can't go with her! You need to start growing up and quit being such a big damn baby about everything; I've had it! Your little stunt today just got you another three days of being grounded; so now you're up to four weeks and three days…would you like to try for a full five weeks?!"

"No," Colleen cried.

"Quit your damn whining and get this table set for dinner; you couldn't buy your sister a decent gift so tonight you'll be her special little helper. You're setting the table; you're drying the dishes and putting them away."

"I don't want to do the dishes!"

"I don't really give a damn what you want!" he yelled; "I said you're doing it and if you don't; you'll be grounded for six weeks."

"I hate you!" Colleen yelled as she stomped off toward the cupboards.

"Now you've bought yourself that full five weeks," Frank stated; "Congratulations; keep going and you'll be grounded for your birthday."

Colleen grumbled something under her breath but Frank ignored her as he turned toward his son. "And you," he stated; "She probably would've liked your gift if you had kept your big mouth shut!"

Frankie shrugged. "It's not my fault that she can't take a joke."

"You didn't need to make a damn joke," he seethed. "You just had to ruin it…so let's see how you like having things ruined; you're not going out tonight or tomorrow."

"I'm almost eighteen years old; you can't ground me!"

"You want to bet?" Frank exclaimed. "You're still a minor, living under my roof; I'll ground you every other day if I want to. You'll be staying home tonight; and tomorrow you can start working on cleaning out the garage like I've been asking you to do for months."

"This isn't fair!" Frankie retorted. "You're the one who screwed up and you want to punish everyone else. If you hadn't sent us on to the store while you were in the bakery; I could've told you that you got her age wrong…and you ought to know by now that Mom always checks the cakes before she leaves the bakery to make sure they're right. Everyone knows that Grandpa gave Johanna that cheerleading necklace and that she's been wearing it every day since Christmas; all you had to do was ask and we would've said she already had one. It's not my fault you don't know anything about her; you're her father, you're supposed to know all the crap about her but you don't and then want to get mad at us when it blows up in your face. It's not my fault that you don't pay attention to her."

Frank glared at him. "Like you do? You think just because you're nearly eighteen you know it all, boy? You don't know a damn thing about running a company, being a husband and a father to three kids who think they don't have to give you an ounce of respect unless it suits them! Everything you have, you have because of me and don't you ever forget that. Don't you ever stand up and tell me I don't know my daughter; I know more than you do."

"Oh yeah?" his son retorted; "When is her birthday? How old is she? What jewelry does she own? What grade is she in? Do you even know her middle name?"

Frank's eyes blazed with fire. "You keep running your mouth and I'm going to kick your ass for you, son; because I think you might need it."

Frankie shrugged. "You didn't answer the question."

"Her birthday is February 4th and her middle name is Elizabeth in honor of your aunt Bridget. Her eyes are green, her hair is dark brown, she's in ninth grade and her grade point average is higher than yours. Now, Mr. Smartass; I've answered your question and then some…and you'll be staying in until Tuesday now," he said with a sardonic smile. "You'll pick up Colleen from school Monday and come straight home and stay here. Oh, and tonight, after dinner, make sure you take out the garbage."

Frankie growled in annoyance and stalked from the room, nearly colliding with Johanna as she came down the stairs. "I hope you're happy, mouthy; everyone is grounded because of you."

"I didn't do anything to you," she retorted; tears laying in her eyes that she hadn't allowed herself to shed upstairs. "I'm grounded too in case you forgot."

"You deserve it; I don't! I'm grounded because you're a big baby who can't take a joke."

"I can take a joke," Johanna replied; "I've been living with one as a brother for fifteen years."

Her brother glared at her. "I ought to punch you in the mouth."

"Go ahead," she told him; "I'm going to punch you back when you do."

Frankie scoffed. "You think you can take me?"

Johanna's brow arched as her chin jutted upwards. "Yeah; I think I can."

"Bring it on, you little cheerleader," he retorted.

"You're the one who wants to fight, you swing first," Johanna retorted; "Unless you're too much of a chicken to do it."

"That's enough," Frank said as he stepped into the room. "No one is hitting anyone tonight unless it's me beating the asses of all three of you! Frankie, get upstairs and work on your homework until dinner is ready; Johanna, get in the kitchen and tend to dinner; Colleen's in there setting the table and ready to accept any other little job you have for her. I'm going to my office and I don't want to hear a damn word out of any of you until dinner!"

His children went off in the directions he had sent him and Frank exhaled a heavy breath; he must've been crazy to have children…he must've been love sick and insane when Naomi looked at him that night nearly nineteen years ago with those blue eyes of hers and said _"Frank; I want a baby…a little boy; wouldn't you like to have a son?". _He should've known he was in deep, deep trouble…he should've known that she wouldn't be satisfied with just one baby…no…they had gotten their son and she had reveled for awhile and then started dropping hints again…_"wouldn't it be nice to have a little girl in the house? Wouldn't you like to have a pretty little daughter?" _They had their boy and then their girl…and then Naomi had gotten funny and slipped Colleen in on him…there hadn't been any hints for a third baby; she had been far too wrapped up in the two she had and he had breathed easy…but then she had to slip in that third one without warning…and he was still sure it was Sophia Calabrese's fault for putting the eye on him.

Another breath crossed his lips as he headed toward his office; he didn't mind being a father most of the time…but he sure did mind it when Naomi wasn't home…and Sophia was away and unable to step in and take control of the girls. He was completely on his own this time and he hated it. Naomi needed to come home; he couldn't do this. He wasn't any good at it and he didn't want to do it. She wanted babies; she needed to come home and work her mama magic, fix things for Johanna, stay on top of Colleen's math grade and keep Frankie trembling in fear with that sharp look that always gave him pause before he opened his mouth. She needed to come home and take care of him…if her stay in the hospital lasted much longer; she was going to come home to three unhappy kids, a messy house and a drunk husband and he wasn't sure she'd appreciate any of those things. He just couldn't do it; he needed his wife.

* * *

Johanna felt proud of the meal she had put on the table awhile later; the lasagna had cooked well, she had gotten the breadsticks to turn out and she felt her salad was good. She was hoping her father would enjoy it since he hadn't seemed impressed with the meal she had provided the night before…or the breakfast she had made that morning. She was sure she had gotten dinner right though; her grandmother had taught her how to make the lasagna; but she still had consulted her mother's recipe book to make sure she got everything right. It tasted good…her siblings were eating without complaint…so surely he would like it too.

"You put too much cheese on this," Frank said gruffly, breaking the silence that filled the kitchen.

For the second time in hours, Johanna felt her heart fall as disappointment slammed into her. "I only put a pinch more than Mom does," she said softly; "Sometimes it doesn't seem like it has enough."

Frank eyed her. "So now, at the tender age of fifteen, you think you're more of an expert on cooking than your mother?"

"No," Johanna replied; "I did it the way Grandma taught me…she uses more cheese than Mom does."

"I prefer your mother's way," he stated. "You must have a different definition of a pinch than I do."

"You don't like my lasagna?" she asked, a note of hurt in her voice that she couldn't hide no matter how desperately she wanted to.

"It's not as bad as the waffles were," Frank muttered as he used his fork to pull some of the cheese off of his lasagna. "You didn't toast the breadsticks as long as I like and you put too much dressing on the salad. You've got a lot to learn from your mother. I'll be glad when she's home and back to preparing the food so I have a decent meal."

Johanna lowered her head, her appetite disappearing as tears pooled in her eyes. It didn't matter what she did; she'd never please him…how long was it going to take for her to learn that? The tears slipped down her cheeks without permission and she forced herself to be silent so he wouldn't notice as she pushed her salad around with her fork.

"What are you crying for!?" Frank snapped; catching sight of a tear as it rolled off her cheek.

"Because I tried really hard!" she cried; "I tried so hard to make something you like and you just always hate it! I don't know why you keep making me cook when you hate everything I make for you!"

"I didn't say I hated it; I said I prefer your mother's version."

"Which is the same as saying you hate it," she shot back. "If you ever liked anything I did, I'd probably die from the shock!"

Frank blew out a disgruntled breath. "Don't get dramatic, Johanna; all I did was tell you the truth; you still have some learning to do. I'm sure that by the time you're ready to be a wife, you'll be a better cook…as long as you keep listening to your mother; but you're not there yet. You're not going to learn if I don't tell you what you did wrong. I don't like a lot of cheese; so to me, this isn't as good as it could have been. The breadsticks could be toasted a bit more; the salad needs less dressing. As for the waffles this morning…just don't ever make them again; that's a lost cause. Now quit your bawling and eat your dinner; you like it, so you eat it."

She swiped at her cheeks but the tears continued to fall. "I like the extra cheese," Frankie stated, his tone somewhat quiet.

"Really?" she asked, glancing down the table at him.

"Yeah," her brother said with a nod, showing her his empty plate. "Can I have more?"

She nodded, managing a small smile for him as she got up and grabbed his plate, taking it to the counter and slicing him another piece of lasagna.

"Thanks," Frankie said as she put the plate back in front of him.

"You're welcome," she replied softly.

"I like the dressing on the salad," her brother said as she returned to her chair. "I didn't have to add more so I could taste it."

Johanna glanced at him once more. "It's Grandma's dressing…I like using a little more of it than Mom does."

Frankie nodded. "Yeah; I like tasting the dressing more than the lettuce…then I can forget that I'm eating a salad. I usually hate the croutons but they're not bad in this because there's a little bit of dressing on them too so it makes them taste better."

"What about the breadsticks?" Johanna couldn't help but ask.

"They're good," her brother stated. "They don't need to be toasted to death to be good."

Frank glanced down the table at his son. "Well look who's suddenly a supportive brother," he said sarcastically.

Frankie's jaw tightened. "I'm not lying to her; I like her food."

"It's just funny how supportive you're being when just a little while ago you wanted to punch her."

Frankie shrugged. "So what? I like the food; just because you don't doesn't mean no one else can."

"I didn't say you couldn't like it," their father spat; "It just seems like a sudden turn of events."

"Whatever," his son stated as he sunk his fork into his second helping of lasagna.

Frank glanced at Johanna. "Well, at least your brother was able to stop your bawling. I swear, you can't say a damn thing to you some days."

Johanna's eyes narrowed as she glanced at her father. "Since my meals don't please you; you can cook tomorrow."

"Don't start your running your mouth, Johanna; I can extend your grounding."

"Go ahead," she said as she pushed her chair back from the table.

"Where do you think you're going?" Frank asked.

"I'm going to start cleaning up," she replied. "I'm done."

"Your sister isn't done and I told her she's supposed to help you," her father stated.

"But I have to do my math homework," Colleen whined. "You said I had to do three more assignments tonight…it'll take me all night if I have to help do the dishes."

He had forgotten that, Frank thought to himself. "Fine; you're off the hook this time but you better have those assignments done by the time I come upstairs tonight."

"I will," Colleen said happily; glad to have gotten out of the dish washing.

Johanna rolled her eyes as she moved to the counter to begin cleaning up the leftovers. "Do you want me to throw the rest of lasagna away?" she asked.

"Well I'm sure as hell not going to eat it," Frank remarked.

"I'll eat it," Frankie stated. "Save it for me."

She nodded and set about putting the leftover pieces away for brother; he might be a jerk but at least he never complained about what she fed him, Johanna thought to herself. At least that was one good thing she could say about him.

By the time she had the leftover food dealt with; her father gave up on his dinner and scrapped it into the trash before putting his dishes in the sink. "I'll be in my office," he stated.

"What else is new?" Johanna muttered before she could stop herself.

"What's the supposed to mean?" Frank asked.

She smirked at him. "It means that you don't have to tell us…we know you're always in there when Mom isn't home. We're not stupid."

"That might be a matter of opinion at times," her father retorted. "If you slice the cake for dessert, bring me a piece."

"I'm not slicing that cake," Johanna retorted; hurt rippling through her as she thought of that cake with the wrong age and her name misspelled…the botched attempt to celebrate her birthday that she was sure her mother had demanded.

"You said you could scrape the writing off!" he thundered.

"Yeah; I can…but I'm not," she yelled back. "If you want it; you slice it yourself; I probably wouldn't do it right in your opinion; after all, nothing I ever do is good enough for you."

"Oh here we go," he said; "You're going to pout some more…well I'm not going to stand here and listen to it. I apologized about your birthday. I tried to give you a little celebration, things went wrong; deal with it like everyone else. Yes, I told you that you don't cook as well as your mother; it was the truth, get over it and act like a lady. Now I'm going to my office; put another pot of coffee on so I can have a cup later."

"Fine," she said through clenched teeth as Colleen and Frankie carried their dishes to the sink and fled the room.

Soon Johanna found herself alone; frustration and disappointment stirring in her soul; making her feel a multitude of emotions that she didn't want to feel or deal with. Fifteen just wasn't going to be her year…she could feel it in her bones; it just wasn't going to be her year.

* * *

Frank was sitting at his desk, listening to the silence of the house as he ignored the papers on the desk in front of him. He was hiding…he could admit that to himself; and he had a feeling that his daughter had been implying that she knew it too. He breathed deeply and exhaled the heavy breath; he had botched things again…and he hated the frustration he felt in regard to it. Frank McKenzie didn't like failure…and he had been failing ever since Naomi had been admitted to the hospital. The phone on his desk rang and he grabbed it before any of his children could make the run for it. "Hello," he said gruffly.

"Frank," his wife answered.

He released a breath. "Hello, dear; is everything alright?"

"I'm fine," she answered. "How are things at home this evening?"

"About as expected," he answered. "I really hope you out live me because I can't do this without you, Naomi."

"Frank, don't talk that way," she admonished.

"Well it's the truth. I'm no good at running a house and dealing with these kids."

"From what I've heard; Johanna's running the house, you're just giving the orders."

"Is that what she told you? You said you were going to call while we were out but she didn't mention any calls."

"Yes, I called…and I know she's our eldest daughter and expected to take over when I'm not home…but she is just a girl, Frank. You're putting a lot of pressure on her and you don't offer any reassurance. She's doing the best she can…did you have to hurt her feelings about the waffles?"

"I didn't like them; she must've done something wrong," he stated. "I'm not going to mollycoddle her; I told her the truth. I didn't know she was going to cry to her mommy about it. I guess that's why she started bawling at dinner."

"What did you do to her at dinner?" Naomi demanded to know.

"I told her the truth; she put too much cheese on the lasagna; there was too much dressing on the salad and the breadsticks could've been toasted more."

"Oh, Frank," Naomi muttered in exasperation. "I encouraged her to make that meal; I told her you'd be happy with it. She was trying to please you!"

"Well she failed."

"What about Frankie and Colleen? Did they eat it?"

"Frankie ate two pieces of the lasagna and all of his salad and four breadsticks."

"He ate all of his salad? That's a first," his wife remarked.

"Apparently he liked that his sister drowned it in dressing so he didn't taste as much of the lettuce. He also stated that he likes extra cheese…and your heir to the throne declared that she made the lasagna Sophia's way because sometimes, she doesn't think you put enough cheese on it. As for Colleen, she cleaned her plate."

"Then I'd say the problem was you, Frank," Naomi remarked. "I don't put a lot of cheese on the lasagna because I know you complain about it…but the kids like cheese…and it's no secret that my mother is the one who taught Johanna how to make lasagna in the first place…so of course she did it that way, I've never told her not to because there's nothing wrong with my mother's way. It's the same lasagna; it just has a little more cheese on it. As for the salad; if Frankie ate it, then I'm all for it since he rarely eats all of a salad. You don't like a lot of dressing…but you know what, some of us do. I cater to you, Frank…apparently your daughter caters to the likes of her and her siblings and as long as they cleaned their plates, then I say she did a good job."

"Johanna didn't clean hers; she started her bawling and got up to clean up halfway through."

"I'm not surprised. Did you get her a cake like I told you?"

"Yeah; and it was a disaster," Frank replied before telling her about the incident with the cake.

"For God's sake, Frank; you're supposed to check it before you leave the bakery!"

"You didn't tell me that!"

"You should know! Just like you should know her age! She's fifteen!"

He huffed a little. "Good; that puts her closer to eighteen."

"And you wonder why she has an attitude with you all the time?" Naomi remarked. "She gives you attitude because of the way you act and the way you treat her. Did you at least buy her a damn gift?"

Frank explained how the gift giving situation went and then cringed a little at her disgruntled sigh. "Really, Frank? You haven't noticed the necklace she's been wearing for months that _your father _gave her? The necklace that you took a picture of her opening? And what were you thinking not checking Frankie and Colleen's gifts before they were paid for and asking why they had picked what they did?"

"I told you I didn't know how to do this," he snapped. "You should've told me what to do!"

"I shouldn't have to, Frank! You're her father; you should know what to do. You know part of your problem with Johanna is that you don't take any time to spend with her. You don't sit down for five minutes and just talk to her. You talk to Frankie; you talk to him about his plans, his future place at the company, the ideas he has that he's hoping can be used when he joins you…you two talk about all kind of things; but you never try that with your daughters. You never ask Johanna anything about herself…you never listen to her when she's upset or hurt or angry…you just deem it unworthy of notice, yell, ground, whatever. Maybe if you ever took an interest in her, you'd know what to do in these situations. You could've turned this around but instead you did the bare minimum and let it crash and burn again…so I'm telling you again; figure it out and fix it, Frank…because if you don't; she's going to be convinced that you don't give a damn about her and I've spent the last fifteen years trying to convince her otherwise…do your part and prove to her that you can make it better for once. Can you just do that? Can you just think about everything you've heaped on her this week and how you've forgotten her birthday, proved that you don't pay attention…and then critiqued her cooking because it's not up to your standards. She likes to cook and you're going to discourage her from doing it!"

"What do you want me to do, Naomi!?" he exclaimed.

"I just told you," she said slowly; "I told you to think…think about everything that's been put on her shoulders this week; going to school, taking care of the house and Colleen, listening to you critique everything, that boy lying about her, forgetting her birthday, her correct age and then being handed gifts that had no thought or feeling attached to them. You think about how you don't know your own daughter…and then you figure out a way to make this all better. You don't have a choice, Frank; you have to do something besides sitting behind your desk and letting the chips fall where they may."

He sighed heavily. "Can't you just tell me what to do? Can't you spell it out for me?"

"Frank; sometimes you have to figure it out for yourself. Think about her…think about how she's a fifteen year old girl who gets her heart broken easily. Think about how she spends half her life convinced that her father doesn't care about her…that he doesn't like her…find a way to prove to her that you do; that could be the best gift you could give her…and maybe you could find it within you to tell her that you love her and that you know she's doing the best she can to take care of things in my absence."

"I've already heard her dramatics about being the slave girl and Cinderella," he remarked. "She's already told me to leave her alone like I always do; and those are her words not mine. She just wants someone to coddle her…and that's your job because you're the one who has always done it."

"Fine, Frank," Naomi said sharply; "I'll take care of it when I get home; I'll make it up to her…because let's face it, for the majority of the past fifteen years, she's been my kid and mine alone. So I'll make it up to her…I wouldn't want you to have to strain yourself. If this had to happen, I'm glad it was her fifteenth and not her sixteenth; because I will not allow anything to ruin her sweet sixteen next year. Not you. Not anyone. So don't worry; you sit there in your chair and let your daughter feel terrible and I'll pick up the pieces when I get home like I always do…and I'll get Colleen back on track with school and I'll fix your meals to your specifications and you can just sit back and hide behind your newspaper while I do it all like I always do."

"It's not like that, Naomi," he said tersely.

"The hell it isn't," she retorted; "But it's fine; I'm used to it…so just go back to your newspaper or your work and I'll take care of my kids when I get home; because one way or another, I am coming home Monday, I don't give a damn what that doctor says about rest and healing. I'm coming home to my kids and then I'll be able to rest…because I sure as hell can't rest here while worrying about them."

'You'll stay there until the doctor is satisfied that you're well," Frank said firmly. "You know that things were bad when they took you into surgery; your appendix was ready to burst and there was a small indication of infection…which I didn't tell the kids. They only knew that you had a fever. The doctor wants to make sure you're out of danger for infection; so you're staying put. He said he might release you Wednesday or Thursday; and then you'll come home and rest."

"I don't have time to rest," Naomi replied.

"Yeah; that's what my mother always said…look where she's at."

His wife blew out a breath. "I just need to take care of my kids. If my mother was there, I wouldn't worry so much…she would've done fixed everything or kept it from happening in the first place…but she's got her own problems right now. She needs to be with Nona and I need to be with my kids."

"I'm taking care of things, Naomi," he said tersely.

"No, you're not. You're delegating tasks like you do at work and anything you deem beneath notice of management gets brushed aside. You can't brush our kids aside."

"I haven't!"

"It didn't sound that way when I was talking to my daughter this afternoon."

He sighed deeply. "So what am I supposed to do, Naomi?"

"Ease up on her, Frank; quit being so hard on her, she's trying…and you need to try too. Can you just try with her? Please?"

He closed his eyes, hating that pleading note in her tone that always ignited a sense of guilt in him. "Alright…I'll try…I can't promise I'll get it right but I'll try…again."

"That's all I ask," Naomi replied. "Just do something instead of nothing for a change…just try."

* * *

A short while later, Frank was still in his office trying to figure out what he was supposed to do in regard to his middle child. Why couldn't his wife just give him a clear answer? He was just supposed to figure it out on his own with no guidance. It didn't seem right or fair. He sighed deeply, it seemed like he might be in the same boat with his daughter on that feeling…after all, he was sure Johanna felt that most things weren't right or fair the last few days. Funny how that worked out, he mused.

Frank glanced at the family portrait that hung on the wall across from his desk; the kids were so little on it, he thought to himself. Frankie had been eight, Johanna five, and Colleen three. Good lord, it had been ten years since the photo had been taken. Things had been simpler then; disputes more easily settled, hurts easily soothed with the promise of an ice cream or some little toy. But now it was so much harder. His son was nearly a grown man; he'd be leaving home in the fall, moving into a dorm at NYU. Colleen was entering her teen years, desperate to catch up with her sister and yet also desperate to cling to her babyish ways.

Then there was Johanna...fifteen…not quite a woman and yet not a little girl either. She was caught in between; expected to do a woman's work and deal with the issues of a woman…all the while still being a school girl who wanted to eat pizza and go skating with a gaggle of girls to giggle with about boys and rock bands and whatever else young girls talked about. Why hadn't he let her go when she asked? Maybe if he had just set her free for a few hours Friday night things wouldn't have gotten so bad…but there was nothing to be done about it now; the skating rink would be closed tomorrow and he didn't imagine her friends would be excused from Sunday dinner in favor of pizza slices.

So what was he going to do? Better yet, what would Naomi do? He frowned a little; Naomi would talk to her…allow her to spew all of her overly dramatic teenage angst and then she'd promise her something grand for her next birthday…all the while thinking up a way to give her something better for this birthday. He pushed himself out of his chair; there was no point in putting it off…even if he did believe that it would end up being pointless.

Frank went upstairs first to make sure Colleen was still working on her math and that Frankie hadn't snuck out. Both children were accounted for and made his way back downstairs in search of his eldest girl, expecting to find her at the kitchen table but the room was empty. He sighed, his gaze moving to the back of the kitchen where the basement door was…they all thought he didn't know her, but he did, he mused as he made his way to the door and opened it.

He made his way down to the basement, picking up the soft sounds of the shortwave radio as the dim light of the laundry area greeted his eyes. His eldest girl didn't think that he or Naomi knew that the basement was her hiding place when she was seeking an escape from everyone but he knew more than she thought he did. He found her curled up in the corner of the old sofa, a textbook in her lap as her bare foot tapped against the cushion in time with the song on the radio. She glanced up at him as he approached, annoyance on her face at having her sanctuary breached. "What did I forget to do now?" she asked.

"Nothing," Frank replied as he grabbed a chair from the small table that Naomi used when sorting the laundry or folding it. "I just thought that since you've taken to hiding in the basement that maybe we should talk."

"I'm not hiding; I like it down here," she retorted, her gaze returning to her textbook.

"Why is that?" he asked; "It's kind of dim and drafty down here."

"I've got a blanket if I get cold," Johanna said with a nod at the lightweight blanket at the opposite end of the sofa.

"I see that; but it doesn't answer my question."

Johanna huffed a little. "I like it down here because no one comes down here; if there was a bathroom down here I'd live here."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Seriously?" she scoffed.

Frank shrugged a little. "It's not like you tell me much about what's going on in your head."

"That's because you never want to hear it…or you tell me to shut up…or that I don't have the sense God gave a goose…or whatever else you come up with."

"Well I'm listening now; why would you live down here if it had a bathroom?"

"So I could have some peace!" Johanna exclaimed. "Do you think sharing a room with Colleen is easy? She's always in my space; always wanting to know what I'm doing, where I'm going, who I'm going with, if she can go and so on. I don't have any privacy! Every time I'm in the bathroom her or Frankie is pounding on the door wanting me to get out; I have to take the fastest baths in history; if I want to wash my hair or shave my legs I have to wait until they're both in bed and then sneak over and get my shower so I can do it in peace. Colleen's always trying to take my clothes, my perfume, my makeup. I have nothing to myself! I can't wait to move out of here!"

"You've got awhile to go," her father remarked.

"Yeah, I know; and then I'll be moving into a dorm so I'll still be sharing a room and a bathroom…it's going to be years before I can have my own place to myself."

"You should be grateful for the home you have, the home I provide for you by getting up and going to work every day," he said, a touch of tartness in his tone. "You have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, a mother who coddles you, a sister who adores you, a brother who looks after you…"

"This is why I don't say anything," she interrupted; "You always make it something it isn't. I never said I wasn't grateful; I said I don't have any privacy! You think you punished me today by going off and leaving me home alone? Well you didn't; today was the most peace I've had since I came out of the womb!"

That was probably true, Frank thought to himself as he forced himself to stay silent. He supposed that she didn't have much privacy or time to herself; she had been someone's sister since the day she was born…she hadn't had her own room since she was two years old; probably didn't even recall what it had been like to sleep in that room by herself. She had to share nearly everything she had whether she wanted to or not.

Johanna couldn't stand the weight of his stare as he sat there in silence; most likely judging her, she couldn't help but think. '"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. Add a few more days to my grounding if you want…that's probably why you came down here anyway."

"Is that what you think?" he asked.

She glanced at him. "Well, that's usually the only time you come looking for me…it's either to yell or to tell me to get a move on…I'm sure you're not down here because you suddenly missed my presence."

"I told you, I came down here to talk," Frank replied; trying to find some patience but as his grandmother had always told him, it wasn't one of his virtues.

"About what? How much you hate everything I cook? You found more lint on the carpet? I didn't dry a fork enough? Someone blamed me for something else? What is it? Just tell me and ground me so I can get back to studying my Spanish."

"I'm not here to ground you!" he exclaimed.

"Then what chore did I forget?"

"I told you, you didn't forget anything!"

"Then I don't know why you're here or what you're going to talk about."

"You really think that I only talk to you to ground you or yell about chores?" Frank asked.

Johanna nodded. "Yeah, pretty much…the only other thing is asking me if I got my homework done…which the stuff that's due Monday is done and my English paper is started but I have until Friday to finish it. I just have to study for my Spanish test."

His daughter really thought that he didn't talk to her, Frank thought to himself; but it wasn't true…he talked to her…didn't he? "I guess it's too late for you to make your game tonight," he stated.

"Yeah; it started at six…and besides; I called my coach this morning and told her I wouldn't be there. She thinks I'm lying about being needed at home and now I'm benched from the next game…which if they lose and don't make the championship games, it'll be the last one of the season."

So he had cost her the end of her season…maybe he could at least fix that. "After I talk to Colleen's math teacher on Monday; I'll call your coach and explain that you weren't lying to her, that I did need you at home…and I'll ask her to lift your punishment since it was my doing and not yours. Would that help?"

She kept her gaze on her book as she nodded. "Yeah…but I don't know if it'll change anything; she doesn't excuse many things."

"She damn well better excuse this one," Frank stated. "If she doesn't, I'll go over her head to the principal or to her boss at the school board; whatever it takes."

"She'd probably kick me off the team if you went to the principal."

"And then I'd have her job," he remarked; "She'd be sorry, mark my words."

Johanna doubted that he'd really call her coach and explain anything so she merely nodded to appease him, figuring that speaking her opinion wasn't worth getting days added to her grounding.

Frank shifted on his chair, watching as she gave her attention back to her textbook. What was he supposed to say? Should he ask about school or just get right to the birthday thing? He pondered that question for a long moment and decided that he'd rather put off the birthday thing for a little longer…maybe he could form a better plan in the meantime…and people kept saying he knew nothing about his middle child, that he never talked to her…so maybe he had to prove that wrong. "Is…uh…everything going okay at school? I know high school isn't always a picnic."

"It's fine," she replied; "At least until Monday…I'm sure Joel will spread his lies by then and make me the biggest joke of the whole school but that's okay, right? Because boys always get to do what they want. They get to lie and everyone believes them…and all girls get to hear is 'well you have to be careful with that you say because boys take things in a different way'…or my favorite, being called a tramp."

Frank closed his eyes for a second. "Johanna…"

"Don't," she said harshly. "Just don't…we both know you meant it. You always believe everyone over me. Joel and Frankie can twist everything around and you just believe them," she remarked, her voice cracking. "I've never even kissed a boy and you called me a tramp!"

"You haven't?" Frank asked, relief spreading through him.

"No!" she cried. "The only thing I've ever done is hold hands…and I've danced with boys but I haven't done anything else!"

"Good; that's wonderful; you're a good girl," he said, his relief at the knowledge that his daughter had not yet been tainted by a boy filled him with happiness. "I know you'll want to go out with a boy one day…sooner than I'd like…but you're a good girl, you keep doing what you're doing and you just…you know…don't rush into anything. Hand holding is always a nice, safe thing."

"For tramps like me?" she asked. "Because that's what you called me…you wouldn't even listen, you just believed Frankie and called me a tramp."

"I'm sorry," Frank said, a part of him aching at the hurt on her face. "I shouldn't have said that…I should've listened to your side. It was wrong for me to call you what I did…and it won't happen again."

Johanna scoffed as she swiped at her tears. "Why can't you ever just believe me? Am I really so terrible?"

"No, you're not terrible."

"Then why?" she cried. "Why do you always believe Frankie? He lies to you more than I ever have and yet his word is gold. Why does he get away with everything and I don't get away with anything?"

"I guess it's just different between fathers and daughters than it is between fathers and sons," he replied.

"It shouldn't be."

Frank blew out a breath. "I said I was sorry. I'll try to do better."

"Right; she retorted; "Just like the thing with Colleen trying to get into Joel's car…instead of listening, you just automatically make me the bad person. You make me the one who did wrong when all I was doing was trying to protect her. You weren't there; you did see the way he was looking at her or hear the things he was saying and how he was telling her that she didn't have to listen to me. You weren't there…but I was and it gave me a bad feeling. Grandma always says that you should never ignore those feelings so I didn't ignore it and I stopped her…and I'm the one who got in trouble."

"It just seemed like you overreacted when it was someone you knew," Frank replied. "Especially with bringing the police into it."

"I didn't call the cops! He was on patrol and pulled over when he saw us. If you would've called him, he would've told you that. But don't worry; I won't ever make the mistake again. I will never stop Colleen from getting into any car she wants to climb into. I don't care who it is. I'm sick of having to be her keeper; she's your kid, you deal with her. You take her to school and pick her up…because I'm not walking her anymore. I'm walking to school by myself and I'm walking home with my friends. I am done."

"Your brother will be driving Colleen home from school; you mother has made that very clear to both of them; so since he'll be bringing her home, you may as well get in the car too."

Johanna shook her head. "I'd rather walk; let him deal with her for a change."

"You'd rather walk in the cold than get in your brother's car?"

"Yeah, I would…I don't want to have to stand around and wait on him at the end of the school day. I'm never going to go looking for him again; that's how my whole day got ruined in the first place. I was looking for him so we could go get Colleen and come home…but no, I had to run into Joel and Frankie said he wasn't driving us and so we had to walk. If I had just gone ahead and left, none of it would have happened…so I'll just walk."

'That will be your choice," Frank stated; "But it seems like a stupid one when you could be in a nice warm car."

"Yeah, I know how stupid you think I am, Dad. God knows you tell me enough," she muttered as she looked back down at her book.

"I don't think you're stupid…I just sometimes think you do stupid things."

"I think it's the same thing."

Frank sighed. "I know you're not stupid; your grades prove that, you're going to get into a good college. Do you still want to be a lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Johanna glanced at him. "Because it feels right…because I like learning about laws and how they work…because lawyers help people too even though a lot of people don't seem to realize that. I like the idea of helping people make sure that their rights haven't been taken away from them; and if someone has taken their rights, then I can help them make those people be held responsible for it. I like the idea that I can put cases together and argue them…that I can win. I like the idea of working in a law office, of being in a courtroom…helping someone by making things fair based on the law. I just can't see doing anything else. Mom keeps wanting me to be a teacher but I just can't be that…it doesn't feel right…and that stupid guidance counselor thinks I should be a secretary…"

"You're too smart for that!" he exclaimed. "Don't listen to that twit…you can be a lawyer if you want to be one."

"I am going to be one," Johanna remarked. "Just wait and see."

He nodded. "I believe you…I know you can do it."

It was probably the only thing he thought she could do, Johanna mused as she once again gave her attention back to her book, wondering why he was really in the basement with her. She had to have forgotten to do something…or he was going to spring something on her. "I turned the coffee pot on like you wanted," she stated.

"I know, I saw it."

"I hope I made it correctly," she said tartly before she could stop herself.

Frank breathed deeply. "I know I hurt your feelings at dinner…and at breakfast…but you have to know when you haven't done something correctly. You're not up to your mother's caliber yet; you're still young, you'll get there…but I can't just lie to you and act like it's perfect."

"You don't have to act like it's terrible either," Johanna retorted. "It's not like I burned it or anything. I tried really hard to make dinner better like you wanted and you couldn't say one nice thing about it. I spent the whole day cleaning like you told me to and you couldn't say nothing nice about that either; all you said was that there was still lint on the carpet."

"What the hell do you want me to say, Johanna?" he asked sharply.

She shrugged. "I don't know…anything? You could acknowledge that I did what I was told…you could say thank you once in awhile…anything."

"Thank you?!" Frank scoffed. "You want to be thanked for doing your share? When do I ever get thanks for keeping a roof over your head, food in your stomach, clothes on your back? Do I ever get thanked? Does your mother? Who the hell do you think you are that you're entitled to gratitude?"

Johanna said nothing, shame coloring her cheeks. Why did she have to open her big mouth? Now she'd never hear the end of this. All she had wanted was for him to like something she did…but he didn't like anything…especially when it came to her.

"Answer me," he demanded.

"I'm no one," she murmured; "I'm sorry."

"You're damn right you're sorry. No one should have to kiss your ass in gratitude that you lifted a finger to do something around here. You're not special."

"I know," she said softly. "I just…"

"You just what?" Frank retorted; his tone tart and angry.

Johanna shook her head. "Nothing…it's stupid."

"I'll buy that," he remarked.

She bit back the tears that stung her eyes. "Are we finished now? I really need to study my Spanish…Mom always does it with me and she's not here so I need to really focus."

"No, we're not done,' he snapped.

"I'm sorry," she nearly whined. "Please don't add days to my grounding or I'm going to get kicked off the cheerleading squad and it's all I have…no matter how stupid you think it is."

Frank forced himself to take a breath; he hadn't come down here to do battle…and yet battles always sprung up so easily between them. "I came down here to talk about your birthday."

"What is there to talk about?" she asked. "It's over."

"I'm sorry about what happened…and I'm sorry about the cake being wrong…and the gift situation."

Johanna shrugged. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

Frank studied her for a long moment; apparently she had grown up enough to start using the phrase women everywhere used when things definitely weren't fine. "It's not fine…I know birthdays are important to young girls and we botched this one."

"It doesn't matter."

"It clearly does," he replied; "I think it's been a big part of your attitude problem the last few days."

Johanna scoffed. "It's not just my birthday; it's everything around here. It's how I always get treated."

"Listen," Frank said, ignoring her statement; "I'm going to make it up to you; next year for your birthday, I'll throw you one of those big fancy parties that girls have for their sixteenth birthday…sixteen; that's the big one, isn't?"

Johanna scoffed. "Yeah; right."

"I mean it," he said; "We'll give you one of those big parties…you can invite everyone in your class; we'll have it somewhere nice…maybe one of the hotel ballrooms…make it real fancy; you can even get a fancy dress and I'm sure your mother will lend you some of her best jewelry. Your friends will be green with envy."

"Sure, Dad; I just bet you'll throw me some big fancy birthday party."

Frank's jaw tightened. "You don't believe me?"

"No; I don't believe you. You didn't want to buy my cheerleading pictures; Grandpa had to pay for them; so why would I believe that you'd throw me some big fancy party that's going to cost way more than those pictures did?"

"You can believe it because I said so! I'm telling you that I'm going to make things up to you; I know, we all botched this birthday for you…but next year you'll be sixteen and I know that's important to a girl and I'll make sure it's the biggest and best party you ever had, I owe you one."

She scoffed once more. "Right; I just bet that's going to happen…by this time next year, Frankie will be in college and he'll probably need something for school, or Colleen will need to register for her spring dance classes and need new dance clothes, or you'll want a new car and I'll hear the same song I always hear 'you have to understand, Johanna'…because that's always how it is around here, I always have to understand and I'm the one who always get promised things and then I don't get them because Frankie's the oldest and his stuff is always the most important and Colleen's the baby and she has to be made to feel special all the time and I'm just the nothing in between that can always get the shaft. Everyone in this house will have a fancy party before I ever see one…and if I did have one; I'd probably have to share it with Colleen like I have to share everything else. So no, I don't believe a word you say because I know how this works…I'm always last and I always will be."

"That's not true," Frank stated.

"Yes, it is!"

He sighed deeply. "You know it's not…you're just being dramatic."

"Whatever."

"I'm not lying to you, Johanna; next year, you'll have a big sweet sixteen party…whatever you want for it, you'll have."

"Sure, Dad," she said, her tone indicating that she was just humoring him.

Frank sighed. "I promise."

"Okay," Johanna said, her gaze back on her book.

She didn't believe him, he thought to himself…it annoyed him and angered him…and yet he also understood why she didn't think he'd keep his word. There were times when she got the shaft because one of her siblings needed something more…times when he broke promises to her…and most of all, why should she believe him when she felt like he never believed her.

"Josie…what can I do to make this up to you for right now?"

Johanna shook her head. "There's nothing to do; my birthday is over. Just go back to forgetting it; that's what I'm going to do."

"If you could have anything you wanted right now, what would it be?"

"My own apartment," she answered.

Frank smirked; of course she had to pick something he couldn't give her. "You're that anxious to move out?"

"Yeah, I am."

He nodded. "You're in a hurry to get away from your sister?"

"Yeah; and my brother and my father," Johanna replied.

Frank's jaw tightened a little. "I'm glad you didn't sugar coat it and leave me off the list."

"Why should I? You don't want me around…you've never wanted me; so why pretend?"

"I never said I didn't want you."

"You don't have to!" Johanna yelled; "I'm not as stupid as you think, I know you've never wanted me; you don't even like me! You didn't even want to hold my hand when I was a little girl. The only thing I'm good for to you is being your substitute housekeeper when Mom's sick and babysitting Colleen; other than that you don't care about me."

"That's not true! I care about you; if I didn't I wouldn't be sitting here right now, would I?"

She shrugged. "Mom probably yelled at you for forgetting my birthday."

He glared at her. "You just think you know everything, don't you?"

"Well it's probably the truth; she probably did get mad at you."

"This isn't about your mother," Frank retorted. "I'm down here because I want to be and I have never, ever said I didn't care about you. I know we have our…difficulties…but it doesn't mean I don't care. It's been a bad week; I was probably harder on you than I should've been. I hurt your feelings about your cooking and by forgetting your birthday but I'm trying to make it up to you."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you to do," Johanna replied. "I don't know anything…and Mom said she'll take me to get something when she gets home, you don't need to worry about it."

"Well I do," he said tartly. "So pick something!"

She sighed deeply, frustration flicking in her veins; she just needed to pick something. "I want to get my ears pierced."

He didn't really like the thought of it but he figured they were her ears, if she wanted a hole punched through them so be it; Naomi's ears were pierced, there was no legitimate reason to say no. "Fine; but you're not letting one of your friends do it. I'll ask Bess if she knows someone who knows how to do it right. I don't want you getting an infection because some teenager didn't sterilize the needle long enough."

"Okay."

"I'll do my best to get someone to do it for you this week," Frank stated.

"Okay."

He breathed deeply; it didn't seem like enough to make up for the week they had been having…the hurt that had been caused. "What's the first thing you're going to do when you have your place?" he asked.

Johanna glanced at him. "I'm going to fill the bathtub with bubbles and take the longest bath of my life. I'm just going to soak in that tub for as long as I want without anyone beating on the door telling me to get out because they want in there. I might even listen to my records while I'm in there and I won't have to listen to anyone complain that it isn't the song they want to listen to. I'm going to wash my hair and shave my legs in peace."

"And after that?"

"Then I'm going to watch TV…the shows I want to watch, and I won't have to hear anyone complain or make fun of them…and I'll eat what I want, when I want."

Frank nodded; could he work with those things? Could he find away to give her a little reprieve; to let her have some of that peace she sought so badly? He was starting to form an idea but he'd need to clear it with someone else before he mentioned it. "I'll be back," he stated as he got up from his chair.

Johanna sighed. "I'm going to have to start studying in the garage," she muttered.

"No, it's too cold out there," Frank stated as he made his way back to the steps. "Study while I'm gone…but I'll be back."

"Can't hardly wait," she mumbled, wondering where this was going and if she should be worried.

* * *

A short while later, after making a few calls, Frank stuck a bow on Naomi's bottle of bubble bath that he had found under the bathroom sink and carried it back to the basement. Johanna glanced up at the sound of his footsteps, forcing herself to suppress a sigh as he neared her.

"Here," Frank said, holding the bottle out to her.

Johanna took the bottle and read the label. "Thanks…I'll save this for my future apartment because I'll never get to take a peaceful bubble bath here."

"You're not using it here; go pack."

Her eyes widened. "You got me my own apartment?"

Frank smirked. "You're not that lucky."

"Then where am I going?"

"Your grandfather's house…he's out of town on business. I can't let you stay somewhere unsupervised so it's the best I can do; Alma's been staying there to keep an eye on things so she'll be there to chaperone so to speak but don't worry, she'll be downstairs and you'll be upstairs in Bridget's old room. You'll like that room…its big; it has a TV and its own bathroom. Your gift from me is your own place until you go to school Monday morning."

It felt too good to be true, Johanna thought as she clutched the bottle of bubbles. "Really?" she murmured.

Frank nodded. "Yeah…you have what's left of the weekend off in name of your birthday."

"But…who's going to cook here?"

Frank sighed. "Me."

"Who's going to wash the dishes and clean?"

"Colleen," he answered.

A smile tugged at her lips. "Good luck with that."

"Oh she'll do it or she won't see her allowance for an even longer span of time."

"Who's going to watch Colleen…you said she's my responsibility."

"Me," he replied; "And Frankie."

"Am I still grounded while I'm away?"

Frank shook his head. "In light of recent circumstances, I'm going to do away with the rest of your grounding. I'll give you money to get the pizza you wanted for your dinner tomorrow. Go pack your stuff, take the portable record player and your records…take the longest bath of your life and do whatever other girl stuff you want to do on your own."

Johanna hesitated for a moment. "Do I still get my ears pierced or is that off now?"

Frank shook his head. "You can get it done as soon as I find someone responsible to do it. Now get a move on, you're wasting your evening."

She smiled brightly as she grabbed her book and ran up the stairs to go pack what she'd need for the rest of the weekend.

* * *

"I don't know why I can't go!" Colleen exclaimed as Johanna pulled on her coat in the entry way while Frank stood by holding her belongings.

"Because that would defeat the purpose, Colleen," their father retorted. "My gift to your sister is a small reprieve. She's growing up, she'd like some privacy once in awhile…and God knows you rarely ever give her any."

"It's not fair!" his youngest child cried. "She gets to go stay at Grandpa's and do what she wants and I have to stay here."

"Don't worry, you won't be bored," he told her. "Once your homework is done, you'll be helping to keep the house clean and washing the dishes tomorrow."

"I don't want to do dishes!"

"And I don't want to listen to you whine but we both have our crosses to bear," Frank stated. "Frankie, watch your sister while I'm gone; I'm just going to settle Johanna in and I'll be back."

"This isn't entirely fair," Frankie stated; "I'm the oldest, if anyone should get to be alone, it should be me!"

"You have your own room; you have more space than Johanna does. Besides; she won't be entirely alone, Alma's there…and this is my gift to her. So just shut up and deal with it. If you had helped to provide a better birthday for her, maybe it wouldn't have come to this."

"You botch it and we have to pay for it while she gets a weekend getaway down the street?" his son asked.

Frank nodded. "Pretty much; bet you wish you weren't such a smartass now. Are you ready, Johanna?"

"I'm ready," she replied as she grabbed the handle of the small portable record player and her school books.

"Let's go," he said as he opened the door and stepped outside with her bags.

* * *

A few minutes later, Frank carried Johanna's bags up the stairs of his father's house and into his sister's old bedroom that she still used when she came to town for a few days. He flipped on the lights, illuminating the room. Johanna smiled as she saw the antique brass canopy bed and the matching vanity. There was a stand that held the TV, a dresser; a comfortable looking white arm chair next to a small stand with a lamp. A desk set against one wall and she carefully put her books down on it as Frank sat her stuff on the bed.

"Well what do you think of it?" her father asked.

"This room is beautiful," Johanna said, admiring the wallpaper that had tiny lavender roses printed on it; the lacy curtains and thick, white, plush carpet. It looked luxurious to her.

"Yes…your aunt Bridget has always been your grandfather's princess; she had the best of everything…like this room," he stated as he made his way to a closed door and opened it. "Here's the bathroom."

Johanna smiled as she peeked into the bathroom; seeing the big clawfoot bathtub that awaited her. "It's perfect," she murmured.

Frank smirked to himself a little; only a woman could be thrilled by the sight of a bathroom she didn't have to share with anyone else for a few hours. "I'm glad you like it. Here's money for your pizza tomorrow," he said as he took the money from his pocket. "There's a little extra in case you want an ice cream soda from the drugstore tomorrow…make sure you let Alma know if you're going out. Call if you need anything. I'll pick you up Monday morning and take you to school."

"Alright," she replied as she accepted the money. "Will you be alright with me being here?"

Frank nodded. "We'll be fine."

Johanna shifted on her feet for a moment as she looked up at him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "Thanks for my present."

"You're welcome," he said as he cupped her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Go take the longest bubble bath of your life and enjoy it. I'll see you Monday."

She hesitated for a brief moment and then gave into the sudden urge to hug him.

He didn't react at first, the gesture startling him as he hadn't expected it…he couldn't even remember the last time he had hugged her; but he allowed his arms to wrap around her, holding her tightly for a moment, his hand moving over the back of her head like he had done when she was a baby. She didn't smell like baby powder anymore, he thought to himself; now she smelled like that soft Avon perfume Naomi always bought her. He couldn't swing her up into his arms and make her giggle anymore like he had when she was a toddler. There weren't any new Crayola drawings tacked up in his office at home. She didn't come to him with her problems like she had when she was four…she didn't ask for help with her homework like she had when she was thirteen. He didn't always understand her…he didn't know anything about what a girl felt or went through at this age.

It had been easier when she was little…so much easier…and suddenly, fifteen seemed bigger than it was; that time had passed too quickly and she was too grown up. He held her tighter; pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He wished he could slow it down…wished he could slow all of them down; rewind back to when all three of his children had been small and he had better knowledge of what to do. Somehow he had lost his grasp on the knowledge…somehow they had grown much more quickly than he had wanted them to…and he knew there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Frank forced himself to shake away his thoughts as he released her. "I better get home before your brother and sister fly the coop," he told her. "You enjoy your place, Josie."

"Thanks, Dad," Johanna replied. "I'll see you Monday."

He gave her a nod and then left the room, leaving her in the solitude she had been seeking. She breathed deeply, drinking it in, feeling the weight slip from her shoulders as the pressure of being lady of the house eased. For a little while, she could just be…she didn't have to do anything she didn't want. She wouldn't be bossed around or run out of rooms or have to take care of her little sister. For the first time that she could remember, she had no responsibility to anyone but herself.

* * *

Later that evening, Johanna had a record playing softly and the bath tub full of bubbles, just waiting for her to slip into; but before she could get to the bathroom door, there was a knock at the bedroom door. She frowned and moved toward it; hoping that nothing was going to pop her bubble.

"I'm not intruding," Alma said lightly as the door opened. "I just wanted to give you a piece of birthday cake…you haven't lived until you've ate a piece of cake while enjoying a nice leisurely bath."

Johanna smiled as she accepted the plate. "Thank you, Alma; you didn't have to do that."

"Oh I already had it in the works before your father called, dear. Your mother had called a short while before and asked me if I'd mind making you a cake for your birthday…I heard that your father goofed on the one from the bakery."

"Yeah, he did," she said; her gaze still on the generous slice of white cake that was topped with delicious looking pink icing. "This looks really good."

"I hope you'll like it," Alma replied; "Don't tell your grandfather or your father…but it's your grandmother's recipe."

Johanna met her eye. "You knew my grandmother?"

Alma paused, knowing she had to be careful because if she said too much and Johanna repeated it; Patrick and Frank would be furious. "Yes, I met her a few times," she lied; and she hated to lie about the fact that she had known Sarah Riley McKenzie since she was five years old when her family had moved next door to Sarah's. She and Sarah had quickly became friends…they had been maid of honor at each other's weddings…they had gone through everything from first day of school to pregnancy together…and then she had had to stand by and watch her best friend be laid to rest much too soon…leaving her to do her best to help look after her family; leaving her to grow old without her best friend…to experience grandmother-hood without her to share its joys and sorrows with. Sarah couldn't watch her grandchildren grow up…but she watched for her; at least the three that lived nearby…and today she'd give Sarah's granddaughter who looked more like her with each passing year the cake she had loved so much.

"What was she like?" Johanna asked; pulling Alma from her thoughts.

Alma smiled. "Oh she was very kind and very beautiful like you."

"I wish I could have known her."

"Me too," Alma replied, giving her a soft pat on her cheek. "I know she'd adore you…although I'm sure she adores you from where she is right now. But let's not think sad things; you're supposed to enjoy your gift of having a temporary place of your own so you take your cake and run along and get that bath before the water cools too much. I'll be downstairs if you need anything."

Johanna gave her a smile. "Thank you, Alma."

"You're welcome, dear."

Johanna closed the door and carried her cake into the bathroom, sitting it in a safe place until she stripped off her clothes and sank into that tub full of warm bubbles. She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment before reaching for her piece of cake, sinking her fork into it and taking a bite. Her eyes closed again as the icing hit her tongue; it was divine…and she told herself to ask Alma to give her the recipe so she could tuck it away somewhere safe so she'd have something of her grandmother's that she could make one day when she lived in her own place. She breathed deeply, feeling the warm water lap against her skin; easing the ache she had low in her stomach from her cycle; the scent of her mother's lavender bubbles relaxing her as she listened to Mamas and Papas sing California Dreamin' on the record player as she took another bite of cake.

Now this was a birthday, she thought to herself. There weren't any annoying siblings pounding on the door, demanding she vacate the bathroom. There was no grouchy father downstairs waiting to ground her…there was no dishes to wash, meals to cook or household chores to tend to. She didn't have to do anything but what she wanted to do. She sighed happily; yes, this was a birthday…a belated one but a good one. Fifteen didn't seem so bad when you were submerged in bubbles with good music on the record player and a piece of cake…but she still wouldn't hold her breath for that sweet sixteen party. It wouldn't happen, she was sure of it…but maybe, just maybe she could come back here again and have another little taste of living on her own. For now though she was content; there wasn't any reason to waste time thinking about a party that wouldn't happen next year. She had to stay in the present and drink up every moment of this unexpected gift that her father had given her…because for once, he had finally gotten it right.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! I was trying to go in order for the birthdays but ideas don't come in order so we're taking a time jump and I'll write them as they come. This one comes in the era of my Christmas story Let Your Heart Be Light when Kate was four years old and Jim and Johanna were beginning to go through a hard time in their marriage._

Chapter 7- Spiraling- February 4, 1984- Part 1

After finishing her morning routines and poking her head into Katie's room to make sure her four year old was still sleeping soundly, Johanna decided to follow her usual Saturday morning ritual of getting back into bed for awhile longer. There was no reason to be up before she had to be on the weekends; she always allowed Katie to sleep until she got up on her own, which she would around nine; and Jim usually slept in or went downstairs to read his newspaper in peace. She wished though that he'd stay in bed with her for awhile…talking softly and just being together like they used to do…before he became this work obsessed, drink loving stranger that he was nowadays. She sighed a little as she neared their bedroom; it would be nice if things could be easy today…it was her birthday after all and he had promised last weekend that they'd spend the day together. She hoped he was going to stick to that, she thought to herself as she entered the room and moved to the bed, crawling back into it as she glanced across the room at her husband, her brow furrowing as she did so.

"Why are you getting dressed for work?" Johanna asked. "It's Saturday."

"Because I have meetings," Jim said as he tied his tie. "I don't get to clock out on Friday and not worry until Monday anymore. I have to take appointments on the weekend to keep up; especially with having to go to Vermont in a few weeks."

"I just thought we were going to spend the day together," she said softly as a measure of disappointment spread through her.

"Who told you that?"

The comment stung but she brushed it off as best as she could. "You did…it's what you told me last weekend when you had to work."

"Things probably looked different last week. I have to go to these meetings. I can't sit home and do nothing just because it's Saturday."

"I don't think that's what we had in mind when we talked about it. I thought we were going to find something for us to do…something with Katie and then things for us since she's spending the night with Claire."

"Things change, Johanna. I have to work. Don't you have something that needs done? You do have two jobs now; I'm sure there's something you could spend some time on while Katie watches cartoons. Don't you have papers to grade or a case to work on?"

"I figured I'd do it tomorrow," she murmured. "Are we still going out to dinner?"

Jim glanced at her as he pulled on his suit jacket. "What are you talking about?"

Her brow rose. "Seriously?"

"I don't remember us having dinner plans, Johanna."

She stared at him in disbelief; they always went out to dinner for her birthday…had they really reached the point in their marriage where he had forgotten her birthday? He hadn't mentioned it after all; usually he told her happy birthday as soon as she opened her eyes but he hadn't this morning. He had also declined her offer to make him breakfast. "You told me days ago that you were going to make reservations for tonight."

"For where?" he asked; doing his best to keep from yelling in exasperation. The last thing he needed was to wake up Katie and get her started about him going to work.

"For Lugi's…our favorite place."

"Aren't you sick of that place?" he asked with a frown.

"No…I can't even remember the last time we were there," Johanna replied. "I can't even remember the last time we went out to dinner period."

"Don't start that again."

She shrugged. "It's just the truth, Jim; we don't do anything anymore. You go out plenty…you just never take me with you."

"We're married, Johanna; I shouldn't have to date you anymore. We live in the same house; it's not like we don't see each other."

"Sometimes it feels like we don't," she said quietly. "I just miss when we used to do things."

"It's hard to do things when we have a kid and three jobs between us," Jim retorted. "I don't know what the hell you want lately."

Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "I don't want anything," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I brought up dinner. I'll grab something to eat when I drop Katie off later. I'll make you something when you get home…don't get pissed off at me for asking, but any idea what time you might be home?"

"I don't know," he replied.

She breathed deeply, the realization that he really had forgotten what day it was settling over her. She exhaled slowly, hurt and disappointment filling her once again. "Are you sure you don't want me to make you breakfast?" she asked.

"I'll stop and get coffee and a doughnut on the way," Jim answered.

"Have a good day," she said flatly as he shoved his wallet into his pocket.

"You too," he replied, heading for the door and leaving her alone without another word.

Tears stung her eyes as she shook her head. Her husband had just given her the same treatment he'd give a client that he was ending a meeting with. She should be used to it; after all, she'd been living with this new attitude of his for months now…but it still hurt, she thought to herself as she laid down, pulling his pillow close to breathe in his scent. She thought that they had made some headway when he came home for Christmas…she thought maybe things were going to go back to normal.

She had been wrong…as usual.

He had come home for New Year's as promised…in a foul mood and hungover. He spent all of New Year's Eve day yelling at Katie for being too loud until finally she had taken her to her mother's to spend the rest of the day and night with her cousins. She had gone back home and nursed her husband, hoping maybe they could at least venture out to dinner and then return home for a child free night to do whatever they wanted without worry. He hadn't wanted to go out to dinner…didn't want to order anything for dinner either so they could have a date like vibe. He had demanded that she cook…and so she had, thinking she could make it special but it hadn't been. His hangover might've eased but it hadn't improved his mood. He had gone to bed early…she had watched the ball drop alone on the TV downstairs…no New Year's kiss…no nothing…and it seemed like it was going to be the theme for her whole year.

Here she was, her birthday forgotten by the man who had always gone out of his way to make the day happy for her. She closed her eyes; he wasn't the first man to forget…her father had forgotten once too. When her father had forgotten it had felt like a betrayal. Now her husband had forgotten and it felt like a small betrayal too. The two most important men in her life and they had both let her down in the same way…just eighteen years apart.

He had known her birthday was coming up…that was why he had specified last week that they'd spend this day together; first as a family…and then later on, if she could find someone to watch Katie; they'd have the rest of the day and night for the two of them. She had arranged for Katie to spend the night at her brother's house, knowing her child was always happy to have a sleepover with her favorite cousin Claire. So she lined up a babysitter…waited patiently, doing her best not to anger him during the week since she seemed to do it so easily lately. She hadn't even bothered to ask him if he'd watch Katie that week during her class on Tuesday and Thursday; instead she had paid Angie to watch her. She hadn't said a word about him stumbling in drunk the night before…she hadn't said much about his behavior at all that week in hopes that the weekend would come and all would be well. Fools and their wishes, she thought to herself.

Things weren't getting better…they only seemed to be getting worse and she didn't know how to make it stop. Now he had even forgotten her birthday…and she knew it was a silly thing to get upset over; she was far too old to think that birthdays should be special…but he had always tried to make it special in some way; even if it was just by getting a babysitter and taking her out for the night.

Oh well, she mused; she was thirty-three, not three…it was just another day.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway and she feigned sleep so her husband could slip into the room and get whatever he had forgotten without being disturbed or forced to have conversation with her. The footsteps entered the room and then paused beside the bed.

"I know you're awake," Jim stated. "You're not one of those people who falls asleep fast."

Johanna opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Your keys are on the kitchen counter."

Jim gave her a puzzled look. "What?"

"If you're looking for your keys, they're on the kitchen counter. The folders you dropped on the stand last night I put on your desk next to your briefcase. If you need a few extra dollars and don't have time to stop at the bank, my purse is on the dresser. There's eighty dollars in my wallet, you can take forty of it."

"I asked you for twenty dollars last week," Jim retorted; "You don't have to act like I do it all the time."

"I'm not; I'm just telling you that the money is in my wallet if you need some. It's not a big deal; we've always given each other money when one of us needs a few extra dollars and we can't squeeze in a run to the bank. I wasn't trying to offend you."

"I don't need your money; I'm going to the bank before they close today. I haven't forgotten that I owe you the twenty from last week."

"No, you don't," she replied. "I don't want it back."

"Well you'll get it back anyway and keep your mouth shut about it because I don't want to hear it."

"Fine, Jim; whatever makes you happy. If you're not looking for your keys, work or money; what are you looking for?" she asked; keeping her tone neutral.

"I wasn't looking for anything."

"You changed your mind about breakfast?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" she asked as she sat up once more. "Are you not feeling well?"

"I've felt better," he admitted; but he knew it was because he had overindulged the night before when he had been out…and to her credit, she hadn't said anything about it…yet; but he was sure she would before long.

Johanna rose up on her knees, pressing her fingers against his forehead to check for fever. "You're not running a fever," she said softly, allowing her hand to brush against his cheek. "That doesn't mean you're not coming down with something though…maybe you should stay home and rest."

"Don't mother me," he stated; "Save that for Katie."

Her hand dropped away from his face as if she had been burned and she sank back down, allowing him to tower over her as he stood beside the bed. "What did you want?" she asked, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.

Jim breathed deeply, knowing he had hurt her feelings by shunning her attention and concern. "I'll take you to dinner tonight."

She glanced at him for a quick second and then looked away. "It's alright; we don't have to go out. I know you're busy."

"I am," he stated; "But I know if I don't take you it'll turn into a big thing."

She met his gaze, a cool smile on her lips. "It's so nice to be your obligation."

"You're not an obligation," he sighed. "It has been awhile since we went out to dinner, so since you claim we had already made plans to do so, then we will, okay? I'll call and get us reservations but not Lugi's. I'm sick of Italian food."

"I'll make sure I don't cook any this week," she remarked.

"I didn't mean yours," he stated; "You cook a variety of things but it always seems like you want Italian food when we eat out and I'm sick of it."

"Alright," Johanna said softly, pulling her legs up against her and wrapping her arms around them. "But please don't make it Chinese. I hate Chinese food; I can't even stand the way it smells."

"That's the one perk of us not working together anymore," Jim said. "I can eat Chinese food for lunch."

"I never told you that you couldn't; I just said I wasn't…but if that's what you want tonight, I'll try to find something on the menu that I can tolerate," she replied; cringing inside at the thought of it. She'd been dragged to Chinese restaurants before, first by her parents and later by college friends and dates and she never could find anything that didn't turn her stomach at the sight of it.

"I just bet," he laughed.

"You're going to be late for work, Jim. We'll go out some other time; it's alright…I promise I won't say anything more about it."

He sighed deeply, looking at her and wondering why she always folded her legs up against herself like that. It always made her look so small and fragile. She hadn't been herself all week…at least what he had seen of her she hadn't been. She hadn't said anything about his late nights…she hadn't said anything about him coming home drunk the night before. She hadn't said much about anything at all…and he didn't miss the fact that Katie always seemed to be tucked into bed before he got home lately. He knew he had yelled at her a few times for being boisterous…he might've even yelled at her for bugging him one night when he was trying to work at his desk. He didn't like yelling at her…but Johanna was too damn patient with her and allowed her to get away with too much as it was. So he figured that she had moved Katie's bedtime up a little…and she seemed to be keeping to herself the last few days. He knew things weren't great between them lately but that was because she refused to understand that he had to keep proving himself at work right now…that he couldn't just drop things to be with her all the time.

"It won't be Chinese food," he murmured, reaching out and pushing her hair off her shoulder. "I'll pick one of the other places we like, alright?"

She nodded but said nothing; knowing that he still had no clue that it was her birthday.

"Go buy a new dress," he told her. "That will make you feel better."

Tears filled her eyes but she kept her head turned so he wouldn't see them. Nothing was going to make her feel better…unless he started acting like the man she married again.

"I'll make the reservation for seven; that way I'll be sure to be done my work and I'll be able to come home and get ready and pick you up," Jim went on. "It's just going to be dinner…I don't feel like staying. I get tired of it."

"Then maybe you ought to try coming home sometimes," she murmured, her voice clogged with tears she wouldn't shed.

"You really going to go there, Johanna?" he asked.

"It's hard not to when you're standing there saying you get tired of being out and yet I don't see you coming home on time. I don't know when the last time was that you were home when you were supposed to be. I know you like to blow off steam, that you like to be with your friends…but you don't have to stay out half the night. You could have a drink and come home."

"Are you going to start about the drinking again!?" he exclaimed in a hushed voice.

"No. All I said was you could have a drink and come home; I didn't tell you not to have one at all."

"You're probably gearing up for it."

"I'm not," she sighed. "Do whatever makes you happy, Jim; because it seems like I don't do it for you anymore."

"That's not true. I'm sorry I haven't had as much time as I used to…maybe things will settle down in a few months."

She scoffed before she could stop herself. "Let me know if it does; I'll make an appointment."

"We'll go out to dinner tonight and then next weekend we'll take Katie and do something, okay? That's the best I can do right now."

"Alright," she said although she knew that they wouldn't do anything the following weekend. He'd be busy getting ready to leave next Sunday for his case in Vermont.

"I have to get going," he stated. "I'll see you later."

Johanna nodded, conjuring up a small smile for him.

"Try to be ready on time," Jim remarked as he headed back to the door. "I don't want to be all night getting there."

The smile faded from her lips; the sentiment shining through loud and clear that he didn't really want to take her out and that he was hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible. "I'll be ready," she said quietly.

He left the room without another word and she laid back down, breathing in his scent on his pillow. Some birthday this was going to be, she mused…but at least she could have him for a short period of time at dinner. Maybe while they were eating she could find a way to remind him that he used to enjoy her company…and then maybe when they got home they could watch a movie together…reconnect a little since Katie would be out of the house. It would be enough if she could just make it happen…and she prayed that there would be some miracle and that it would happen that way.

* * *

Johanna was still in bed, half heartedly watching TV when she heard the soft sound of tiny footsteps in the hallway heading for the bathroom. She glanced at the clock, eight-forty-five…her morning of quiet and solitude was over…and today she was glad for it. She spent enough time being lonely now that her husband only cared about himself. Katie didn't fill up all of the emptiness but she took up a good bit and she did her best to keep those feelings of depression and sadness hidden from her child. Several minutes later, the sound of footsteps returned and then her daughter's head cautiously poked around the door that Jim had left ajar.

"Good morning, baby," she murmured to her daughter, a smile touching her lips as she took in Katie's tousled hair and sleepy eyes.

"Where's Daddy?" Katie whispered; her voice still raspy from sleep.

Johanna ached inside; ever since Jim had started chastening her more for being what he considered loud, she noticed that Katie was keeping her distance from her daddy for the most part and whispering when she thought he might be near. "He's not home, honey; you can come in."

"I want my bunny," Katie said, turning away from the door and hurrying back to her own room.

Johanna shifted around, making room for her daughter when she'd return from grabbing her bunny.

"Daddy's not home?" her daughter asked once more as she reappeared in the doorway.

"No, Baby; Daddy's not home; he had some work to do."

Katie ran into the room, bunny held tightly in the crook of her arm and dragging a pink gift bag. She climbed up on the bed, laying down her bunny and letting go of the bag as she crawled into her mother's embrace. "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" she exclaimed happily.

Johanna laughed softly, brushing her daughter's hair back from her face. "How did you know it was my birthday?"

"Grandma told me," she replied. "She said that when I waked up this morning it would be your birthday. I got you presents!"

"Did you?" Johanna asked. "How did you do that?"

"Grandma helped me," Katie replied, pulling away from her mother so she could grab the gift bag that Naomi McKenzie had managed to hide in Katie's bag the day before.

"Grandma's a good helper," Johanna remarked; thinking to herself that her mother must have correctly assumed that like Christmas, Jim wouldn't have time to assist his daughter in getting a gift for her to give.

"Open your presents, Mommy!" Katie said, bouncing on her knees a little as she pushed the bag toward her.

Johanna reached into the bag and pulled out the card made of pink construction paper; big, messy letters spelling out Happy Birthday Mommy taking up the whole center, lopsided hearts doodled around it in purple crayon. She smiled, her fingers moving against the letters.

"Grandma helped with the letters," Katie said, her eyes eager for approval. "I told her we been practicing my letters."

"You did a good job writing your letters," Johanna praised. "You're such a smart girl."

"There's more inside!" her daughter exclaimed. "It opens!"

She laughed softly as she opened the card, the inside showing a drawing of two stick figures wearing dresses that she figured was her and Katie and opposite the drawing were the words 'I Love You, Mommy! Love, Katie'. "That's so sweet," she said softly, leaning forward to kiss her daughter's forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart."

"There's more presents in there," Katie said, pointing to the bag.

"I know," she said with a smile; reaching inside the bag and pulling out a small wrapped box. She pulled off the wrapping paper and opened the box, finding a pair of red leather gloves. "Oh, these are pretty," she said, trying one on as her daughter watched.

"They match your scarf, Mommy."

"Yes, they do; and they're very nice. Thank you."

"I picked them all by myself," her daughter told her proudly.

"You did such a good job," she praised. "It's nice for a lady to have a good pair of gloves like these when she has to go to work and run errands."

Katie beamed in response. "Open the next one!"

Johanna opened the next gift and found a new novel she remembered telling her mother that she wanted to get the next time she went to the bookstore. The third gift she pulled from the bag was a small box containing a silver heart shaped pin that was studded with tiny pink stones. "Grandma said you can put that on your coat so it has something pretty on it," her daughter informed her.

"It's just what my coat needs," she told her. "It's very pretty."

"I liked that one best," her daughter stated. "Grandma liked the flower one but I like the heart one."

"I think you made a good choice," Johanna remarked; figuring that her mother had tried to persuade her child toward the flower pin, possibly thinking it would look more professional but Katie was stubborn and she had no doubt that she had dug her heels in and insisted on the one she liked the best. She would pin it to her coat before the day was over so that Katie would be sure to know that she liked it.

"There's one more present," Katie said, poking the bag.

Johanna reached into the bag and pulled out the last gift, unwrapping it and finding a white coffee mug with her name painted on it in elegant red script on both sides. She figured that her mother must've ordered it from one of those catalogues she was always getting in the mail.

"Do you like it, Mommy?" her daughter asked.

"I do; I like it a lot," she told her. "I'm going to wash it and drink my coffee in it at breakfast…but would it be okay if I took it to my office with me Monday?" she asked her. "Mommy really needs this at work since it has my name on it; then everyone will know this is my mug and not to touch it."

"Yeah, you can take it to your office," Katie said happily. "It will be pretty on your desk."

"You're right, it will be," she smiled; "And I'll tell everyone that you gave it to me."

"Tell them no one can use it but you."

"Oh I will," she said as she kissed her daughter. "Thank you for my presents, sweetheart; I love them all."

"You're welcome, Mommy," Katie said, wiggling her way back into her arms for a hug. "We gotta go to Grandma's."

"I don't have to work today, baby; it's Saturday."

"No; we gotta go to Grandma's because we made you a birthday cake," she replied.

"You did?" Johanna asked.

"Uh huh and it's pretty; it's got pink roses on it."

"My favorite," she told her. "You and Grandma have been busy."

"Yep; we did lots of stuff yesterday but she said it was a secret and I couldn't tell you until today. Grandma got you presents too."

"Well then I guess we better go over there later," Johanna replied, tickling her a little. "But for right now we better go downstairs and have some breakfast."

"What are we going to have?" Katie asked.

"Pancakes; I always have pancakes on my birthday," she told her.

"How come?"

"Because Grandma always made me birthday pancakes when I was little."

"I like pancakes," Katie replied. "I want bunny pancakes."

She laughed, brushing a hand over her child's tousled hair. "Then bunny pancakes we shall have. Do you want a little bit of scrambled eggs with them?"

"Uh huh and orange juice."

"Alright; bunny pancakes, scrambled eggs and orange juice; sounds like a good birthday breakfast to me," Johanna said as she tossed back the covers and got out of bed, carrying her new coffee mug in one hand and offering her other hand to her daughter as she scooted down after her. At least her mother and her daughter hadn't forgotten her birthday.

* * *

Naomi McKenzie smiled as she opened the door later that day and found her daughter and granddaughter on the other side. "I see you got my message to come over," she said as she met Johanna's gaze.

"Katie's not likely to forget a message that involves cake," Johanna replied as they stepped into the house.

Naomi smiled at her granddaughter as she helped her out of her coat. "You must get that sweet tooth from your Grandpa," she told her.

"Where is Grandpa?" Katie asked.

"In the living room watching TV; go on in, he's waiting on you."

Katie ran off to the living room to find her grandfather and Naomi waited until Johanna had hung up her coat and then enfolded her in a tight embrace. "Happy Birthday, Bambina."

"Thanks, Mama," she said softly; breathing in the comforting scent of her mother's perfume.

Naomi released her, her hands cupping her daughter's face. "Thirty-three," she said. "It's hard to believe…seems like it was just yesterday when you were Katie's age."

She smiled a little. "Sometimes I wish I was still her age."

"We all have those moments," her mother said with a laugh. "But I felt old this morning, thinking about how it's been thirty-three years since I held you for the first time and kissed your little head. My plans for the way you were to enter the world fell apart when the snow started the day before you were born…but then you arrived and you were perfect and the plans didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that God had answered my prayers for a baby girl."

Johanna gave her an amused smirk. "What, you're not going to bring up the nineteen hours and however many minutes it took me to be born?"

"I was saving that for after the cake," Naomi quipped. "Believe me, I haven't forgotten how long it took you to get here or the pain I endured."

"Now it's my birthday," she laughed. "It's just not right until you've mentioned your pain bringing me into the world."

"Well now it's officially your day," her mother said warmly.

"Thanks for the gifts Katie gave me," she said, keeping her tone low as they remained in the entryway.

"Oh that wasn't any problem," Naomi replied. "I told her yesterday that today was your birthday and her first response was that she didn't have a present for you. So I took her out to get a few things and I managed to get the bag hidden in her bag she brings with her toys in it. Then we made the cake."

"She told me about the cake as soon as the gifts were open."

"Where's Jim? Why didn't he come with you?"

"He's working," she replied.

"Seems like that's all he does lately. Can't he even take a day off for his wife's birthday?"

"He has meetings that he has to take today; he has to have things in order because he's leaving for Vermont next weekend for a case he has."

"Again?"

"Yes," she replied, a note of bitterness in her voice.

"All the more reason why he should've made sure to be with you today."

"I guess it was unavoidable, Mom," Johanna said, although she didn't believe it.

Naomi studied her daughter for a long moment. "Dear, don't take this the wrong way…"

"That's never good," Johanna muttered.

"Are you and Jim having some kind of financial trouble?"

Johanna looked at her oddly. "No; why?"

"Well…with Jim working so much the last several months and you taking a second job…it just seemed like maybe you were having financial problems," Naomi replied. "If you are, you could just ask us, we'll help you."

She shook her head. "No, Mom; we're not having any financial difficulties. We're fine."

"Are you sure? You did say before that you weren't making as much at your new firm."

"I'm not making as much as I used to at the moment but business is a little better than it was but we're fine; we have plenty. I could quit both of my jobs and Jim would still bring in plenty of money for us to live comfortably."

"Then why on earth did you take a second job?" Naomi asked. "I could understand it if you needed the money but if Jim is making enough to provide for you and Katie; then why would you take another job, Johanna?"

"Because business has been slow at the firm and I wanted something else to do," she answered.

"But it's more time away from Katie; is that worth curing a little boredom?"

"It's two hours a week, Mom; Katie's fine."

"But still…why do it if you don't need the money? You could be home those two hours with your daughter instead of having her with a sitter because I know Jim hasn't been watching her while you're at Columbia."

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't act like I'm never with my kid," she said, her voice low and firm. "I'm with Katie every moment I can be. I took the job because I wanted it…it was something I wanted for myself. You always yelled you wanted me to be a teacher; I take a teaching position and you act like I'm neglecting my child."

"You're not neglecting her," Naomi said, gentling her tone. "But you have a husband who provides for you."

"So do you and yet I remember plenty of times when I was a kid, you went out the door to teach piano in the church basement…don't you think you were neglecting us for those few hours away from us?"

Naomi sighed. "I don't think it's exactly the same. I was home all day with you kids…you're not home with Katie all day, she's with me."

"Mom, if you don't want to watch her anymore just say so; I'm sure Elizabeth wouldn't mind going from two days to three and Valerie would take her the other two."

"Now don't be ridiculous; I don't mind watching her, I enjoy it. I'm just saying that you don't have to have that other job…how does she feel being with a babysitter in the evening when she had already been with one during the day?"

"She's fine. I know you don't like me having this job, that's why I haven't asked you to watch her during my class. She seemed to greatly enjoy the time she spent with Angie this past week. She went to Frankie's my first week; she loved having some extra playtime with Claire. If Katie was bothered by it, I'd quit but she's fine. It's only until early May; it's not a permanent job."

"I know it's only temporary…but you don't seem happy lately and I thought…"

"If I'm unhappy," she said, cutting her off. "It doesn't have anything to do with teaching a class twice a week or Katie…and I really don't want to do this today, so can we just not?"

"What's wrong, Johanna?" Naomi asked softly. "If it's not work or money; what is it?"

"Jim," she admitted quietly.

"Things haven't gotten any better since Christmas?"

She shook her head. "It feels like they just get worse. We made plans last week to spend today together…he claims he doesn't remember and he has these meetings to get done. We made plans to go out to dinner…he didn't remember that either and finally said he'd take me out tonight…so I won't make a big thing out of it; and I've been informed that it's just dinner and nothing else, no movie, or club or anything. Just dinner. He doesn't even know it's my birthday," she said with a hollow laugh. "We've finally reached that place in our marriage where the honeymoon is over and he breaks plans and forgets my birthday. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."

Naomi's heart ached as she pulled her daughter into another hug. "I'm so sorry," she murmured to her. "I hate to know you're going through a hard time…and I know nothing I can say will make it any better…but don't give up hope, darling. Every marriage goes through hard times…but it usually works out in the end."

"I'm not so sure," she whispered as she held on to her mother.

"We just have to hope that it will," Naomi murmured; "But if it gets too bad; you and Katie can always come home, Bambina. Don't ever hesitate to just come home."

"He's not keeping the house," Johanna muttered. "No way in hell is he keeping the house. Katie and the house are mine. He can live in his car."

Naomi gave a soft laugh. "You are your father's daughter, darling. You think the way he does when it comes to things like that…and no, I don't think it's a bad thing. But if Jim would take it into his head to leave, I feel certain that your father will kill him and you won't have to worry."

"I just don't know what I did wrong," she murmured.

"Who said you did anything wrong?" her mother asked.

She shrugged. "It's just how I feel…that I must've done something wrong or things wouldn't have gotten to this point."

"It takes two people to make a marriage, Johanna. I don't see where you're not upholding your end of things…he's the one who never seems to be around; so if there's blame, I think it lies with him."

"I just keep hoping I'll wake up one day and things will be back to normal."

"I'll pray for that to be the case," Naomi promised.

"Are you two going to stand in the entry way all day?" Frank asked as he appeared in the doorway of the living room.

"No," Naomi replied; "We were just catching up."

"You just saw each other yesterday."

"A lot can happen in a short amount of time," his wife remarked.

"When are we going to have cake, Grandma? I told Mommy we made cake." Katie stated as she stood next to her grandfather.

"We'll have the cake now," Naomi said. "Let's all go into the kitchen."

They all headed to the kitchen and settled down at the table while Naomi took the lid off the cake container that she had placed in the center of the table before her daughter's arrival.

"Do you like it, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"I love it," Johanna replied, pressing a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "You and Grandma did a good job."

"Katie picked the color of the roses," Naomi stated; "She said you should have pink roses."

"I do like pink roses best," she told her daughter.

"You gotta blow out the candles and make a wish," Katie said, watching as Naomi poked a few thin pink birthday candles into the cake.

"I'm glad Grandma's not putting all the candles on…that would take up half the cake."

"Oh it would not," her mother chastened lightly; "But I figured I'd just do six candles; the first three for the thirty and the others for the three. Can you believe she's thirty-three, Frank?"

"No," he allowed himself to admit. "It doesn't seem like it should be that long."

"I think I liked my twenties better," Johanna replied.

"Who doesn't?" Frank remarked as he watched Naomi light the candles.

"Okay," Naomi said, glancing at her granddaughter. "Candles are lit; time to sing to Mommy."

Naomi and Katie sang Happy Birthday to her and she smiled as her daughter excitedly told her to blow out the candles and make a wish. Johanna closed her eyes, making a wish that her marriage would survive whatever it was going through at the moment…that Jim would work out whatever it was that was going on with him and be the man she had always known him to be. She blew out the candles, hoping her wish would be granted as her daughter clapped for her.

Naomi took the candles out of the cake and set about slicing pieces for all of them as Frank glanced at his daughter. "Where's Jim?" he asked.

Johanna sighed a little. "He had to work."

"On a Saturday?"

"Daddy works all the time," Katie remarked. "He never comes home like Mommy does."

"That's not really true, Katie," Johanna said; although if she was being honest with herself, it was the truth…he didn't often come home on time and he never seemed to stick around on the weekends. "Working on weekends is just a part of his promotion I guess."

"I'm glad Daddy's working," her daughter said as a slice of cake was put in front of her.

"Why?" Frank asked; suspicion in his eyes.

"Cause he yells all the time," she answered.

"For what?" he demanded to know.

"The same things you always yelled at me for," Johanna said before her chatty daughter could answer.

Frank didn't like the sound of things…just like he hadn't been pleased with the situation at Christmas but before he could speak, his granddaughter pulled his attention back to her.

"Daddy yells a lot," Katie remarked as she licked icing off her fork.

"Daddy said he was sorry for yelling at you," Johanna reminded her.

"He yells at Mommy on the phone," Katie added.

"No, he doesn't," she laughed but even to her own ears the sound was strained.

"Uh huh," her daughter declared. "Daddy yells on the phone; I heard him the other day. He said he'd come home when he was good and damn ready so don't bitch about it cause he's tired of hearing it."

"Katherine Houghton!" Johanna exclaimed. "You don't say those words! I've told you about that before!"

"That's what Daddy said!"

"I don't care; he's a grown up, he's allowed to say those words, you're not and you know it! I better not hear it again!" she said sternly. "It's also not nice for you to be listening to people's phone calls and then telling other people about it."

"Daddy said it first," she muttered.

"And I'm saying for the last time that I better not hear those words come out of your mouth again," Johanna said sharply. "If you keep it up you won't be spending the night with Claire tonight."

Katie pouted and fell silent as Frank and Naomi eyed them both.

"Don't punish her for telling the truth," Frank said, his tone low and tense. "If you don't want your phone calls overheard and repeated, then you take them in another room where she isn't playing."

Johanna's gaze fell to her own piece of cake, feeling chastened and wishing she had just stayed home. A sniffle next to her told her that her daughter was crying and she felt like a terrible person once more. "It's alright, Katie; I'm not mad at you," she said softly. "You're going to your sleepover tonight, I promise."

"I'm sorry, Mommy," Katie sniffled.

"It's okay," she told her, giving her a hug. "But don't repeat anymore bad words, alright? Before long you're going to be going to school and you can't say bad words there. I know Grammy let's you do it when you're watching Wheel of Fortune but honey, you can't do it when you're not with Grammy."

"She shouldn't do it with Grammy," Naomi remarked.

"I'm picking my battles, Mom," Johanna remarked as she wiped the tears off her daughter's cheek and kissed her forehead. "Eat your cake, baby. It's really good; I can tell you were a big help to Grandma because it's extra good."

Katie's eyes lit up. "You like it lots?!"

"I do; it's the best birthday cake I've ever had."

"I'm glad you like it; I helped a lot," her daughter said. "Grandma let me crack the eggs and I didn't get no shells in there."

Johanna laughed and gave her another squeeze. "Good job."

"What did Jim get you for your birthday?" Frank asked, a note of firmness in his voice.

"I don't know," she answered.

"You don't know?" he repeated as he eyed her. "Does he even know it's your birthday?"

"What does it matter?" Johanna asked.

"Because I want to know…now that I know he doesn't come home much and spends his time yelling my granddaughter and apparently cussing you on the phone."

"Fine, Dad; he didn't mention it before he left…but we're supposed to go out tonight so maybe he'll mention it then."

"And if he doesn't?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged. "Then I guess it doesn't matter…he wouldn't be the first man to forget my birthday…you did it once."

"Only because I was worried about your mother who was in the hospital," Frank remarked.

"Yeah; I know…but you still forgot. I even remember birthdays when you weren't here so why do you care if he doesn't remember?"

"Because I didn't give you away at the wedding for him to forget," he said sharply. "I don't know what his problem is the last several months but I didn't give him my daughter to leave her alone with a baby while he goes out and does whatever the hell he wants…because I highly doubt he's spending every moment of his day and night doing law work, Johanna. I think you know that too."

She breathed deeply, wishing she knew what to say. "He's taking me out tonight; he's probably just waiting until then to give me a gift. He probably just wants me to think that he forgot my birthday; he's just teasing me, that's all."

Frank studied his daughter, noting the fact that she looked him straight in the eye and didn't blink. She was lying to him, trying to cover for her husband and smooth over the idea that he had forgotten completely…but he knew better. He doubted that there would even be a dinner date.

"I'm sure it'll all work out," Naomi said lightly; "But for now let's just concentrate on the part of Johanna's birthday that she's spending with us. We have gifts for you to open after you finish your cake, Bambina. Your grandmother sent her card and gift home with me the other day; she would've liked to have been here to have cake with you but you know she's just getting over the flu and I told her to stay in out of the cold."

"There's no reason for her to be out this cold," Johanna agreed. "Is she feeling any better?"

"Oh yes, she's almost completely back to herself, ornery and somewhat demanding" Naomi remarked with a hint of exasperation. "She's back to her regular eating habits and has her strength back but she should still take it easy for a few more days. Your sister left a gift and a card from her and the kids too. She wanted to be here but Paul insisted on them all going out of state to see his grandfather today."

"Paul's good for that," Johanna replied. "I'll call her when I know she's back."

"I'm sure she'll be waiting to hear from you," Naomi replied; satisfied that she had successfully steered them away from unhappy topics.

They finished their cake over unimportant small talk and then Naomi allowed Katie to follow her to the bedroom to get Johanna's gifts, leaving father and daughter alone for a few moments.

"I know I missed some of your birthdays," Frank said, keeping his tone quiet so they wouldn't be overheard.

"It's alright, Dad; you had to go out of town at times for work; sometimes for your company, sometimes for Grandpa's on Colin's behalf. I didn't mean to start anything…it's just…"

"I know what it is," he replied; "I'm not angry…I know I missed birthdays, not just some of yours but some of Frankie's and Colleen's too. But it's different between husbands and wives…I've never forgotten your mother's birthday…and even when it lands on a work day; I still make sure to fill her day and evening as much as I can in between sharing her with our children."

"I know," Johanna said softly.

"I don't particularly like what I'm hearing and seeing from your husband lately. I don't like knowing that he's never around, that he yells at Katie when he is and yells at you on the phone. I had hoped he had gotten over himself after the way things were at Christmas."

"Yeah; I had hoped that too," she sighed.

"Has it gone beyond yelling?" Frank asked.

"Meaning?"

"You know what it means."

"He doesn't hit me, Dad. I wouldn't put up with that."

"If it ever comes to that, you better head here first…because this is where the problem will end, because I'll kill him," Frank said firmly. "If I find out he's having an affair, I'll kill him. If I find out he's doing anything I don't like that's negatively impacting my daughter and granddaughter, I'll kill him. Maybe you should mention that…he might find his way home more often."

She managed a small smile. "I don't think he'd like it if I told him that."

"Then I'll refresh his memory the next time I have a few moments alone with him," Frank said before wiping the serious look off his face as Katie carried some of the smaller gifts into the room with Naomi on her heels with the others.

Johanna pasted a smile on her face as well as her daughter returned to her side, putting the boxes in front of her on the table. Her heart ached a little, wishing Jim was there…wishing that things didn't seem so dire…wishing that she didn't feel like her life was falling apart. She hoped birthday wishes came true…because she just wanted her husband back; it was the only gift she needed.

* * *

Johanna paced the living room that evening as she waited for Jim to come home and take her to dinner. She smoothed a hand over the skirt of the new dress she had bought that afternoon after she and Katie had left her mother's house. It was black silk cocktail dress with a black lace overlay that held a design of small flowers of silver thread. It had cap sleeves and was made to look snug against the curves of her body…and a part of her hated to admit it but she had chosen it in hopes that it might entice her husband and keep his attention for longer than the span of their meal. She thought it was a pretty dress…Katie had given her seal of approval, saying that she looked as pretty as her brown haired Barbie. She smiled a little; she wasn't fashion doll pretty but she appreciated the sentiment just the same…after all compliments were few and far between lately.

She breathed deeply and exhaled slowly, her head dipping to the shiny new black heels on her feet. She hadn't really needed new shoes but she had bought them anyway considering them a birthday gift to herself. She always felt better when she had a new pair of shoes…but the indulgence hadn't brought the cure that it usually did. Johanna sighed and glanced at her dress coat lying over the back of the recliner; Katie's heart shaped pin proudly displayed on it. "Come on, Jim," she murmured as she forced herself to sit down and check her clutch for the third time to be sure she had everything. Wallet, keys, lipstick and compact were all accounted for as she knew they would be and she closed the small handbag and laid it back down on the coffee table, doing her best to ignore the silence. She hated silence. After their small shopping spree at Macy's; she had brought Katie home and got her things together and then took her over to Frankie's and dropped her off for her much anticipated sleepover with Claire. Her daughter had kissed her goodbye and waved her off without issue, more interested in her cousins than her mother's plans to go out without her for the evening. She was glad for that…sometimes it wasn't that easy…sometimes her daughter wanted to go too.

Johanna got to her feet once again and went to the door, pulling back the curtain on the window to look outside. She had been home since four…giving herself plenty of time to bath, shave legs and wash hair so that she'd be through in the bathroom long before her husband was expected home. She had done her hair, put on her makeup and dressed…she had been ready at five thirty. A glance at her watch showed that it was now 6:18 and there was no sign of her husband. He hadn't called to say he'd be delayed…he was supposed to make the reservations for seven. Where was he? Had something happened to him? Her stomach dipped at the thought as she forced herself back to the living room to sit down. Surely he was fine…he had probably just been delayed…surely he was on his way. They could make it if hurried…they'd be pushing it but they could make it…if traffic was on their side…and being that it was Saturday night, traffic probably wouldn't be on their side.

She sighed softly; worry gnawing at her as she thought that maybe something had happened; maybe the car had an issue or he had misplaced his keys…maybe he had fallen asleep in his office. She closed her eyes for a moment, telling herself not to panic; if something was wrong, someone would've called…right? Johanna blew out a breath and grabbed the phone, dialing his office number and listening to it ring until finally the answering machine picked up. He wasn't there…that had to mean he was on his way, didn't it?

Johanna glanced at her watch once again; 6:22…he was coming…he had to be. He wasn't going to let her down again today, was he? He hadn't forgotten their plans…he had to be on his way. But deep inside she had her doubts, hurt, disappointment and fury slowly beginning to build within her.

She wasn't going to be stood up on her birthday, was she? Jim wouldn't do that to her…would he?

…_to be continued_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews! This one couldn't be contained in just two parts…it wants three so it shall be three…sorry not sorry._

Chapter 8 – Spiraling – Part 2

By eight that evening, Johanna's new black heels were abandoned beneath the coffee table and she was in the kitchen taking Jim's bottle of whiskey out of the cupboard. She poured herself a glass, knowing it wasn't the answer…but maybe she could find whatever it was that her husband found in it. She took a long sip, grimacing at the burn; feeling like liquid fire was sliding down her throat. She coughed a little as she carried the glass to the freezer so she could drop a few ice cubes into the amber colored liquid. She carried the glass and the bottle to the table and sat down, taking another sip…feeling that same burn once again, reminding her that it had been a long time since she had had something stronger than wine or champagne. Her days of staying out to all hours drinking with friends had ended long ago. Jim's however seemed to be going through a revival these last several months.

Tears stung her eyes as she thought of her husband. She couldn't believe that he had done this to her. He had actually stood her up on her birthday. In the past, she would've never thought him capable of being so thoughtless but he had proved her wrong. The ordeal at Christmas had been hurtful enough…but this was a new type of pain. It was bad enough that he had forgotten her birthday…it was worse that he had stood up there in their bedroom that morning and made plans with her that he apparently casually disregarded as soon as something more appealing came along. She didn't even warrant a phone call to tell her that he had changed his mind. Her vision blurred from the pool of tears in her eyes as she stared down into her glass.

Johanna scoffed softly as she wiped away a tear that broke free and slipped down her cheek. She supposed that she now knew for sure where she stood in the scheme of things. She listened to the ticking of the clock on the wall, the sound somewhat ominous in some way and she knew it was silly to feel that way but she did just the same. Thirty-three years old today and she felt like her life was spiraling out of control. Her husband was a stranger now a days…he was hardly around, his moods unpredictable. Their marriage was unraveling as quickly as a spool of thread and he didn't seem to care. She cared…she just didn't know how to fix it. Her career still felt unsteady; business at the law firm still a little slow despite having a few more cases than she had before the holidays. Her teaching position was still new and awkward…and she had to hear the peanut gallery of voices who liked to remind her that the class she taught was two more hours a week that she wasn't with her daughter.

She kept trying to do her best in every segment of life…and she kept feeling like she was failing. She ached inside almost constantly lately and yet she did her best to hide it. She had Katie to think of…her daughter didn't need to see her mother unhappy and depressed; so she pushed through it for her baby's sake, putting on a smile and baking brownies and playing endless rounds of Barbie dolls on the weekend while she dodged questions like 'when is daddy coming home?' and 'why isn't daddy happy anymore?'. Somehow she had lost control along the way. By the age of twenty-eight she had everything she had always wanted; a loving husband, a nice home, a beautiful baby, a successful career…and now, five years down the road, everything was different.

Johanna swiped another tear off her cheek and she took another drink; she wasn't even sure who she was anymore. Every day was the same lately; get up, get ready for work, get Katie ready to go to the babysitter, make breakfast…try to communicate with a husband who acted like she was invisible half the time. Try not to anger him too much in hopes that ignoring things would somehow make him realize what he was doing but that tactic didn't work any better than when she did speak up. She went to work, giving all the energy she could to each case, hoping it would lead to more work. There was dealing with Sharon who kept telling her to shake off her issues and not worry, let things take care of themselves. There was assuring Maggie that she was fine when they'd have lunch together. After work it was pick up Katie, give blasé answers to her in-laws when asked about Jim…try to keep her inner turmoil under wraps when she was with her own parents. Then it was go home, make dinner…eat with Katie while keeping a plate warm for Jim in hopes that he might come home before it had to be thrown out. Most evenings were spent trying to keep up on the cleaning, playing with Katie; getting her bathed and into bed…doing some work…watching tv as she sat up and waited for Jim to come home so she'd know he had gotten there safely. Two evenings a week she went to Columbia after a quick dinner…taught her class, picked up Katie and went home to the usual routines.

The tears came more rapidly; there weren't any date nights anymore. There wasn't whispered conversations and soft laughter in the dark. There weren't good morning kisses…sometimes there wasn't a kiss goodbye either. He didn't reach for her with the intent of love making on his mind. She was lucky if he rolled over in his sleep and draped his arm around her these days. The romance was gone…sometimes she felt like his love for her was gone too…and if it was, why didn't he just leave? She'd never force him to stay if he didn't want to…all he had to do was be honest; just say that he didn't love her anymore…that he didn't want to be a husband and full time father. That's all he had to do…she'd set him free if he asked her to; all he had to do was give her full custody of Katie and leave if that's what he wanted. It wasn't what she wanted…she didn't want her marriage to end but she couldn't help feeling like it was inevitable at this point. He didn't care about her…he didn't care that he barely saw Katie and when he did, he yelled at her for being loud or for bothering him at the wrong moment.

All he cared about was his job, his friends, his drinks. Anger flooded her veins, wrestling against the hurt and disappointment. She wished he had never gotten that damn promotion. It had done something to him…something she didn't like…something she feared. It would have been better if they hadn't offered him the promotion…maybe then things would still be the same between them. Maybe then he'd still talk to her about what bothered him…maybe then he'd still offer to listen to the things that gnawed at her day in and day out. She never realized just how much she confided in him until he pushed her away, leaving her with no choice but to keep her thoughts to herself.

The clock kept ticking as she finally allowed a soft sob to escape her lips; the ice clinking against her glass as she took another sip. She glanced at her watch, eight-thirty and she was still alone…her anger grew; fury licking her veins. She hoped he was enjoying whatever it was that was more important to him than she was.

* * *

Usually Saturday nights found Frank McKenzie in the company of his wife; either for an outing to a movie or bowling with friends…or on the sofa together in front of the television with a big bowl of popcorn and the phone unplugged so that they could be undisturbed for a few hours. But some Saturdays, like tonight, Naomi would ask him if he minded if she went to the theater with her best friend and then stopped for coffee and a pastry before going home. He didn't mind her occasional girls nights and he sent her on her way, telling her that he'd go out with one of his friends as well. His evening was going well, he and his friend Hank had gone bowling and now they were stopping in at a nearby bar for a beer and to watch some of the basketball game on TV.

"I think I'll take the grandkids to that kids day event at the bowling alley next weekend," Hank said after they settled down at a table and ordered their beers. "What about you, Frank?"

He nodded. "I'm going to try to get my brood of grandchildren together for it. I don't think I'll have any trouble getting Greg and Claire…I'm sure Johanna will let me take Katie. The real question will be Colleen's two oldest. I'll take any of them I can get though…it's time they learn the game," he said lightly, enjoying the idea as he thought of spending the day with the little ones, teaching them something he enjoyed.

"It'll be fun," Hank agreed. "Sandy's going to have to go along to help me with them though."

"Yeah; Naomi's going to have to go too but I don't think she'll mind."

Their beers were delivered to their table and Frank took a long sip as laughter and cheers sounded from the other end of the bar where a group of people were watching one of the televisions that the game was on.

"Hey, Frank; isn't that your son-in-law," Hank said, nodding at the group of people.

"Which son-in-law?" he asked, taking another sip of his beer.

"The one you were at a ballgame with over the summer…Johanna's husband I believe."

Fury snapped in his eyes. "It better not be Jim," he said firmly; turning in his seat to look in the direction Hank had indicated. "Son of a bitch," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" his friend asked.

"That's my son-in-law," he said angrily. "He was supposed to take Johanna out tonight to celebrate her birthday. She told us that this afternoon when she and Katie came over."

"I don't see Johanna in that group of people," Hank said; his eyes scanning the group for his friend's dark haired daughter.

"Of course not," he spat; "She's probably sitting home alone waiting on that little bastard to show up."

"Isn't he the son-in-law you liked?"

"Yeah…but I'm starting to like him less," Frank said as he rose from his chair.

"What are you going to do, Frank?"

"I'm going to go have a word with my daughter's husband…apparently he needs his attitude adjusted. I didn't like the little tidbits my granddaughter told me today and I don't like this even more. I'll be back."

Frank stalked across the bar, anger flickering in his veins as he neared the group of people. Sitting next to his son-in-law was a platinum blonde that had her hand on his arm. The woman had bimbo written all over her and he saw red. "Jim," he said firmly as he stepped up to the group of tables.

Jim flinched at the sound of his voice but quickly recovered. "Hey, Frank," he said lightly. "What are you doing here?"

Frank eyed him, his brown eyes cold and hard. "A better question is, what are _you _doing here?"

He looked at him oddly. "I'm having a drink with my colleagues…watching the game."

Frank nodded. "And where is your wife?"

"Who cares?" the woman next to Jim laughed. "She's no fun to have around."

Frank leveled her with a glare. "And just who the hell are you?"

"Melanie," she said; flicking her hair over her shoulder. "I'm Jim's friend. Who the hell are you?"

"I'm his father-in-law," he said firmly. "And if you've got something to say about my daughter; you go right ahead…but it might be the last thing you ever say."

Melanie rolled her eyes. "I see where Johanna gets her dramatics."

Frank gave her a cool smile. "You haven't seen dramatics yet. I don't hit women…but since you look to be a bimbo instead of a real woman with morals, I can make an exception. I suggest you go cozy up to someone else's husband because I have business to discuss with my son-in-law."

"You don't talk to me like that," Melanie said haughtily.

"Bitch, I'll talk to you any damn way I please," Frank remarked. "Respect isn't given, it's earned. You sit there and talk about my daughter while you have your hand on her husband…you get nothing from me…unless you want me to shut you up."

Melanie glared at him but got up from her chair. "I'm going to go touch up my make-up, Jim; we can finish our talk later when you're not busy."

Jim said nothing, seeing the wheels turning in his father-in-law's head and he knew he what he was thinking. "It's not what it looks like," he stated.

"Uh huh," Frank said, seeing the eyes upon them as Jim's friends watched with interest. "I want to speak to you…alone…now."

Jim sighed deeply. "Is something wrong?"

"There's something wrong alright," Frank remarked. "Now are you going to get up out of that chair and follow me or am I going to drag you out of it in front of your friends?"

Jim got up from the chair, his beer bottle in hand and followed Frank to an unoccupied corner of the bar. "What is it, Frank?"

"Where's Johanna?" he asked; fury in his tone.

"I guess she's at home, why?"

"Because she's supposed to be out with you," Frank spat. "She told us you were taking her out to dinner tonight…so either you took her for a happy meal and dumped her at home so you could run to the bar here to be with your friends or she's sitting home waiting on you to show your face."

Jim's eyes closed. "Christ," he muttered.

"He's not going to help you," his father-in-law said angrily.

"I forgot about dinner, Frank. I only meant to have the one drink but I got caught up talking and watching the game when it came on and it slipped my mind. I'll make it up to her."

Frank shook his head. "You don't even know it's her birthday, do you?"

His face blanched and shook his head. "It's not…it's next weekend."

"No; it's today."

"No, it isn't."

Frank's fist clenched in fury. "I'm her father, I know when the hell she was born. She was born on Sunday, February 4, 1951 at 5:03 a.m. in Brooklyn. Don't you tell me it isn't her birthday. If it wasn't her birthday, Naomi wouldn't have baked her a cake and took Katie to buy her gifts because once again you couldn't be bothered. I don't mind making sure that Katie has a gift for her mother…Johanna's our daughter, we'll take care of her, it's not a hardship…but what pisses me off is that it's supposed to be your job. I gave her to you…I did it without qualms because I trusted you to be a good man who take care of her, giving her everything she needs and wants. You're falling down on the job."

Jim scoffed. "You want to preach at me about how to treat Johanna? You? You who have hurt her more than anyone on the face of the earth and you want to preach at me?"

He grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "No, I don't want to preach at you…I want to punch you in the damn mouth, not just for what you just said but because I hear you like yelling at my granddaughter lately and I don't see where she's an ill behaved child who deserves being yelled at all the time."

"If I yell at Katie it's because she's done something to deserve it," he retorted as he jerked free of Frank's grasp. "Johanna coddles her so damn much that she gets away with everything."

"That's a lie and you know it," Frank retorted. "I've seen her discipline her. I'm not saying she shouldn't be disciplined for bad behavior…but the way it sounds, any excuse is good enough. She set at my table today and told me she was glad her daddy was working because all he does is yell. Then she told me all about how you yell and cuss at my daughter on the phone…so yeah, I don't want to preach at you, Jim. I want to punch you right in the mouth but I won't…not here anyway. I don't know what the hell is going on with you but you better knock it the hell off. I won't have you trifling with my daughter's heart."

"You're a good one to talk," Jim said with a laugh; "Standing there acting like Johanna's the apple of your eye. You've treated her like garbage most of her life and let's not forget, when you 'gave her away' to me, you told me once I took her there were no returns; so keep your nose out of my marriage and mind your own damn business."

Frank gave a short bitter laugh. "You listen to me you sanctimonious prick; I know I've never been the best father…I know I could've done better…but she's still my baby and no one hurts her and gets away with it. _No one_. If you don't want her, then you be a man and tell her it's over and I'll gladly take her back…because at the moment, you don't deserve her…but mark my words; when she goes, Katie goes with her…I'll make sure of that. Your mother wants to act like your family is on par with the Rockefellers but you're not…I've got just as much money or more than your family…and putting all of it behind Johanna to make sure she keeps her baby and her home and anything else you own will be money well spent; so you think about that smart ass. You think about it."

"We're not getting divorced," Jim spat. "I'm allowed to have a goddamn life! I don't have to sit home and hold her hand all day every day."

"No one asked you to. No one said you had to…but you married her and owe her some damn time and loyalty. You forget her birthday, you make dinner plans and you're here in a bar and she's sitting home alone because I know for a fact that Katie is at Frankie's for a sleepover. So my daughter is spending her night alone because clearly she's not important enough to you to remember. She had to beg you to come home for Christmas. You never seem to be around…now you've done this to her. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he spat.

"Oh it's something," Frank stated. "Are you running around on my daughter? Is that bimbo your mistress?"

"No! She's my colleague; nothing more."

"Uh huh…well let me tell you something, Jim; if I ever hear that you're screwing around on her, I swear to God, I'll kill you…and I've got plenty of construction sites to bury your ass in. I'll put you in one of those sites and put a ten story building on top of you and no one will ever find you. You'll just disappear."

Jim laughed. "Who do you think you are, the Godfather?"

"No; I'm worse," Frank stated. "I'm the father of two daughters…and while I admit, I wasn't the best father, I won't stand around and let some man hurt them, whether it be with an affair or their fists. I'd bury Paul just as easily as I'll bury you…so when you cross that line and lay down with that bimbo, you just remember that those things have a way of being found out…and I'll have a nice place waiting on you when I do. If you decide to move up from yelling at her to beating on her; I'll be beating on you until there's nothing left of you but whatever I throw in that hole. So you think long and hard about what the hell you're doing, Jim."

"I didn't mean to forget her birthday," Jim remarked. "The days got away from me…I thought it was next week."

"Seems like a lot of things get away from you lately," his father-in-law stated. "If you're not careful; your wife and daughter might get away from you too. You can judge me all you want…I know Johanna and I haven't had the best father-daughter relationship…but I loved her long before you ever entered the equation and I won't let you break her heart. Thirty-three years ago today I thanked God for answering our prayers for a healthy baby girl. Thirty-three years ago today, I knew I had it all…a successful business, a beautiful wife, a handsome son to carry on my name and a beautiful little girl to make us complete. So you can think of me what you want…but one day some man is going to break your daughter's heart and you're going to know how I feel right now…you're going to hurt for her…you're going to want to rip that man to shreds for having the audacity to hurt her. You're going to think about this moment…you're going to think about the hurt you caused. You're going to feel like an ass…you're going to want to apologize for the male species that you're apart of…and you won't like being apart of it once one of your own hurts _your_ baby. You'll think about how much you love her…and when you do, you remember that I love my daughter just as much."

Jim's gaze darted away from him, feeling chastened. "I'll do better," he said quietly.

"You better go beyond better," Frank stated. "You better get your head out of your ass and start acting like a man instead of stupid college kid who only cares about when the next party starts. You're a married man and a father; you better get back to acting like it or you're going to answer to me…you might look at me and think I'm some old man that you can handle…well I assure you, Jim; you can't. I will hurt you…and I won't feel one ounce of remorse for it. Now you've got two choices tonight; you can either go back over there with your friends and continue not to care or you can get your sorry ass out of this bar and go home to your wife…and if you don't take option two, I'm going to beat the living hell out of you tonight."

"I'm going," Jim spat, hating the feeling of being chastened...hating even more that it had came from Frank. He hadn't meant to stay so long…he didn't mean to forget her birthday. It didn't mean that he didn't love his wife…they were just having a rough spot…which would be easier if she was more understanding of the way things were right now.

"I don't see your feet moving," Frank remarked.

Jim glared at him. "You've gave me you're little spiel, Frank; you can go now. I'm leaving. I have to go try to find a gift to take home, is that okay with you?"

"You really think you're going to find something at nine-thirty when a lot of the stores are closing as we speak? You never used to be so stupid, Jim. If that's what promotions do for you, you might want to think about passing on them because you can't afford to get any dumber."

"I'm not stupid!" he hissed.

"Yeah, you are," Frank replied. "You're a stupid ass. You've got a good, faithful woman who loves you at home, a pretty little girl who adores you and you'd rather spend all your time away from them. Yeah; you're stupid…it's a shame how stupid you've gotten. You were the son-in-law I liked."

"You don't like me anymore?" Jim repeated.

"No, I don't…right now I just want to rip your head off. Now if you were to cure your stupidity and go back to treating my daughter and granddaughter with the love and respect they deserve, then you can earn back my respect and esteem. Until then, I don't like you any more than I like Paul…and that's not much. Now get your coat and get the hell out of this bar before I throw you out of it myself," Frank stated; "And keep in mind that I can show up anywhere at any time…just like I did tonight…and if I catch you doing something I don't like; something that hurts my daughter…it'll be your last night on the town."

"I got the message, Frank," Jim retorted as he stormed away, making his way back to the table and grabbing his coat off the back of the chair.

"Where you going, Jim?" Zach asked.

"Home to my wife," he stated tersely before downing the rest of his beer and leaving the bottle on the table.

"Make sure that's where you go," Frank said as Jim neared him once more. "I'm going to be here for awhile…so if you're thinking about circling the block a few times and coming back; I'll be waiting for you."

"I'm going to find my wife a gift and then I'm going home," Jim stated as he pushed past his father-in-law; a sinking feeling in his gut as the realization of what he had done sunk in. He forgot her birthday…he broke their date…she was going to be angry. He really hadn't meant to hurt her like this…but he had a feeling that she wouldn't believe him anymore than Frank did.

* * *

His watch said ten-thirty when Jim finally walked through the door of his home; feeling a little thankful that he hadn't found his belongings on the lawn…because he had envisioned many scenarios on the way home and that one seemed the most likely. The house was oddly quiet as he laid the bouquet of roses and the card down on the stand and shrugged out of his coat. There weren't any sounds of a television or a radio…no sounds of a four year old…no sounds of a wife moving around, putting things to rights. Trepidation slid down his spine as he gathered up the flowers and stepped into the living room. The room was void of his wife's presence. Jim frowned a little moving further into the room, noting the shiny black heels lying under the coffee table; the gift bags containing presents that she had set in front of the tv stand to be dealt with later.

He sighed quietly, laying the flowers on the arm of the couch so that he could pick up the pile of cards on the coffee table; figuring he may as well see who had remembered while he had been busy forgetting. The first card read was signed Love Frankie and Valerie; the following card, Greg and Claire; then came one signed by Colleen; then was a card signed Lindsey, Samantha and Brandon…one signed Love Mom and Dad…Love Grandma…with love, Elizabeth and Robert…"

Jim closed his eyes; God, even his parents had remembered. There was a card signed Maggie, Jeff, Chrissy and Jeffery…one from Sharon and Molly…Mark and Cathy…Aunt Bridget and Uncle Will; Andrew. Christ, even his own brother had remembered and according to the postmark, he had mailed the card several days ago from Colorado where he was working on a project. Great. Just great. On the bottom of the pile was the construction paper card that Katie had made…another reminder that he had dropped the ball and that his in-laws once again had to provide his daughter with an impromptu shopping trip to find a gift for her mother. He blew out a breath and put the cards back on the coffee table. The card he had chosen for his wife at the drug store was somewhat plain; there hadn't been much of a selection. He had tucked a fifty dollar bill in it…she wouldn't like that but it was all he had besides the flowers. The jewelry stores were closed…there hadn't been time to browse Macy's or Bloomingdales in search of the perfect gift.

Her birthday was always a difficult shopping trip…the day came six weeks after Christmas and ten days before Valentines Day. That was a lot of gift buying in a short period of time. Coming home empty handed in the area of a nice gift didn't make him feel good...but there wasn't anything he could do about it now. He'd just have to make it up to her somehow. He gathered up the flowers and headed for the kitchen, noting that the light was on as he made his way up the hallway. Slowly he crossed the threshold, his gaze finding his wife at the table, a glass of whiskey in her hand; her green eyes dark and stormy with anger.

"I'm sorry, Johanna," he said quietly as he met her eye.

Johanna scoffed. "Spare me your false apologies, Jim. I don't want to hear it."

"It's the truth…I am sorry," he told her. "So very sorry."

"The hell you are," she said, her voice rising as she got up from her chair, allowing him to see that she was still clad in the dress she had bought for their dinner date. "Where were you?"

Jim said nothing, taking stock of the anger that he could read in her face and her body.

"Where were you!" she yelled. "Answer me!"

"I finished up my business at four and the guys invited me out to have a drink…I thought I'd have time for just one…but then I got caught up talking and time got away from me," he replied.

"I just bet it got away from you," she said sharply. "You knew that you stood there in our bedroom this morning and made plans with me. You knew! You tell me to go buy a new dress…which I did…you tell me you'll make the reservations for seven and to be ready on time…I was ready at five-thirty…while you were already sitting in a bar forgetting that I even exist."

He shook his head. "It's not like that."

"Yeah, it is," she yelled, wobbling a little as she moved away from her chair. "Having that drink with your buddies is so much more important than anything you promise me."

"Don't start about the drinking, Jo," Jim replied. "You're sitting there drinking yourself."

"Yes, I am," she said; "I thought maybe I could find whatever it gives you but I haven't found any happiness in it like you do. All it did for me was give me something to hold while I thought about where you might be...and why everyone else is so much better to be with than me."

"Jo," he sighed, moving closer. "It's not like that."

"Yeah, it is. You make it so obvious that you don't want to be here. You make it so clear that Katie and I are just your obligations…"

"No," Jim stated; "That's not true."

Johanna gave a bitter laugh. "Oh really? I guess that's why you didn't tell your friends that you'd catch them the next time; that you needed to go home because you told your wife you'd take her out for a change…but no, you didn't do that. You never do that because we don't matter. You don't want to be with us…because if you did, you'd be here."

"I have to work, Johanna."

"I'm aware of that, Jim. I have to work too…and yet I'm still home every night. You don't have to sit and worry about where I am and what I'm doing…but I get to sit and worry about you. Ever since you got that goddamn promotion all you are is mister hot shot; all you care about is work and your friends and your drinks. You go out every night and have yourself a real good time while I'm home raising your child…and cooking meals you don't show up to eat, washing your clothes, making sure the bills are paid because you can't be bothered to tend to anything lately. It must be nice to be so free of responsibilities. It must be nice to just do whatever the hell you want when the mood strikes."

"You do plenty of things you want," Jim retorted.

Johanna laughed. "Oh sure, as long as it's somewhere I can take Katie with me…because it's not like her daddy ever stays home to look after her for an hour. No; can't have that, it might get in the way of that ball game or that drink you need to have to 'blow off steam'…you'd think you were a locomotive instead of a so called man with all the steam you blow off. All I get to do is go to work, come home, cook meals, wash clothes, clean the house, take care of Katie, wait and see if you're drunken ass ever falls through the door and then I get up and do it all over again the next day and the one after that and the one after that…while you do whatever you please because you don't care, Jim. You don't care. You don't want to be here. You don't want me…you don't even want Katie…do you know that you haven't even seen her in two days?"

"That's a lie!" he yelled.

"No, it isn't! You saw her for about twenty minutes Thursday night…you left for work before I got her up Friday; she was in bed before you came home; she was still asleep when you left this morning and she'll be at her sleepover until lunchtime tomorrow. You haven't seen her and you don't care that you haven't seen her. All you do is yell at her because she aggravates your hangovers by speaking or because she wants your attention and all you want to do is drown in work. You're on track to have a real good relationship with her in the future. She's already walking around here checking rooms to make sure you're not in them before she sets foot in it."

His jaw tightened with anger. "Yeah; well maybe I'd see her more if you hadn't moved her bedtime up."

"I moved her bedtime up a half hour because I was tired of her having to cry herself to sleep because you either yelled at her or brushed her off when she'd ask you to read her a story. She loves you and you haven't done a damn thing to show her that you love her lately."

"I'll apologize to Katie again. I'll make it up to her."

"Sure you will," she said sarcastically. "And let me guess, you'll make dinner up to me too, right?"

"I will," he said with a nod.

"Yeah; when hell freezes over," Johanna retorted. "Did you even bother to make a reservation tonight, Jim?

He breathed deeply. "What does it matter? I did but you're not going to believe me."

"You're right," she said angrily; "I don't. I don't believe you at all. You didn't have any intention of taking me out tonight."

"I did, sweetheart."

She scoffed, looking as though she had been slapped by the word. "Don't you sweetheart me," she said, her voice shaking.

"I always call you sweetheart," Jim replied.

"No, you used to," she stated. "You haven't lately. Lately it's 'Johanna'…because all I have to do is look at you and you get pissed off at me."

"Well sometimes you do piss me off," he retorted. "Sometimes you just don't listen…you have to nag and complain and mother. I don't need a goddamn mother, I already have one."

"You don't seem to need a wife lately either," she shot back. "Maybe you have a new one lined up."

"Don't even go there!" he yelled.

"Why not? Is it hitting close to the truth?"

"No, it isn't! I don't have anyone lined up to be a wife…I already have one and if I didn't, I sure as hell wouldn't want another one."

Johanna swallowed hard. "You don't have to have me, Jim. It's quite easy to get rid of me."

He blew out an exasperated breath. "I don't want to get rid of you. I'm sorry about tonight. I'm sorry that I got the days mixed up and didn't realize that today was your birthday. I'm sorry," he said, holding the bouquet of roses out to her.

She stared at the flowers for a moment and then looked him in the face. "Twelve roses are supposed to make up for it?" she asked. "Twelve roses that you probably bought on the way home after someone mentioned the date and you knew you needed to save your ass? Well you wasted your money; I don't want them."

"Jo, please; take them," he said thrusting them into her arms.

She smirked at the red roses he forced into her hands and then she stormed across the kitchen and threw them into the trash can. "That's what I think of your pity gift, Jim."

"There's money in the card you just threw away."

"I don't care. I don't want your money! I wanted you!" she yelled. "Why don't you get that!"

"I'm sorry!" he yelled back. "Mistakes happen, Johanna. I didn't do it on purpose regardless of what you think! You're thirty-three years old; you don't need to carry on about a birthday like you're Katie's age!"

"Are you really stupid enough to think it's about my birthday?" Johanna exclaimed. "It's not about that, jackass; it's about the fact that you stood me up after making plans with me. It's about the fact that last weekend you promised we'd be together today. It's about how you constantly break promises lately. It's about so many things…it's about how you're too much of a coward to tell me that you don't love me anymore."

"That's not true!" Jim yelled. "I love you!"

"No, you don't!" she cried; tears spilling down her cheeks. "You don't give a damn about me anymore. All I am to you is your child care provider, your cook, your laundress, the person who picks up your dry cleaning…I'd say and your whore but you don't seem to need me for that anymore either. You don't even look at me let alone act like you want me. You don't talk to me; we don't do anything together anymore. We don't have a marriage anymore…all we are is roommates. I sat here all night wondering when you're going to be a man and tell me it's over…because we both know it is, Jim."

His heart clenched, his stomach tightening with fear that he turned into anger. "Don't you say that!" he seethed. "Our marriage isn't over because I forgot a damn dinner date!"

"It's not about the damn dinner; it's about everything I said!" she yelled. "I know it's over…I just keep waiting on you to tell me."

"It's not over," he said angrily. "I'll do better, Johanna; I swear I will. I'll make tonight up to you."

She scoffed, swiping at her tears as she did so. "Yeah, right; we'll be divorced by my next birthday so I highly doubt you're going to make anything up."

"Don't say that," Jim said, his tone quiet and firm.

"Why? You have an aversion to the truth nowadays?"

"Your side of things isn't the gospel truth, Johanna," he retorted. "You do what you want all the time; whether it be with your shopping sprees or taking the job at Columbia without discussing it with me."

"I tried to discuss it with you! You kept brushing me off. As for what I buy; my money pays for it!"

"You kept the job even after you told me you'd back out," Jim shot back.

"Yeah; I did. I wanted it and I kept it because I wanted something for myself for a change!"

"You get everything you want!" Jim thundered. "You wanted marriage; you got it. You wanted a baby; you got one. You wanted a house, you got one. You have a closet full of clothes and shoes, a jewelry box full of jewelry, a car. You have everything and it's still not enough for you! What more do you want!?"

"You," she murmured. "It's always you."

"You have me!"

Johanna shook her head. "I have your name but I don't seem to have you lately."

"That's bullshit," he said; his own frustration growing.

"No, it isn't. You're hardly around…and I know, you have to travel for work, I understand that. What I don't understand is why you take every opportunity to be away from home when you're not traveling. I don't understand it. It's like you go out of your way to stay away from home. We barely talk when you are here; I say the least little thing and you take my head off about it…because you're a mean drunk a lot of the time…and you're even worse hungover. You don't even know what goes on in my life and when I try to tell you, you just brush me off. You don't talk to me…not even about yourself. We used to share everything. We used to do things together…you used to get mad when our plans would be interrupted and now you're the one breaking them so you can stay away."

"I'm surprised that you even notice that I'm not home," Jim retorted; "You're always so busy trying to be mother of the year; you're so desperate to be just like your mother that you pour most of your effort into it. Katie gets all of your attention; you don't have anything left over."

"That's a lie!" she yelled; "I've got plenty for you; you just don't want it! And for that matter, Katie has to have at least one parent because you're not overly interested anymore."

Jim scoffed. "When you're not busy with Katie; you're busy brooding over losing your job because you just can't let it go. Well it's time to get over it, Johanna; you didn't play the game the way they wanted. Move on. As for us doing things, like I told you earlier, I shouldn't have to date you any more, we're married. I've got a job that has me extremely busy; you have two jobs and Katie…we don't have time for dating. We already did that; we moved on. I can't just drop things to sit here and hold your hand all the time. I have to work and I like having a damn life outside of this house. Maybe if you got one you wouldn't be like this. You don't need Katie glued to your hip all the time; that's why she's the way she is."

Her heart felt like it was in pieces, her eyes blurring from tears but she was determined not to let them fall. "Don't worry, Jim; when the time comes, I'll be taking Katie with me. You can give me full custody and then you won't have to be bothered by us…we won't be in the way of you having a life."

He felt like his heart dropped at the words. "You're not going anywhere."

"We'll see about that. I'm going to start the paperwork Monday," Johanna said, picking up her glass and downing the rest of the contents. "Happy Birthday to me."

Fear slammed into him at the words; he didn't want to lose her or Katie. He didn't want this. She moved around the table, aiming to leave the room and he caught hold of her wrist but she shook him off. He ran after her, catching hold of her elbow at the stairs. "Jo, please…don't do that. Don't leave me."

"Why not?" she cried, allowing the tears to break free. "You don't want me anymore."

"That's not true; I do want you," he said, his hands circling her arms. "Please, sweetheart…doesn't do anything drastic. Please. I'm sorry…I really am; please believe me, I'm sorry…not just about tonight but for everything. I'll do better."

"That's what you said at Christmas," she sniffled. "And then you came home for New Year's and acted like an ass."

"I know," Jim murmured, taking the risk of slipping his arms around her waist, his fingertips rubbing against the small of her back. "I didn't mean to be. I'm sorry; I'll make it up to you, I swear I will. I'll do better, I promise."

"I'd like to believe that," Johanna replied; her heart aching. She didn't want her marriage to end…but in some ways it felt like it already had. It didn't have to be a permanent feeling though…if he'd just give a little effort. Didn't he realize that maybe she'd quit dwelling on so much if she had a sliver of his attention…if she could talk things out with him like she always had? All he had to do was give her some effort and she'd settle some too.

"You can believe me," he told her. "I know I have to leave for Vermont for work next Sunday…but I promise I won't go out this whole week. I'll come home on time. I'll watch Katie this week while you teach your class; I'll play whatever game she wants to play and I promise I'll be more patient with her. She doesn't mean to get loud sometimes, she's just a little girl and she gets excited. Friday night we'll go out to dinner and see a movie; I'm sure Mom would watch her while we're doing that. Just give me another chance…please? I love you, Johanna. I love Katie. Please don't start any paperwork. Give me another chance, sweetheart."

Despite her anger and frustration, her heart overruled her head. She could at least give him a chance if he was willing to try. "You're not going to go out this week?"

"No."

"No drinking?" she asked.

He hesitated; sometimes he needed a drink after work. "Even at home?"

Johanna eyed him; wondering if she demand zero drinks or if she should offer a compromise. "You don't think you can do with out it?"

He breathed deeply. "I'm sure I can…but sometimes it's nice to have a drink after a long day at work."

"Can you just have one?" she asked; seeing the compromise instead of a ban.

Jim nodded. "Yeah; I can just have one."

"Could you wait to have it until after Katie is bed?" she asked; hoping that if she put that restriction on it then he might forget to have it all.

"Okay," he replied; unwilling to argue the timeframe when she had looked so serious about obtaining divorce papers.

"You're going to watch her while I teach my class?"

"Yes; I swear."

"Alright," she murmured.

"You won't start any paperwork?" Jim asked.

She shook her head. "No."

A small smile of relief touched his lips. "Thank you, sweetheart," he told her, taking the risk of capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "It's just a bad spot but I'll make it better."

Johanna nodded in acceptance of his words, wanting nothing more than to believe it would get better now but she knew it wouldn't be that easy…nothing ever was.

Since she made no move to step away from him, Jim caught her lips once more for a deeper kiss, desperate to prove that he loved her. She allowed his kiss and he grew hopeful that maybe they could salvage a small part of the night as he pulled her closer, his mouth moving to the side of her neck but she pulled away. "No, not this time," Johanna said quietly. "I'm not just going to fall into bed with you tonight and pretend it's all better as soon as it's over…I'm not. Not tonight…not so you can feel like you proved something…and not because I want to be comforted. Not this time."

"Okay," he said, his hands slipping away from her. "I understand."

"I'm going to bed," she murmured. "I don't feel all that great."

"That's probably the whiskey," Jim commented.

"I never could drink on an empty stomach," Johanna remarked as she turned and headed up the stairs, feeling like her stomach might rebel at any moment.

Jim watched her go, thinking about the dinner he was supposed to take her to and how she had set home all night by herself…drinking on an empty stomach. She wasn't drunk but she'd probably had enough that it would make her sick. She never could take more than a shot or two of whiskey without getting sick at some point in the night. He sighed deeply as he stared up the stairs, listening to the squeak of the bathroom door as it closed. He wondered if he was welcome to share their bed that night or if she'd want him to sleep elsewhere. Figuring that he better ask before he assumed that he was welcome, he headed up the stairs and was about to knock on the bathroom door when he heard her being sick. Jim paused for a moment and then opened the door, slipping inside and going to her, pulling her hair back from her face as she continued to be sick. When she finished, he got her a cool washcloth and wiped her face. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Johanna said quietly as she took the cloth and pressed it to her face once again. "I don't know what you see in it…I'm not even drunk and I feel hungover."

"You're just not used to it…you haven't really drank anything but wine in a good while."

"Now I know why," she said as she moved to the sink to brush her teeth.

"Jo?"

"What?"

"Am I allowed to sleep in our room?" he asked.

She was quiet for a long moment as she put the toothpaste on her toothbrush. "Yeah; I guess so."

"You're sure?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah…but I meant what I said…nothing's going to happen tonight so don't even think about it…because if you try it, you will sleep elsewhere."

"I know and I understand…I am sorry about tonight though."

"Yeah; you've told me."

He knew what that meant he thought to himself; he had told her but she wasn't sure she believed it. Quietly he left the room to allow her her privacy as she got ready for bed. It felt like it was going to be a long night…and part of him wished he could pour a quick nightcap to sip as he locked up the house and waited for his turn in the bathroom but he didn't think that would be wise.

* * *

Later that night when he entered their bedroom; Johanna was already in bed, turned mostly away from his side but her face was visible and he knew she was still awake despite her light being turned off.

"I took your flowers out of the garbage," he said quietly as he slipped into his place.

"You should've left them there…I don't want them. I don't want to look at them and think about tonight," Johanna said softly.

"They're just a promise that I'll get you something better."

"You don't have to get me anything."

"Yes, I do and I will," Jim stated.

He could but she knew that whatever it ended up being she probably wouldn't use it. It would lay in a drawer somewhere, hidden away so she could forget this disaster of a birthday.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" her husband asked.

"If you want to…but just a kiss."

"I know," he said as he shifted, leaning over her to kiss her goodnight. "I love you."

"I love you too," Johanna whispered; hating that it had taken the threat of divorce papers to bring back his affectionate side.

Jim turned off his light and settled back into his spot as she turned her back more fully to him. "I keep wanting to tell you Happy Birthday but I know it's probably not the best thing to say."

She scoffed. "That's the understatement of the year so far. With the exception of the time spent with Katie and my mother, it's been one of the worst birthdays of my life. I think I'll just skip it next year."

He grew quiet, feeling like scum for ruining her day…for breaking their plans and perhaps even her heart tonight. He laid there in the darkness thinking about how badly he had screwed up and then he heard the soft sniffles from her side of the bed, telling him that she was crying once more. His heart throbbed and he moved across the center of the bed and wrapped his arm around her, his chest pressing against her back as she brushed a soft kiss to her hair. "I'm sorry," Jim whispered. "So sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry."

After a few minutes, she gave in and turned in his embrace, nestling against his chest for the first time in days…maybe even weeks she thought sleepily to herself. His arm tightened around her as he continued to murmur soft words to her and soon she drifted to sleep; tear drops seeping through his thin cotton shirt.

Jim sighed deeply once he knew she was asleep. He had to make this up to her…he just didn't know how.

* * *

Late the next morning, Jim parked in front of Frankie's house and got out of the car with the intent of collecting his daughter. He felt like he had practically begged Johanna to allow him to do it, telling her to stay home and nurse the slight headache she had. She had resisted at first and he figured she probably worried that he'd stop off somewhere and forget to pick up their child but that wasn't going to happen. He needed to get Katie and then he needed to go find some gifts for his wife and some way to make up for the night before. He didn't think he'd be able to talk her into going out…so they'd have to do something at home.

He knocked on the door and Valerie opened it, ushering him into the living room where the kids were playing; Claire and Katie sitting on Frankie's back giggling as he pretended to be their horse.

"Alright, ride's over," Frankie stated. "Everyone out of the saddle."

The girls slid off his back and Katie's giggles faded as she noticed her father in the room. "You ready to go, Katie?" Jim asked, noting that her overnight bag was sitting on the couch.

Katie frowned, pressing close to her uncle's leg as he got to his feet. "Where's Mommy?" she asked.

"At home," he replied. "Why don't you say goodbye to your cousins and we'll get going."

Her bottom lip poked out. "I want Mommy."

"You'll see Mommy when you get home. Come on, honey, say goodbye and let's get your stuff."

"Her bag is all packed, I got it ready a little while ago," Valerie said with a nod at Katie's overnight bag. "I double checked to make sure her bunny was in there."

Jim nodded. "Thanks for having her over last night."

"Oh that's no problem," Valerie said; "She's always nice to have over; the kids had fun. You can come back soon, Katie."

"I want Mommy to take me home," Katie remarked.

"Mommy's waiting for you at home," Jim said; trying not to be frustrated by his daughter's behavior. He really hadn't expected that she'd have an issue with him picking her up; it wasn't like he never had before. "Let's go."

"No, I don't want to go with you," she stated.

"Why doesn't she want to go with you?" Frankie asked, eyeing his brother-in-law with slight suspicion.

Jim sighed. "I yelled at her the other day and she's holding a grudge. Go get your coat, Katie. We've got things to do."

"He yells all the time," Katie stated.

"I do not," he retorted. "Get your coat on."

"Come on, Katie," Valerie said, holding her hand out to her. "I'll help you with your coat."

"Why didn't Johanna come to get her?" Frankie asked.

"Because she has a headache and I told her to rest. Why? Do you think I did something to her?"

"It just seemed odd because the majority of the time she does the dropping off and picking up…and then Katie saying she didn't want to go with you. You can't blame me for wondering. I could just drop her off after while if you have things to do and Johanna isn't feeling well."

"No," Jim said; "I'm going to take her with me. She's not going to get in the habit of having her own way all the time. Johanna coddles her enough."

"Maybe Katie should stay here," Frankie remarked. "You don't seem to be in a good mood and she doesn't want to go."

"Quit looking at me like I abuse her. I'm sure you yell at your kids, in fact I've heard you do it."

"Yeah, I do yell at them sometimes," Frankie replied; "But it doesn't stop them from walking out the door with me. Johanna hasn't been acting like herself for weeks and Katie's saying she doesn't want to leave with you so that tells me that something's wrong. What the hell is going on, Jim?"

"Nothing," he sighed. "We're just having a little rough spot; it happens to everyone. You don't need to act like I beat my wife and kid because I don't."

"I didn't say you did," his brother-in-law remarked. "All I said was that something seems wrong. If I thought you were beating on them, I would've done taken care of you…and since your neck isn't broken you can assume that I didn't leap to that conclusion."

"Good, because it's not like that."

"That's good," he said; "Because I don't really want to go to jail right now…but I would if it came down to it. I take it that you and Johanna didn't have a good night out."

"We didn't go out."

Frankie's brow furrowed. "She said you were; that's why we had Katie last night."

"We were supposed to go out but I didn't get home in time."

"You stood her up on her birthday?" Frankie asked. "That takes a special kind of asshole."

Jim smirked at him. "Thanks…but in my defense, which I admit isn't very good either, I didn't realize that it was her birthday."

"Wow," he said; "You not only stood her up, you forgot her birthday. Yeah; that's an extra special kind of asshole. Way to go. I'm surprised you're alive to talk about it."

"I'm probably only alive because she doesn't have a gun."

"She doesn't need one; she hits pretty hard for a girl. I know because I taught her how to do it and she showed her appreciation by giving me a black eye the next time I pissed her off."

"I guess I got off lucky then," Jim replied although he didn't feel lucky.

"She's all ready," Valerie said as she brought Katie back into the room. "She's already said goodbye to Claire and Greg."

"Thanks for keeping her," Jim stated as he picked up Katie's bag from the sofa and then lifted his daughter into his arms to make sure there wouldn't be any fit about going.

"No problem," Valerie said. "Come back soon, Katie."

"Bye Aunt Valerie," Katie said softly. "Bye Uncle Frankie."

"Bye, Katie Bug," Frankie told her. "You can come have another sleepover with Claire soon."

"See you later," Jim said, carrying Katie to the door and slipping out before anymore questions could be asked. "Did you have fun last night?" he asked his daughter as he made his way to the car and opened the back door.

"Yes," she answered.

"That's good," he replied as he put her in the car and buckled her in, putting her bag on the seat beside her. "I'm glad you had fun with your cousins."

He double checked to make sure she was secure and then he closed the door and made his way to the driver's side and got in, starting the engine and heading for the city. It was quiet for several minutes as he drove the only sound coming from the radio. He glanced in the rearview mirror at his daughter; she was usually chatty in the car, liked to ask questions about what things were and where they were going…but she was quiet…like he'd been asking her to be for days. He frowned as he stopped for a light; he didn't want her to be silent. "Katie; you know I'm sorry that I yelled at you the other day, don't you?"

"Yes, Daddy," she said quietly.

"I can't hear you," he lied; "You have to speak up. I am sorry though…I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

She shrugged and he sighed a little as the light turned and he began to drive again. "I needed you to come with me because I need to get presents for mommy's birthday."

"Mommy's birthday was yesterday," Katie remarked.

"I know…but I forgot and I made mommy sad…so now I need to make her feel better and I need you to help me."

"I want to go home with Mommy."

"We will but you can help me first…I'll buy you a toy," Jim said; hoping to gain a way back to her good side.

"What kind of toy?"

"What kind do you want?"

"My Little Pony."

Jim smiled; that was a relatively small request. "Okay, honey; I'll get you a new pony for your collection. Do you know which one you want?"

"Uh huh, the Starshine pony; she's got rainbow hair."

"A rainbow pony, huh?" he said; "That sounds like a good one. We'll get that one."

Katie smiled. "Thank you, Daddy!"

He smiled; his daughter was easily compensated…it only took a My Little Pony. His wife would be harder to compensate. She couldn't be won over with a new toy…but he'd do his best by stopping at the jewelry counter at Macys."

"Daddy," Katie said, breaking into his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I want a real pony."

"I know, honey; but we talked about that. We can't have a pony; we don't have anywhere to keep it."

"We can keep it in the garage."

"Ponies don't like garages," he replied. "They like a nice warm stable. But you know what, my Uncle Harry has horses on his farm."

"He does?"

"Yeah, he does…this summer I'll take you and Mommy to Uncle Harry's so you can see the horses and we'll ride them too."

"Does Uncle Harry got a pony!?"

"Oh I'm sure he'll have a pony; he usually has one or two every year but we have to wait until summer, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"I took Mommy to Uncle Harry's a long time ago so she could ride the horses because she hadn't ever done it before."

"Did she like it?"

"Yeah; she liked it…and she named a pony while she was there."

"What did she name it?" Katie asked excitedly.

"Sweetheart," he replied. "She named her Sweetheart; and you know what, Sweetheart still lives at Uncle Harry's farm. She's all grown up now."

"I want to see her!"

"We will when we go to Uncle Harry's. He's got all kinds of things you can see."

"Does he got a piggy?"

"No; but he has some chickens."

"I want to see those," Katie said.

"Don't worry, you will. You, me and mommy will go there this summer and when we're finished there, we'll go to the beach. Mommy likes the beach a lot."

"Me too; we can build sandcastles!"

"That's right, sweetie; we'll build sandcastles," he said as he began to look for a place to park. He just hoped that these plans he was making for summer trips would pan out and that his wife wouldn't leave him by then. He had to make up this birthday…he wasn't exactly sure how but he had to try. He just had to try…he just hoped that Katie's presence would mean that she would be receptive…if only to keep the peace in front of their child.

…_to be continued_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

Chapter 9 – Spiraling- Part 3

"Daddy, when am I going to get my pony?" Katie asked, obediently holding his hand as they walked through Macy's.

"We have to find some presents for Mommy first and then we'll go to the toy store and get your pony," Jim replied.

"What are we going to get for Mommy?" she asked.

"I don't know," he admitted as they made their way to the jewelry counter. "Let's see if we can find something pretty here."

"What about this?" Katie said; pointing to a diamond ring in the case.

"She already has a diamond ring," Jim replied. "Let's look in this other case; this jewelry is Mommy's birthstone."

"It's pretty purple," she said, gazing into the case.

"That's right; it's purple…it's called amethyst," he told her. "Do you think Mommy would like earrings?"

"Grandma got her earrings."

"What kind?"

"Sparkly kind."

That could be almost anything, Jim mused; probably best to skip the earring. "What about this bracelet?"

Katie shrugged and he frowned; this wasn't going to be easy. "Maybe a ring?" he asked.

"I don't see a ring, Daddy."

Jim picked her up and pointed to the ring in the case; an amethyst stone set on a white gold band, two small diamonds on either side of it. "Do you think Mommy would like that ring?"

"Yeah; that's pretty," his daughter replied.

"Okay, that will be one of Mommy's presents," he said, motioning the salesgirl forward before sitting his daughter down.

He told the salesgirl what he wanted as Katie drifted away, looking into the jewelry cases. "Stay where I can see you, Katie," he told her.

"Mommy would like this Daddy!" she exclaimed, pointing her small finger against the glass.

"What is it?" he asked as he moved toward her while the salesgirl got the ring ready.

"That," she said pointing to a necklace that held a ruby heart.

It looked a bit gaudy and Jim shook his head. "No, I don't think she would."

"Uh huh," his daughter said stubbornly.

"No, honey; I don't think Mommy would wear that."

"Yes, she would! I will buy it for her."

"You don't have any money," he laughed.

"Mommy will like that!" she exclaimed.

"Katie; Mommy doesn't wear things like that…that heart is a little big."

She frowned. "Maybe she don't wear it cause she don't got none."

She had a point there, Jim couldn't help but think…but he didn't think Johanna would like it. Of course he had been wrong before. "Alright, Katie; you can get it for Mommy for Valentine's Day," he relented.

"Thank you, Daddy!"

"You're welcome…make sure you tell her that picked it out."

"I will!"

"I'll take that heart necklace too," Jim said to the salesgirl as he caught her eye; "And that pair of ruby earrings…may as well get my Valentine shopping done while we're here."

"I'll wrap them up for you, sir," the salesgirl replied.

"Thanks," he said; thinking about the hit his credit card was about to take.

"Daddy."

"What?"

"What do I get for Valentine's Day?" his daughter asked.

He smiled; his daughter wasn't about to be left out of the gift giving. "How about instead of just the one My Little Pony, you can get two."

Her eyes lit up and she hugged his leg. "I like that!"

"Okay; it's a deal then," he said, patting her head. "Two ponies for my Princess."

The salesgirl returned with his bag and he handed over his credit card to pay for the purchases. "What else should we get Mommy?" Jim asked once he had his card back in his wallet and his daughter's hand in his while he held tightly to the bag of jewelry.

"I don't know," Katie replied.

"What did you give her?"

"Pretty gloves and a cup with her name on it; she's taking it to work cause she needs it there and I got her a book and a pretty pin for on her coat."

Jim nodded. "What did Grandma get her?"

"Pretty earrings and clothes and Grandpa gave her a shiny pen that has her name on it," Katie replied.

"You and Grandma didn't leave me much to work with," he remarked. "Did Mommy get any other presents?"

"Uh huh; Nona gave her a pretty jewelry box."

"She already has a jewelry box."

"Nona gave her a little jewelry box; Mommy says it's just for rings."

"Oh, okay…any other presents?"

"Aunt Valerie gave Mommy a picture for office that Mommy liked when she and Aunt Valerie went to see pictures at a place called a gallery."

"When did Mommy and Valerie go to a gallery?"

Katie shrugged. "When me and Claire and Greg played at Grandma's house with Grandpa cause Grandma went too."

"Grandpa watched you and your cousins?"

"Uh huh; it was fun. Grandpa ordered pizza and we built buildings with blocks and played cars and watched TV."

"Huh," Jim said, wondering when all of that had happened. He hadn't been aware of that tidbit that was for sure.

"Aunt Colleen gave Mommy a big thing of all her favorite makeup and new makeup brushes. Mommy really liked that!" Katie said. "It had a pretty makeup bag too."

"Definitely not much left for Daddy," Jim muttered. "Any other gifts?"

"Aunt Maggie gave Mommy a tificate to get her nails done."

"You mean a gift certificate?"

"Yeah. Mommy said I can go with her and maybe they will paint my nails too."

"That will be fun for you," Jim replied. "Anything else?"

"Aunt Sharon gave her a tificate for Macy's."

"A gift certificate for Macy's," Jim repeated. "Damn."

"What's wrong, Daddy? You getting sad again?" she asked as she looked up at him.

"No, Princess; I just don't know what to get Mommy besides her ring. I have to get her some other things. Don't you know anything that Mommy wants?"

"She wants you to come home at dinner time," Katie stated.

Jim closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I know...but I meant something that we can buy her."

"I don't know."

"You have to know something," he replied as he pulled her aside and stooped down in front of her. "Mommy talks to you a lot, doesn't she?"

She nodded. "Mommy tells me lots of things."

"Okay, then what has she said that she wants? Is there anything she said she wants? Something that broke and now she needs a new one? Anything? You have to know something, honey."

Katie's face scrunched up as she thought about it. "Mommy's briefcase is breaking," she remarked. "She said the handle is starting to break and she will need a new one."

"Good girl!" Jim said with a smile as he got to his feet. "Let's go pick out a new briefcase for Mommy; that one she has is old, she's been using it since she finished law school."

"Can we get her a pretty one?"

"We'll get her the best one they have," he remarked as he picked up his daughter and carried her so that he could move through the store faster. Finally he found the briefcases and he and Katie moved down the aisle to the more expensive brands. His eye caught on a black leather Coach briefcase with gold accents and he was drawn toward it. "What about this one, Katie? Do you think Mommy would like it? It's one of the best ones they have."

"I think Mommy will like that; it will match her coat."

Jim nodded. "That's true, her coat is black…let's get her this one, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"What else can we get her?" he asked. "Has Mommy mentioned anything else?"

"Mommy likes shoes."

"Mommy has enough shoes."

"Mommy says you can't ever have too many."

"She's wrong," Jim replied. "Besides, I think she bought herself a new pair yesterday."

"She did when she bought her pretty dress," Katie replied. "Did you like Mommy's dress? She said she hoped you would like it."

"Of course I liked it," he told her; although in reality he hadn't paid much attention to it given the fact that he and Johanna had been yelling at each other.

"That's the other dress Mommy liked," Katie said, pointing at a navy blue cocktail dress.

Jim sat Katie on her feet and took her hand, moving toward the rack to find Johanna's size. "I think we'll get it for her so she'll have a new dress to wear when I take her someplace nice next weekend."

"Do I get to go?"

"No."

"Why not?" his daughter asked.

"Because sometimes Mommy and Daddy need to just go together…but we'll think about you the whole time," he replied.

"Can I sleep at Claire's house?"

"We'll see, honey," he said as he found Johanna's size. "You're sure Mommy liked this dress?"

"Uh huh; she liked it a lot."

"Okay then," he said; draping it over his arm and retaking Katie's hand. "Let's see what else we can find."

They moved through the store; collecting a pair of purple silk pajamas and a black sweater that he knew she'd like, either to wear to work or just at home. Figuring he had exhausted all avenues of search at Macy's; he paid for the things he had bought and they made their way back to the car. He put their gifts in the trunk and then buckled Katie in the backseat again. "Let's go to the bookstore and get Mommy a few books," he said.

"Me too!" his daughter declared.

"Of course you'll get a book too," he remarked knowing very well that his child needed a new storybook every time she was near a bookstore. "After we're finished there, we'll go to the toy store and then we'll go get some flowers and rent some movies…we'll stop at Grammy's house to wrap the presents and order some food to have delivered. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah; that sounds good," Katie agreed. "Mommy will feel better."

"I hope so," Jim said quietly. "I really hope so."

* * *

Jim watched Katie as she ran down the aisle ahead of him at the toy store in search of her much loved ponies. He lagged behind, feeling the weight on his shoulders that came from guilt and frustration…the need to make things somewhat better so that his wife would stop pondering the topic of divorce. For a moment he wished he could stop and have a drink but he shook off that thought. He couldn't do that when he had Katie with him. He couldn't do it when he promised Johanna he wouldn't go out and drink. He couldn't do it when he had so many things to do today.

So far in the gift scheme of things he had gotten Johanna the things they had chosen in Macy's and they had stopped at a bookstore and got her a few books as well…and two storybooks for Katie. They had rented movies. They were picking up Katie's promised toy and then they'd pick up a new bouquet of flowers since he had found the red roses in the trash once again that morning. He'd have to stop at his mother's and have her wrap the gifts and he'd need to order dinner too so it would be on the way when they got home. He figured chicken and all the sides they liked would have to do; it had to be something Katie would like and he knew she liked chicken. He should probably stop at a bakery and grab a small cake for dessert. Birthdays always seemed to cost more when you were apologizing.

"Daddy! I found the rainbow pony!" Katie exclaimed, holding up the box for him to see.

"That's a nice pony," he replied as he joined her. "Which other one do you want?"

Katie scanned the options on the shelf. "This one," she said, selecting a mint green pony."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," she replied, her eyes scanning the shelves; widening when she caught sight of something. "Daddy! Look! It's a stable!" she exclaimed, pointing at the box. "Can I have it please?!"

"I build you stables with the blocks," Jim remarked.

"You're not home to build me stables, you always go away to work," Katie replied. "Please, Daddy; I need it. Mommy don't build good stables, they break fast. Please, Daddy; I'll be good. I won't be loud anymore."

Jim closed his eyes; who knew a four year old could pack so much guilt into a plea for a toy? He had yelled at her several times for being loud when in reality it had probably only seemed like she was…and now she was using her quietness as a bargaining chip. It made him feel like scum.

"Please, Daddy?" she asked softly. "I'll put my green pony back."

He sighed and checked the price of the stable, finding it reasonable. "You don't have to put your pony back," he said as he pulled the box from the shelf. The green pony and the stable are your Valentine presents. You're my Valentine."

"Thank you, Daddy!" she said, wrapping her arms around his legs. "I love you. You're my Valentine."

"I love you too, Princess," he replied. "You know that right? Even I yell, I love you. Even when I have to work out of town, I still love you."

"I know," Katie replied; her small hand curling around his. "Do you still love Mommy?"

Another punch to the gut. "Of course I still love Mommy…did she say I don't?"

"No…but you're mean to her on the phone," his daughter replied.

Jim stooped down in front of her. "Katie…mommies and daddies argue sometimes; it doesn't mean that they don't love each other."

"I know Mommy loves you," she stated with confidence. "Mommy loves you lots."

"And I love Mommy lots," he replied. "Sometimes we disagree and that's okay. We still love each other, okay?"

"Okay."

He gave her a small smile. "Give me a kiss, Princess."

She giggled. "Will you turn into a Prince?"

Jim laughed. "I don't know…Mommy would probably like it if I did; she probably thinks I've been a toad this weekend."

His daughter giggled once more and then gave him a kiss. "Do you think you're a prince now?"

"I don't know; we'll have to wait and see," he said as he got to his feet. "Let's go pay for your toys and then we'll go get Mommy some flowers and then go to Grammy's so we can get her presents wrapped."

"Can we get Mommy pink flowers?"

"Yes; we'll get pink ones. Maybe we should get a cake too."

"We got a cake," Katie replied. "Me and Grandma made Mommy a cake with pink roses on it. Grandma let us take the rest home."

"Oh," he replied. "I guess Grandma takes care of things."

"Yep; Grandma takes care of me and Mommy."

"Don't forget Grandpa," Jim muttered. "Seems like he does too."

"Yeah; he takes care of us when you go away. Mommy's car broke and he fixed it."

"When did Mommy's car break?" Jim asked.

"The other day. Mommy tried to call you but you wasn't at your office so Grandpa fixed it."

"What was wrong with it?" he demanded to know.

"Grandpa said it needed a new battery so he got one and put in our car and it worked again!" she exclaimed; "Like when the remote don't work and we put new batteries in it."

"Where was Mommy when the battery died?"

"At home," she replied. "We was trying to go to Grandma's. Mommy couldn't find you so she called Grandpa and he came over and fixed it so we could go to Grandma's. Where were you, Daddy? Mommy thought you were at your office but you wasn't there."

"I don't know," he replied. "I might've been out talking to a client somewhere else…I might've went out for something to eat." Or a drink, his traitorous mind reminded him.

"It's okay, Grandpa fixed it."

"I'm glad," he murmured as they neared the checkout. Frank McKenzie seemed to take care of everything. It was odd coming from a man who said that once you took his daughter there were no returns. It seemed like Frank was a late bloomer in terms of being a father because suddenly he was on the job.

* * *

"Grammy!" Katie exclaimed as her grandmother opened the door, ending her incessant knocking.

"Where's your father?" Elizabeth Beckett asked, seeing that her granddaughter was alone on the porch.

"He's getting stuff out of the car. He wants you to wrap Mommy's presents," Katie replied as she moved into the house. "I'm hungry. Can I have peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Didn't you eat today?" Elizabeth asked as she closed the door and began to help Kate with her coat.

"I ate breakfast at Aunt Valerie's but Daddy came and got me before lunch. I'm hungry, Grammy."

"Alright, dear; I'll make you a sandwich to tide you over," she said, hanging up the small purple coat. "Let's go to the kitchen; your Daddy can find his way in. Your mommy just called here a few minutes ago looking for you."

"I'm here now," Katie said as they entered the kitchen.

"Yes, I see that," Elizabeth replied as she went to the cupboard and took out the peanut butter.

"Purple jelly, Grammy."

"Of course," she said, her eye on her granddaughter as she climbed onto a kitchen chair and sat down. She got out the bread and a plate and knife and then grabbed the phone, dialing Johanna's number.

"Hello?" Johanna answered after the second ring.

"Your daughter is in my kitchen," Elizabeth stated, her shoulder holding the phone against her ear as she took two slices of bread out of the bag. "She's starving but otherwise fine."

"Where the hell is her father!?" Johanna demanded to know.

"He's getting something out of the car; he sent her on to the door. I wanted to let you know that they're here, I know you were worried. I'm making her a sandwich; I'll call you back when they leave."

"You tell Jim that Katie better be home by dinner time or the fight we had last night will look like a walk in the park. He picked her up from my brother's house hours ago and didn't tell me anything about going anywhere else."

"I'll relay the message," Elizabeth said. "I hear the door now. I'll call you back."

"Was that Mommy?" Katie asked as her grandmother hung up the phone.

"Yes, it was," she replied as she went back to her task of making Katie's sandwich. "How do you want your sandwich cut?"

"Squares," Katie answered.

"Mom," Jim called out.

"In the kitchen," she yelled back.

Jim made his way into the kitchen carrying bags and a roll of wrapping paper. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Making your daughter a sandwich; apparently she hasn't been fed since breakfast."

"Katie, we're going to order food, remember? I just have to get this stuff taken care of first," Jim said.

"But I'm hungry now, Daddy. No crusts, Grammy."

"I never give you crusts," Elizabeth remarked as she finished cutting the sandwich and carried the plate to the table. "Do you want a juice box?"

"Yes, please."

Elizabeth went to the fridge and got Katie's drink and then eyed her son. "Where the hell have you been?"

Jim looked at her oddly. "What are you talking about?"

"Johanna called here a little while ago looking for you and Katie; she's worried sick. She said you picked Katie up from her brother's before noon and she hasn't seen or heard from either one of you."

"When I picked Katie up, I said we had errands to run; she shouldn't have worried."

"She's a mother; she always worries. Where were you?"

"Shopping," Katie said around a bite of her sandwich.

"I had to go get Johanna's birthday presents," Jim stated. "I want you to wrap them."

Elizabeth eyed him. "I thought her birthday was yesterday?"

"It was."

"Then why are you buying gifts today?"

Jim sighed. "Because I forgot it was her birthday, okay?"

"You forgot!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I raised you better than to forget your wife's birthday!"

"I didn't do it on purpose."

Elizabeth shook her head at him. "Shame on you, James Robert. You don't just forget your wife's birthday. I thought you were supposed to take her out for her birthday; I talked to her yesterday when she got the card in the mail that I sent. She was getting ready to take Katie to her sleepover so you could go out; I assumed you were going out for her birthday."

"Yeah, well…I thought it was just a regular dinner date…and I kind of didn't get home in time so we didn't go."

"Oh my God," Elizabeth exclaimed; "You stood her up on her birthday! Well it's no wonder she sounds like she could breathe fire today. What the hell is wrong with you, boy?"

"I'm not a boy, Mother; I'm a man."

"Sounds like you're a stupid one at the moment," she retorted. "There was a time when you couldn't get your head out of her…" she trailed off, remembering that Katie was drinking in every word. "There was a time when you couldn't be dragged away from her and now you're hardly with her at all and you forget her birthday and break your dinner plans. What is going on with you?"

"Nothing; I'm just busy."

"Uh huh; busy doing what? I don't believe it's always work, Jimmy. Your father's laid that excuse on me one time too many to believe such things."

"Where is Dad?" Jim asked.

"Over at Michael's helping to fix his car," Elizabeth replied. "Now what is your problem?"

"Nothing; I am busy," he retorted. "Are you going to wrap these gifts for me or not?"

"No, I am not! You already forgot her birthday, you broke your plans with her; you have her worried because you don't bother to tell her you won't be right home with Katie. You sit there and wrap your wife's presents yourself; that's the least you can do!"

"But you're better at it," he replied. "I wanted them to look nice."

"And people in hell want ice water," Elizabeth stated. "Now you wrap those gifts; and Johanna said that you better have Katie home by dinner time or the fight you had last night will look like a walk in the park so I suggest you get busy…and I suggest you get yourself sorted out and remember what you're priorities are before you're so busy you lose it all."

"I already got a lecture last night from Frank; I don't need one from you."

Elizabeth's brow rose. "Frank?"

"I ran into him last night; don't tell her, I don't think she knows."

"Maybe you better listen to whatever it is he said," his mother stated.

"Can you please wrap these gifts?"

"No," she said, moving to the junk drawer to get the tape and scissors. "You wrap them. You better get started," she remarked laying the items he'd need on the table.

"Grammy, will you wrap my Valentine present for Mommy?" Katie asked.

"Of course I will, sweet pea," Elizabeth replied; running her hand over her granddaughter's hair.

"Wait a minute," Jim exclaimed; "You'll wrap her gift and not mine!"

"Yes."

"That's not fair!"

"Yes, it is; she's not ready for gift wrapping yet. You on the other hand weren't fair to your wife so you do your own wrapping."

"Daddy don't think Mommy will like my present," Katie said before finishing her sandwich.

"Why?"

"Cause he don't like it."

"Well I'm sure your mommy will love it."

"Wait until you see it," Jim muttered as he pulled the box from the bag and handed it to her.

Elizabeth opened the jewelry box and smiled at the ruby heart necklace. "That's beautiful, Katie; I think Mommy will like it a lot."

"See, Daddy!"

"Why do you think Johanna wouldn't like this?" Elizabeth asked.

"I think it's a little gaudy," Jim replied.

"It is not!" she exclaimed.

"You like that?" he asked.

"Yes, I do; it's pretty and different. God knows your father doesn't vary his styles with buying gifts. What did you get Johanna?"

"A ring for her birthday and earrings for Valentine's Day."

"You Beckett men and your damn earrings; that's all any of you ever buy for anyone!" she exclaimed. "I'm starting to think it's the lazy way out."

"You would think that," he muttered as she unrolled a piece of wrapping paper.

Elizabeth glared at him, reaching out and flicking him in the ear. "Ow!" Jim yelled as Katie giggled. "What did you do that for?"

"Because it pleased me to do so," Elizabeth replied; "And because you deserved it."

"That might be a matter of opinion," he remarked.

"In my house, my opinion matters more," she stated. "Come on, Katie; I have some pretty paper upstairs we can use for Mommy's Valentine present."

"She even gets special paper," Jim muttered; "I get nothing form you but my ear flicked off."

"When I come back downstairs I'll do the other one and maybe you won't feel so cheated," his mother replied as Katie took her hand and left the room.

He sighed deeply; what a weekend…he was looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.

* * *

With Katie's help, Jim managed to get everything carried through the backdoor in one trip. He sat the bags on the counter, laying the flowers there as well and was shrugging out of his coat as his wife appeared on the threshold of the kitchen looking highly unamused. "Where the hell have you been?" she demanded to know.

"I had some things I wanted to do," Jim replied as he took Katie's coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair with his.

"And you couldn't tell me that before you left?" she asked. "I assumed you were picking Katie up and bringing her right home. I've been worried sick!"

"I know I mentioned at Frankie's that I had errands to run. It's not a big deal, Jo. It's not like I took her to a bar."

"I didn't say you did."

"You were probably thinking it," he replied. "I was just giving you some time alone and spending time with my daughter since you claim I don't see her much."

"You don't."

"Well now I have," he said lightly, trying to ease the situation.

"Look what I got Mommy!" Katie said, holding up her two newest My Little Ponies.

Johanna's brow rose. "I thought I told you that you couldn't have that rainbow pony until you started picking up your toys when you're asked to do it."

"Daddy said I could have it."

"Katie," Johanna said firmly.

"I'll pick up my toys!" she exclaimed.

"Maybe I should hang onto that pony until you show me that you can do that."

Katie gave her an angry look and turned toward Jim. "Daddy!"

"You're not taking her pony," Jim replied. "I bought her a few things for Valentine's Day and she's keeping them. Don't take it out on her just because you're mad at me."

"Fine," Johanna said; "But Katie, the first time you don't pick up your toys when I tell you to clean up; I'm taking the ponies and putting them on the closet shelf until you do what you're supposed to do."

"I'll pick them up!" Katie said sharply. "I'm not showing you my stable!"

"What stable?"

"My Daddy bought me a pony stable cause he can't build me stables when he has to go away to work!"

"Oh," Johanna said; "I'm getting the picture,"

"It's for Valentine's Day," Jim said; knowing she was pegging the items as guilt gifts.

"It's not Valentine's Day yet."

"I won't be here for Valentine's Day," he stated.

"I'm Daddy's Valentine," Katie remarked.

"That's right, Princess; you're my Valentine," he told her. "Don't worry, Mommy's not allowed to take your presents."

"Good," Katie replied.

Johanna nodded, feeling a small irrational sting to her heart. "It never ceases to amaze me; one minute she's avoiding rooms you might be in and the next minute you're back to Mr. Wonderful because you bought a pony and a stable."

"Maybe I should've bought you a pony and a stable," Jim replied. "You're awful damn sour today."

"Can't imagine why," she said, looking him in the eye; "Can you?"

He glanced away as his daughter held up the two storybooks she had gotten as well. "I got new books cause Daddy's my Valentine," Katie stated.

"I'm so happy for you both," Johanna said with a smile.

"My Daddy will read my stories to me," her daughter remarked firmly; clearing still perturbed by being told about her toy pickup chore.

"Your Daddy is free to do so," Johanna replied; "He's going to be home all week to read to you at night…but you're still picking up your toys before bed."

"She will," Jim replied; letting it go that she had brought up the deal they had made for him to be home on time. "You'll pick up your toys, won't you, Katie?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"I'm glad the two of you had a nice day," Johanna said. "Now that you've dragged yourselves home to the wicked witch you live with, I'll get dinner started."

"You're not a witch, Mommy," Katie replied; "You're just cranky. You need a nap."

She smirked at her. "You're just like your daddy."

"We ordered dinner; it'll be here in a little while," Jim stated; heading off that line of thought.

"I just get left out of all the loops."

"It's for your birthday," he replied. "It's chicken and all the sides…I know it's not the fancy dinner you wanted but it can still be nice here at home…all of us together."

"My birthday is over, Jim; just let it go," she said quietly.

"No, can't do that," he replied. "We rented movies too; a kid friendly movie for after dinner with Katie and something more grown up for us for later."

"You're going to sit in the living room for two movies without wandering off to your desk?" Johanna asked; a skeptical look on her face.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "I'll catch up tomorrow…I'll get up a little earlier and look over a few things."

"Don't make things harder on yourself on my account, Jim. We'll watch the one with Katie and you can put her to bed and then do what you need to do."

"I want to watch a movie with you," Jim stated.

"Because you feel guilty," she remarked; hurt and anger flickering in her eyes. "It's not because you want to…I'm not stupid."

He sighed. "I do feel guilty…but it's not why I want to watch a movie with you. Can't you just let me make this better? What do you think I've been doing all day? I've been out getting you presents and making plans for dinner and getting us movies. I did it all for you."

No, he had done it for himself to ease his guilt, Johanna thought to herself but she refrained from saying so, seeing that Katie was watching them intently. "Do you want me to open your pony, Katie?" she asked her, noticing the box was still in her hand.

"No, Daddy will do it…you might keep it."

"Then let your Daddy do it," she said. "I'm going to go get the laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer."

"The laundry can wait," Jim said; "Sit down…please."

She wasn't getting away from this guilt celebration, she mused as she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down at the table. "Here, Katie," Jim said, giving her the bouquet of pink roses. "Give Mommy the flowers you picked out for her."

"Here, Mommy," Katie said, bringing the flowers to her. "I picked pink flowers cause you like pink flowers on cake."

She conjured up a smile for her child. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"Open the rest of your gifts," Jim said as he sat the gift bags before her.

"It wasn't necessary," Johanna remarked, meeting his eye. "The occasion is over and I really didn't want reminders of it."

"It is necessary and they aren't reminders…they're gifts," her husband remarked. "Now open them."

Johanna sighed deeply and pulled the first box from the bag. "Daddy wrapped it all by himself," Katie stated; "He wanted Grammy to do it but she said no, he had to do it."

"Wow, Jim; you forget, you stand me up and then you want your mother to wrap my guilt gifts," she replied. "I feel the love, honey; I really do."

"Jo," he sighed. "I only wanted her to wrap them so they'd look nice."

"They're a little messy, Daddy," Katie said as she watched her mother pick at the tape on the end of the box.

"I know," he replied; "If Grammy would've helped me they'd look better."

Johanna finally tore the paper off the box and opened it, revealing the blue cocktail dress she had looked at in Macy's the day before. "Oh look," she said; "A pretty dress to hang in the closet because I never have a date to go anywhere with."

"You can wear it when we go out next weekend," Jim remarked.

Johanna laughed. "Yeah, sure we will."

"I told Daddy you liked that dress," Katie said excitedly, not understanding the comment.

"Thank you, Katie," she said, kissing her daughter's forehead.

"It's from me," Jim stated.

"Uh huh," his wife said as she laid the box aside and picked up the next box to open, finding the purple silk pajamas. "Very nice," she said before laying them aside and opening the next box, uncovering the black sweater. "That's also nice."

"You're so enthusiastic, Jo," Jim said, a tight smile on his lips. "It makes shopping all day worth it."

She smiled coolly. "Now remember, darling, you were spending time with your daughter…that quality time she doesn't get much of lately."

"Johanna…please."

She reached into the next bag and pulled out the hastily wrapped items, opening them to find the books he had chosen for her. She laid them aside and reached back into the bag, her fingers curling around the small box. "Must be the jewelry," she remarked as she picked at the tape. "Husbands love the jewelry counter at times like this."

"I buy you jewelry for nearly every occasion," Jim replied; "Not just when I'm sorry."

She unwrapped the box and opened it, glancing down at the amethyst ring inside. Normally she would've been thrilled with his choice…but today she couldn't be. She knew she was probably angering him but she just couldn't be happy this time. She couldn't just ignore how hurt she was…how hurt she had been for weeks now. "It's very pretty," she said, before closing the lid. "Thank you."

Jim gave her a puzzled look. "Aren't you going to try it on?"

"Put it on, Mommy," Katie said. "It's pretty."

She didn't want to put it on but she would for Katie…figuring that her daughter wanted to admire it. She opened the box once more and took the ring from the box and slid it onto her ring finger on her right hand. "It's sparkly," Katie said as she stepped closer to see it.

"It is," Johanna said, forcing herself to play along.

"Do you like it, Mommy? I helped pick it."

"Oh yes, I always love your taste, sweetheart," she said, giving her a quick kiss.

"You got one more present," her daughter said, nudging the bag toward her.

Johanna took out the last package and quickly pulled off the wrapping paper, revealing the black leather Coach briefcase they had chosen for her. She ran her hand over the leather, wishing she didn't like it so much…wishing that she didn't need it so she wouldn't have to use it.

"Do you like it, Mommy!?" Katie asked. "I told Daddy that yours was breaking."

That made it easier, Johanna thought…Katie had told him, she could pretend it was from Katie. "Yes, sweetie, I like it a lot. It's a good thing Daddy had you around to tell him what I like."

"I'm a good helper," her daughter replied.

"Yes, you are," she said, giving her a hug and a kiss. "Thank you for my presents."

"You're welcome," Katie said. "Now you gotta kiss Daddy."

She smiled. "Why?"

"Cause he loves you lots and he bought you presents."

Only because he felt guilty, her brain reminded her but her daughter was watching so she rose from her chair and pressed a quick kiss against her husband's lips. "Thanks for the gifts."

"You're welcome," he said quietly; knowing that he had probably wasted a lot of money that day because he had a feeling that she didn't like anything he had chosen except maybe the briefcase. He was sure the ring would disappear into a jewelry box or a drawer, never to be seen again. The dress would hang in the back of the closet…the pajamas and sweater stashed under favored items in the dresser. He'd be lucky if she read the books and used the briefcase.

Johanna put the gifts back into the bags. "I'll go put these things upstairs and then get the laundry changed before dinner gets here."

"I want you to open my Valentine present!" Katie exclaimed.

"It's not Valentine's yet, sweetheart. Why don't you save it until then?"

"No!" her daughter cried. "Daddy won't be home then and he says you won't like what I picked!"

Johanna shot him a look. "Why?"

"I think it's gaudy."

"Will you open it now, Mommy?" Katie asked.

"Alright, Katie," she said. "I'll open it now."

Jim searched the bag still on the counter for Katie's gift and handed it to her. "She picked it all by herself," he stated.

"Sounds like she picked most things herself today," Johanna replied; smiling as her daughter hurried to her side.

"Here, Mommy; Happy Valentine's."

"Thank you; your present is wrapped neater than Daddy's."

"Grammy helped me."

"That explains it; she must like you best."

"She does," Katie said confidently. "She made me peanut butter and jelly and it was good."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "Grammy makes good peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, huh."

"Yep; no crusts."

"Of course not," she said; pulling the shiny red paper off the box. She lifted the velvet lid and smiled down at the ruby heart necklace. "Katie; that's beautiful," she told her sincerely. "I love it."

"You do!" her daughter asked.

"I do; this will be my special Valentine necklace," she said as she lifted it from the box and hooked it around her neck. "How does it look?"

"It's pretty," Katie said happily. "You like it lots?"

"Lots and lots," she said, giving her a hug. "Thank you so much."

"See, Daddy! I told you Mommy would like it! Grammy said so too!"

Johanna laughed softly. "He should know that you and Grammy are rarely wrong."

"Uh huh, we know things," Katie said.

"I stand corrected," Jim remarked, seeing that she did genuinely like the necklace.

"Why would you think I wouldn't like it?"

He shrugged. "Just didn't seem like something you'd pick."

"Guess you were wrong."

"Yeah; it seems to be my trend this weekend," he replied. "I'll carry your gifts upstairs so you can tend to your laundry."

"Daddy, what about your Valentine present for Mommy?" Katie asked. "Is she going to open it now?"

"I don't think so, honey," he said; "Mommy doesn't seem to be enjoying herself with all of this gift opening."

"I liked the gifts," Johanna said; "But I'm fine with waiting for the Valentine's one…I don't have your gift ready yet. I can't pick it up until Wednesday."

"I don't want anything," Jim said; feeling like a failure at rescuing her birthday. "Don't bother with it."

"Fine; then take back what you got me," she remarked as she gathered up her gift bags.

"Maybe I will since you can't even pretend to like the gifts I gave you today," he stated, an edge in his tone.

"I like them fine, Jim. Would I have liked them better yesterday when they wouldn't have been given with the sense of guilt and making yourself feel better, yeah; I would have. But what's done is done. Thanks for the gifts and for ordering dinner; I really didn't feel like cooking tonight. Katie; you can go play with your ponies until dinner gets here."

"Okay, Mommy," she said, dragging her toy store bag through the kitchen to the doorway as she headed for the living room.

Johanna began to gather up the gift bags under her husband's watchful gaze. "Will you at least use the briefcase?" he asked.

"Yes; mine's breaking at the handle. It's a very nice one…I like having a black one for a change. You didn't have to get a designer label though; it must've cost a fortune."

"You're worth it," Jim said quietly.

"I'm not so sure about that," she murmured; after all, he didn't make her feel like she was worth much to him lately.

"I am," he stated as he met her eye.

"I'll try to be more enthusiastic at dinner so I won't continue to disappoint you."

He breathed deeply. "It's okay…I know you're still mad."

"I am mad…but most of all I'm hurt," she told him. "It's hard to get over that quickly."

"I know," he said with a nod as he moved closer to her. "Will you watch the movie with me after Katie's in bed?"

"Yeah," she relented; "If you don't have something important that you need to get done."

Jim shook his head. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

"Alright," Johanna murmured. "We'll watch the movie."

He took the risk of capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "I bought popcorn."

She managed a small smile for him. "I guess it's a date then."

"I won't be late this time."

"That might depend on Katie and how many stories she wants you to read."

"She's getting cut off after three," Jim stated. "Then it's your turn."

"Okay," she replied; doing her best to shove away those feelings of anger and hurt that didn't want to make it easy for him…but she didn't want to fight all week…especially if he kept his promise to stay home; so she'd have to push it away as much as she could so they could have some semblance of peace.

* * *

Later that night after Katie had been tucked into bed, Johanna made her way downstairs clad in the new pajamas she had been given just to make her husband happy since she had disappointed him with her lack of reactions. They had gotten through dinner without incident but she had mainly allowed Jim and Katie to chat; listening to the plans to go to his Uncle Harry's farm in the summer and a promised trip to the beach. She wasn't sure she believed that either trip would happen given his work schedule but she had kept her mouth shut about it. The popcorn was popped and in a bowl on the coffee table along with their sodas as she settled down on the couch while Jim popped the video into the VCR.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yeah; I'm ready," she replied.

He carried the remote to the sofa with him, allowing the previews on the video to play instead of fast forwarding through them. "Why didn't you tell me about the car?" he asked quietly as she grabbed a handful of popcorn.

"What about the car?"

"That it needed a new battery."

"I didn't know it needed one until it didn't start," Johanna told him.

"When did it happen?"

"Last Saturday. I tried to call you since you said you'd be at your office. I called three times and the machine picked up each time so I called Dad. He came right over and found the problem. He went and got me a new battery; he wouldn't take a blank check with him so he paid for it and then I wrote him out a check when he came back to reimburse him. He put the battery in and everything was good to go; we went on to Mom's like planned."

"You still could've told me," Jim remarked.

She shrugged. "The problem was taken care of so I didn't see any point in bringing it up. I didn't want to have to tell you that I called and you weren't at your office…I figured you'd get mad and say I was implying something by saying you weren't there."

"Why would I get mad?"

"Because you get mad a lot lately."

He supposed that was true; the stress of his promotion did make him quick to anger. "Why didn't you ask where I was?"

"I figured I didn't want to know bad enough to ask," Johanna replied. "It wasn't worth the argument since Dad took care of the problem."

He breathed deeply. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there to fix it."

"It's alright; at least we were home when it happened."

Jim had thought of that too…at least they had been at home…and not stranded somewhere while he was out on a long lunch break with his colleagues, having a mid afternoon drink instead of being where he was supposed to be where he could've been in a position to do something. "Is the car fine now? Does it have any other issues?"

"No; Dad checked the oil and all when he put the battery in. He said while he was under the hood he may as well make sure everything was fine."

"Frank's on his game lately," he commented.

"He knows you're busy and that you travel a lot now so he tries to keep an eye on us," she replied. "I'm sure it's only because of Katie; if it was just me it probably wouldn't be like that."

"You're wrong," Jim stated. "It would be the same…he loves you."

"I'm just glad things are better than they used to be."

"Katie told me that Frank did some babysitting recently while you and Valerie and Naomi went to some gallery."

"Yeah; he watched Katie and Greg and Claire…he seemed to enjoy it a lot more than when he used to have to watch his own kids," she said with a short laugh. "I think he likes his grandchildren better."

"I didn't know you went to a gallery," he commented.

"It was a few weeks ago when you had to fly to Denver for three days for the firm," Johanna replied.

"You could've told me when I came back."

"You haven't really been interested in conversation lately, Jim. You haven't even asked me about my job at Columbia."

"Yes, I have."

"No, you haven't. You only know what I mention…that is, when you're listening…the rest of the time you're reminding me that it was a mistake to take the job."

He figured that was true…he hadn't really asked much about it…and he did have a habit of implying that she shouldn't have taken it. "I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "It's alright…you don't have to be interested in everything I do."

"I'm interested," he replied. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't."

"You've got more important things on your mind lately."

Jim was quiet for a moment, allowing that statement to settle over him as he weighed what to ask about her job. "Do you like the teaching job?"

She shrugged a little. "I don't know yet."

"Why not?"

"Because it still feels a little awkward," Johanna admitted. "I'm not as sure of myself as I am as a lawyer."

"But you're teaching law…you're still in your field."

"I know…but it's different. It's one thing to go into the courtroom and do the job; it's another to teach people how to do it. You stand there wondering what those kids are thinking about you."

"Who cares what they think?"

"I guess I do. I don't want them to think I'm stupid."

"If you were stupid, you wouldn't be there," Jim replied. "You're there to teach and they're there to learn. You'll probably never see them again after the semester is over."

"It's just awkward doing something you've never done before," Johanna remarked. "It's only been a few weeks; maybe the feeling will go away as the semester goes on."

"Well if it doesn't, at least you know that you tried and that it's not for you."

She smirked at him. "You don't want it to be right for me, do you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you could've said 'it'll get better; just relax…I'm sure you're doing fine."

"I don't know how you're doing; I'm not in your class. You seem like you don't like it so I was being supportive of you not doing it anymore."

"Thanks for your support," she said with a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

Jim sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say or do."

"Nothing," she murmured. "What does it matter anyway? Let's just go back to not talking about it."

"You don't ask about my work either."

"That's a damn lie!" Johanna shot back. "I ask you all the time you just never tell me anything other than smartass remarks."

He looked away, he supposed it was true; he didn't share as much as he used to. It was like once they weren't working at the same firm things changed in that respect…like he felt like he couldn't say much since they were no longer colleagues. "I'm working higher profile cases; I can't tell you a lot."

"Then don't act like I don't care about what you do," she replied. "I ask; you can't tell much. Case closed."

"Speaking of cases" Jim said; "Has your caseload ever picked up? Have you even been to court lately?"

Her gaze narrowed at him. "I've been in court every week since after the new year, Jim. I told you the other morning I was in court this week…I asked if we could have lunch during my break but you were busy."

"Oh, yeah; I had forgotten about that," he admitted. "Sorry. I was just wondering if business had picked up though."

"It's not what I'd like it to be but it's some better than it was."

"You could look for another position at a busier firm," he suggested.

"No; I'm not going to do that to Mark and Cathy; we already had that discussion. Why do you care how busy I am? It isn't like it affects you."

"Maybe it does. Maybe if you had more to do at your office you'd feel better and wouldn't be so mad at me all the time."

Her jaw dropped. "Really, Jim? You think any anger I have toward you is about work? It's not my work that's the problem. It's you and how your work has suddenly taken over every aspect of your life and how it also comes with a big side of drinks that sometimes makes you a mean drunk. Now do you really want to go down this road tonight?"

"No," he admitted. "I don't want to do that."

"I didn't think so," she said, rising from the sofa. "I don't think I'm in the mood for a movie. I'm going to go on up to bed."

"Jo," he breathed, catching hold of her wrist. "Please don't go…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start another fight. "Sit back down, please?"

She sat back down against her better judgment and fell silent, allowing her gaze to focus on the TV instead of him. They sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes, tension hovering over. Jim couldn't stand the heaviness in the air and so he moved closer to her, dropping his arm around her as she glanced at him. "We usually do the movie thing like this," he said, allowing a small smile to touch his lips. "We've always had a lot of fun at movies."

"Yeah," she said softly; "Those were good times."

"You say that like the good times are over."

"Sometimes I feel like they are," she admitted.

"They're not," he said, rubbing his thumb against her shoulder.

She hoped that was true but she wasn't so sure.

"You know, usually when we're at a movie and I put my arm around you, you lean in against me so we're close," he said lightly.

"Yeah; that was when you liked me to be close," Johanna remarked.

"I still like you to be close," he said, brushing a kiss against her cheek.

"I'm still not having sex with you this weekend."

He smiled. "We'd probably feel better if you did."

"Yeah; well, I had a small amount hope that things would go that way last night after dinner but you didn't show up."

"What do you mean a small amount of hope?"

"Just what it sounds like," she replied; "I had a small amount of hope that last night would be the kind of date we always had…but part of me knew it wouldn't be…because you didn't want to go in the first place and you haven't shown any interest in me since Christmas…so I hoped but I knew it wouldn't happen…I just didn't really think that I'd end up sitting home by myself all evening while you were out enjoying yourself."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you; I really am."

"What is it about them?" Johanna asked.

"About who?"

"Your friends and colleagues," she said. "What is it about them lately that makes you want to spend all of your time with them?"

"I don't want to spend all my time with them…it's just that we all work together and we get to talking and time passes without notice."

"And you don't work with me anymore so you don't feel like we have anything to talk about anymore?" she asked. "Because I always thought we had way more than work between us when it came to discussion."

"No; it's not like that."

"Any new women at the firm?" Johanna asked.

His brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Just curious."

"A few," he answered.

She nodded. "Are they a part of these group sessions out?"

"Where are you going with this, Jo?" he asked.

She swallowed hard. "I was just wondering if maybe someone hadn't caught your eye…you know someone you can talk to about the things you want to talk about lately."

"Are you accusing me of having an affair?" Jim asked, a touch of anger creeping into his voice.

"No…you're not impulsive enough to just jump into an affair. I just thought maybe you had someone else you liked talking to more than me…we talked a lot in the beginning…about work at first and then other topics as we got to know each other better."

He bit back sharp retorts and forced himself not to pull away from her in offense. "There's no one else, Johanna," he said quietly. "You're the only woman in my life…with the exception of my mother and Johanna Jr. upstairs."

"Okay," she said softly. "I just thought I'd ask."

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too."

"Even when you're threatening to divorce me?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes…it's not my affection that's been in question. I don't like this phase we're in."

"It'll get better."

"I hope it does…I don't like thinking about if it doesn't."

"I love you," he repeated, capturing her chin with his fingertips, forcing her to turn her face toward him so that he could kiss her. "You're still my Valentine too."

"I was under the impression that you were already spoken for in the Valentine scheme of things."

"There's enough of me for you and Katie both," Jim said with a smile but then it faded. "I guess it'll be the first Valentine's Day we won't be together."

Johanna nodded. "I know."

"We'll go out next Saturday for Valentine's," he murmured, brushing a kiss against her cheek. "We'll go to dinner and we'll go to a movie or we'll go listen to a band or something. Whatever you want. Maybe Katie can spend the night with my mother…then we could have some time alone when we get home…have a glass of wine…you could light those candles you like so much…and we can just be together the way we should've been last night."

Her eyes closed, it all sounded so nice but she was afraid being burned again.

"What do you think, sweetheart?" he asked. "Do we have an early Valentine's date?"

"You promise?" she asked. "You promise you won't do to me what you did to me last night?"

"I promise," Jim assured. "I'll make it all happen…I won't let anything get in the way."

"Alright," she said with a nod. "It's a date…but if you don't show up again…you'll be sleeping in your car."

"Understood," he replied; "But I promise…next Saturday is ours; I'll make it perfect, I promise; and next year, I'll make your birthday extra special."

"All I ever want is to be with you and Katie," Johanna replied. "I don't need anything extravagant…all I ever need is you."

"You'll have me," Jim promised.

Johanna breathed deeply as his unoccupied hand found hers, curling around it softly. "I'll just be glad to put this one behind me."

"I'll do better next year," he said once more before kissing her.

Johanna accepted his kisses, the movie being ignored as she gave in to the need to feel his affection while he was offering it. She knew they weren't out of the woods yet…but she hoped they'd get there soon; she didn't want to be divorced by her next birthday.


End file.
